How Can I Get My Husband To Come Back To Me
Have been with my husband for 8 years all together, almost 2 of which we have been married.
It started with an older woman from his work. He is 27 years old and she is 39 years old. She is notorious for breaking up marriages and has done this to 2 other people at his work that I know of.
She told him at work that one night she tried to kill herself. So he being the nice man that he is said that if she ever felt that way, to call him and he would talk to her.
So a week later she calls and is upset, so he speaks to her on the phone. She then starts calling and texting him repeatedly each day.
I discussed this with him at the time and said that it was getting a little excessive and that I wasn’t comfortable with what she was doing (given I know her track record at his work). I said that her messages were starting to get inappropriate and they weren’t what a “friend” would write to someone.
This went on for a few months and we repeatedly had arguments over it, because I wasn’t feeling comfortable with what she was writing.
I explained that the texts she was writing, coming from a girls perspective are showing that she has feelings for him. He said I was being silly and not to worry about it. Then one night she confesses to having feelings for him and I told him if that was the case, then it is not fair on me that he keep in contact with her like this anymore.
He ended it for a little while, but it wasn’t long till she had hounded him back…
Then I found out that he took her to the movies behind my back. I then found out that he also bought her jewellery and that he had been out to dinner with her and also had dinner at her house on numerous occasions.
From there it has stemmed into some sort of weird relationship between the two of them. He has been staying at her house some night and I know he has kissed her a number of times.
He swears to me that they have never slept together and I for some reason, do believe him. She has some sort of emotional power over him now. He is finding it hard to cut ties with her, but has told me he wants to separate. I don’t want this at all…
Everything that I have listed above he has done behind my back and the only reason I know of them is that I have become quite the detective. His phone bill has her number plastered everywhere and he hides his phone from me now so that I cannot read the messages in there.
A marriage is not meant to be like this and I would never do this to him. He could go right through my phone and not find one thing in there that he didn’t know already.
A marriage is not hiding things from each other or lying.
Obviously I am devastated and cannot believe that this has happened to me. I cannot even begin to understand how he could do this to me, when he claims that he never intended on hurting me and that he does care for me and love me.
He keeps telling me that he is going to stop seeing her and he does, for a little bit. But, then goes running back to her when she arks up and tells him that she misses him. He doesn’t know if he wants to stay with me, or be with her. He keeps saying whatever decision he makes either me or her are going to get hurt and he doesn’t like that. Our families are devastated by his behaviour and cannot comprehend his actions at all.
How can I make him see that there is no future with her? She is 39 years old and she lives at home with her mother. My husband and I are both 27 years of age and have our whole lives ahead of us. We have a house and a life that we have built together. We have the whole future ahead of us.
He thinks now that if he does come back to me, that he may do this again in future and this is why he isn’t coming back right now. He wants to see a counsellor and find out why he is doing this to me. I explained that if we see a counsellor they would be able to help us find ways to prevent this from happening in the future obviously there are no guarantees, that he won’t do this again, there are no guarantees that this wouldn’t happen in any relationship. But there is definitely ways in which we can prevent this from possibly occuring again. Right??
I cannot keep living like this, its not fair and I know I deserve better. But I love this man and I vowed to be with him forever and I still want to be his wife. I want nothing more then this lady to just get out of his life and for him to come back to me and be committed and move on from this.
How can I get him to realise what he is doing is so wrong and a life with me will be so good??
*** I am scared that if I let go then he will completely let go too and that is NOT what I want.
I have made a tentative appointment for us to see a counsellor, but am not sure how to ask him to come with me?
