I broke up with him around this time last year. We had been going out for 2 in a half years and I spontaneously decided to end it all because at that point in my life I didn’t want to be attached. I was 18 years old and starting college, a new job, and viewed my ex as un ambitious. All he would ever do is want to stay home and be with me, never really going out to hang with friends, and feeling down on himself for having the job he had. He was a wonderful artist and I tried to be a supportive and encouraging girlfriend by telling him to pursue a career in the field. Yet lack of funds was the reason he said he couldn’t live out his dream. I tried accepting this but found that I might be growing out of him. I also wanted to experience other relationships since he had been my first, and though I loved him I found myself growing more detached. Spending less and less time with him even though he kept reaching out. I broke his heart and he eventually gave me back everything that was ours to cope with the break up, cutting me out completely. At that time this didn’t faze me. He came to my door step with the box and I could care less. I felt relieved, or so I thought. We didn’t talk much for 8 months, maybe passing one another since my little brother and he were such great pals and didn’t let our break up end their friendship. Eventually after working and going to school nonstop, boys being the last thing on my mind the summer hits. I find myself infatuated like I once was with my ex on a new guy. He’s a graphic designer and aspiring filmmaker, extremely driven and confident. All I can do is think about him. He seems to me to be the next best thing. Eventually we hang out (not an official date I had no idea what his intentions were, he was very hard to read) with a few of his friends and I find him to be the most obnoxious individual. He practically ignored me the whole time while being an entertainer to his audience; he thrived off of the attention I could tell. One of two questions I can remember being:
"What do you want to do with your life?"
This was such a turn off; a mutual feeling I later find out. He thought I was too quiet and smelled of tuna! I hate tuna. We go on to not talk for two months, and yet even then I didn’t think of my ex. Eventually The new guy starts to talk to me again and even though I was so disgusted by his previous behavior I still find myself immensely sexually attracted to him. That’s all I wanted from him. Funny thing is he was looking for a girlfriend and found a way of convincing me to be with him otherwise. I figured ok I like this guy why not give it a shot? From then on it has been a rollercoaster. Nothing like when I was with my ex. One day this blokes happy with me the next he’s unsure about our relationship. So eventually I end up feeling lonely within my own relationship because I don’t feel good about it. Where did all my confidence go? Sure I may have felt inhibited because he’d ask me "why are you so shy?" "I wish you’d contribute more to the conversation." I have never felt so much pressure in a relationship. Like if I don’t please, I can be dropped at any given time. So for the time being I had been unhappy, yet the messing around was great. What a trade off, not worth it at all when I look at it, but within the moment it’s a whole other game. All I could think about was how to sort the issues in my head over this relationship in a mature manner. Work out all the small things and focused on what we have that’s great. All I could think of was our similar tastes in music, movies, and fooling around. Sure we had conversations but for the most part they were short and the fooling around was to the point not long after. Than he’d tell me I got to get back to story boarding birdbrain. I’d be there reading a book instead of getting to know anything about him. My excuse was that he’s really trying to get this short film done before Sundance, don’t worry about it. And eventually things did turn around with a few hiccups, but on a trip back from Ohio I found out that my ex was going out with a new girl and the last thing that has been on my mind for the past month isn’t my new boyfriend. My brother disclosed to me some information that my ex was going out with a girl that we formerly couldn’t stand. When we were together we would actually make fun of her amongst ourselves. She was just such a typical high school girl. Going out to parties all the time, drinking, taking in controlled substances, bisexual one minute, straight the next. She was a total nut. Now he is with her. I really needed someone to talk too when hearing all this. So I wrote an email to a mutual friend of ours who still hung out with him. And I explained everything to her. It than finally hit me that he had moved on. Though I was in my own relationship (not much of one actually) I still had this terrible pain in my stomach thinking that he’s with her of all people. I didn’t care if she told anybody (we we
I want my 
