I am 37, female, professional, extremely hard working and responsible, single and childfree both by choice. Dedicated all my life to work (not regrets-I am very well known and respected in my work internationally). I have a 63 year old mother whom I support financially (she has no income). She has a very hard time showing her loving feelings – and to my understanding she has many unsolved issues with her own mother and her ex-husband (my father) which always haunted our family. I have a 34 year old brother, intelligente, healthy, university educated who was raised up to beleive that if he put enough drama, he would always get what he asked for (and actually he did). Expensive cars, very expensive apartment, ridiculously expensive life whilst he was a student – whilst he never worked, even if we had a family business and we could use his help. I had to work all my life to obtain what I wanted, but this was my choice. My family was a wealthy one, who now are in deep economical crisis.
That big a crisis, now going on for the last 10 months, that there was a time that there was not enough money to eat andwe are facing the posibility to loose our house (my mother’s house).
During that time my brother (who was living in my house after he lost his and went to bankrupcy), he would not do anything at home, would not help me with coping with business and economical problems, would get drunk all day (because he was "stressed" and "we ruined his life", would be verbally abusive to my mother (though I must admit she does not know how to handle anything when it comes to feelings – she breaks my b…s too, but still…she is a old woman and my mother who must be treated with respect), and do anything he could to make things even worse that they were. he would live, drink, sleep and spend on my money. My mother also lived in my house since we could not afford to have it otherwise. She would do the cleaning, cooking and shopping all by herself as I must work very long hours and my brother wont lift a finger.
Two weeks ago I talked to him for last time: you either help me finish liquidating our only business and we take it from there as a family and we recover, you assist at home with cleaning, shopping and everything a home needs, you stop drinking NOW and put your feet in the ground or you leave this house right NOW and never come back.
Did I mention he is lazy and also admits it?
Well, he left. Once minute later the usual fight with my mother who thinks I am too cruel and we should support him because he is weak and confused. To cut a long story short, I told her that I had enough of him and her in this respect and I need to stay calm in order to survive this very difficult bankrupcy and see what i can do in the future to guarantee life for me and her. Period. anything else now is secondary. Her son must leave house and she must go home (I managed to make some money to be sure she will be ok for the next 6 months. She left. She called 2 days later to tell me that what happened was the correct thing and that she loves me and hopes my brother finds his way in life.
I forgot to mention: my father, another abusive relationship, is a scam, pathologic lyer, who tried to get what money was left out of the business and leave. i stopped him, as this money must be directed to paying debts. Then he left inadvertedly and here I am:
Alone, in a country far away from mine, where I do not longer wish to be, with no money, trying to liquidate my business in order to pay debts (though legally speaking I am allowed to simply declare banckrupcy and nothing happens), under very difficult circumstances, finally away from an abusive, scam father, with a brother who I care for but will not take him any more, a mother whom I love but wish she would be away from me and well and feeling extremely tired.
I am not afraid of life. Not at all. I don’t care about the loss of money or business. These I can do and loose again and again and again. But I feel this is too much for one person. I am sure I did the right thing asking my brother to make up his mind and asking my mother to leave (she was going to get ill with all this happening around her). But still…
They are my family – not matter how abusive, they will always be my family.
This was the first time in my life I made a point and kept to it. It worked so far. My brother, knowing there is nobody to turn to for cash, is moving towards finding a job and I think he stopped drinking. Mom is back home together with the rest of the family and certainly better than here. My father – well, I don;t care. He can be anywere, as long as there is an ocean between us. Enough is enough.
Did I do well?
How does all that sound?
Thanks your answers
