I tried to explain that biology exacerbates psychology and if a person is severely traumatized and abused from a very young age, psychology BECOMES biology, which is why Psychiatric Medications work.
If, say, depression is all "In your head" and can be controlled through sheer force of will, why would antidepressant medications work?
I have Borderline Personality Disorder, depression, anxiety, and PTDS. These things have been diagnosed by a Psychiatrist and I am trying my best to "maintain" through the use of multiple reuptake inhibitors and, ironically enough, sheer force of will but it feels like a losing batter.
I told my father a few days ago that I was just having "A really bad day" because I was depressed to the point of crying that day and had spent the whole night waking up unable to breath because of the panic attacks… I had done all I could that day just to not cut myself but didn’t succeed totally and had clawed at my arms and exacerbated a number of small wounds I had picked in myself over the last few days…
He asked me flat out what, specifically, was causing this and I responded with "I have no idea… If I knew what triggered all of this, I would be able to prevent it!"
He demanded to know if what I was dealing with was Psychological or Biological… Because if it is "Just Psychological" to DEAL with it and stop making myself miserable.
At this point, the Borderline Personality Disorder’s tendency to flip the hell out in anger took hold and I had to leave the room before I threw something at him.
As if I were doing this for attention!?!?!?
As if I were doing this "To Myself" for what? WHAT?
Why on earth would I WANT to be unable to have close relationships with anyone?
Why on earth would I WANT to never be able to sleep because I keep having nightmares and panic attacks in the middle of the nigh?
Why on earth would I WANT to swing back and forth from depressed to outright hostile ALL THE TIME?
Why on earth would I WANT to be pissed off at the whole of the world?
Sometimes I’m barely able to dress myself, let alone get EVERYTHING I need to do done day in and day out… I’m just trying to stop thinking about killing myself long enough to get the invoices processed… I’m on medication… I’ve sought all kinds of therapy but don’t have money for it… Therapists just RAPE their patients with 0.00 an hour bills and then try to sell you a .00 bottle of "Noni Juice" that CURES depression AND causes you to lose weight without exercise! *MAGIC!*
I’m TRYING to cope with this… I really am… But what else can I do?
I have my family telling me I’m doing all of this "For Attention" or that I can just "Think Happy Thoughts"…
How on earth can I explain how severe childhood abuse… having your own mom put a gun to your head… Telling you she can kill you any time she likes… Having her beat the crap out of you because you poured her vodka down the drain… Watching the same mom put a bullet in her own brain when I was 16… Having an abusive relationship that just mind-raped me… And now trying to cope with just being ALIVE, let alone being productive…
How on earth do you explain all of this to people that tell you to just think happy thoughts or walk it off?
