I’m a black male 35 y/o who got divorced seven years ago. I married a woman with two children and had a daughter with her. I worked hard and we moved from federal housing projects into our own home. She never worked more than part time during the marriage. We divorced as a result of her infidelity, multiple times during the marriage with the last one being with a close family member of mine. She got to live in the house rent free for three years afterwards and she got child child support for my daughter also during this time. I had to live with my mother. But I’ve managed to get the house back and now I have custody of my daughter. But what bothers me is because of all the financial stuff and the living situation, I have been unable to date or find a significant other. I’ve been alone for seven years and women have told me that I’m not marriage material because of my finances and the fact that I can’t provide for another family. So as women on this forum, how am I suppose to feel or react? Women’s rights or empowerment has done nothing for me and men like myself. Women who are financially stable or well off say that I’m a downgrade for them. So how am I suppose to feel about this? My ex-wife gets to date and sleep with whomever and here I am lonely night after night. Where’s the fairness and equality in that?
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I was in a marriage of 24 years. When I met him..he kept things from me for like 6 months. Big things like he had been married..had 2 children..wasnt divorced but just separated. We of course had sex within that time..so he cheated on her..In time of course I found out about it and told him to go back to his family. They couldnt get along so he came back to me. Within time..they divorced. He said he finalized the divorce. As years go on..she let me know that he wouldnt have ever divorced if she wouldnt have finalized it. We ended up having 3 children of our own. They are now..21, 18 and 16. My 2 oldest ones are boys and are in the Marines. My youngest is still at home. This year we divorced. Before my divorce became final..I met and fell in love with a guy..who was also married. He told me that he was divorcing. I believed him. We seen each other for 6 months and my divorce finalized. His wife pulled out all that she could and talked him into coming back home. Although he no longer sees me or talks to me ..from mutual friends at work..he still isnt happy at home and continues to talk about divorcing her. Since then..I had gotten laid off and brought back to part time. There wasnt any way I could make it on my own at part time. My ex husband told me I could come back. So I did. He now tries so hard to make me love him again. He even tries to buy me back..a car..flowers..but I cant or wont be bought back. We are better friends now than ever but I dont love him any more. He wants sex but I refuse to do that when I dont love him any more. I feel wrong for living here and not love him. I dont want to use him. But what do I do? My family is gone. Parents have passed with cancer..grandparents are gone. Friends are married..dont want to push in on them. People tell me to use him because of the bad years that we had together of his drinking and fighting but ..its not in me to do that and yet in reality that is what I am doing. But if I could make it on my own..I wouldnt be here. Any suggestions? Please dont be mean..I know sometimes the truth hurts but some people just like to be mean. Thanks for your time.
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We still lived together. We can’t afford to live apart. He surprised me with a divorce for 2 reasons. Our child got very, very ill. I was emotionally devastated, and a real needy mess. He is still recovering. Second, my husband took out plenty of student loans for graduate school, and after 3 years of school, he couldn’t get a better job after graduation. I think it’s partially the economy, and partly HIM. Because of our son being ill, I sort of lost it and pressured him daily because it felt like our whole world was falling into a black hole.
Here’s the scoop. He loves me, he likes me. There is no one else. He thinks I’m needy. He’s super nice to me one day, then he’s snippy and secretive the next, reminding me that we ARE divorced. I felt so blindsided by the divorce that I keep making things worse by asking him over and over how he could betray me, and I get so weepy.
I feel like I’ve painted myself in a corner because we have children and I only work part time. He has most of the money, and now I feel ALL of the power. Everything I read says to get him back I need to act confident, NOT needy, and a little hard to get.
What the hell do I do? This has been the WORST year of my life!
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My husband and I are both middle aged and set in our ways. He was used to a lot of freedom, which he uses for political activism and taking care of his parents. I believe marriage should include togetherness and doing things as a couple not leading separate lives under one roof. We fought a lot about this and counseling made it worse because we’ds patch things up only to rehash the issues in counseling and start fighting again. My husband moved out. Last week, I threatened divorce and he showed up crying at my doorstep, so we agreed to live separate for a year and spend overnights at our house on the weekends to give time for him to get used to spending more time at home and assume the responsibilities of marriage. He had not come home yet because he had been working on some activism thing(of which he forwarded me every e-mail, scheduled meeting, etc.) and I thought that was it until yesterday at lunch. I went by his ex-girlfriend’s house and his car was parked the next street over. I left a note on his windshield that that explained so much then got back to the offfice and e-mailed him he was busted. He e-mailed back he went to pick up his clothes at her place, she wants nothing to do with him because he married me, and that she has a boyfriend in Europe and is moving there. He said he was taking time to think and finish doing his activism thing. I e-mailed his behavior has been most suspicious and I want to see the clothes because if that’s what he went there for he should have them and gave him an ultimatum. I said no more part time husband, you are moving back in full time this weekend so I know where you are nights at least and you are working to save this marriage with me because I am not giving you a divorce and if we end up having to get divorced it will be as nasty and expensive as a divorce can be because you betrayed my trust and put me through hell for the past month and you deserve to feel a bit of what I have. I said also we would not have sex until he gets tested and gets results for STDs and that I want no further communication from him except when he shows up with his belongings to move back in because I’ve heard enough excuses and rationalizations and I am not listening to more. I want to save this marriage for both noble and petty reasons: I love him(Noble) and (Petty) I am not giving him to the ex-gf and granting his mother’s wishes after all the interference she created in my marriage because I am Hispanic and she did not want him to marry a "spic". Was this a good way to handle things, why or why not? Abusive and insulting answers using name calling, or focusing on grammar rather than answering the question, violate yahoo answers guidelines and will be reported.
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The way we did when we first met, it seems the fire has gone out, we are not very intimate at all anymore. We have been married 7 years and have 2 boys. She takes care of the house plus works part time, I work full time and take care of the majority of the bills, but i’m not sure thats enough? Any Ideas to help me fix this would be greatly appreaciated. I’m willing to try anything, I love my wife!:)
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