My husband and I are both middle aged and set in our ways. He was used to a lot of freedom, which he uses for political activism and taking care of his parents. I believe marriage should include togetherness and doing things as a couple not leading separate lives under one roof. We fought a lot about this and counseling made it worse because we’ds patch things up only to rehash the issues in counseling and start fighting again. My husband moved out. Last week, I threatened divorce and he showed up crying at my doorstep, so we agreed to live separate for a year and spend overnights at our house on the weekends to give time for him to get used to spending more time at home and assume the responsibilities of marriage. He had not come home yet because he had been working on some activism thing(of which he forwarded me every e-mail, scheduled meeting, etc.) and I thought that was it until yesterday at lunch. I went by his ex-girlfriend’s house and his car was parked the next street over. I left a note on his windshield that that explained so much then got back to the offfice and e-mailed him he was busted. He e-mailed back he went to pick up his clothes at her place, she wants nothing to do with him because he married me, and that she has a boyfriend in Europe and is moving there. He said he was taking time to think and finish doing his activism thing. I e-mailed his behavior has been most suspicious and I want to see the clothes because if that’s what he went there for he should have them and gave him an ultimatum. I said no more part time husband, you are moving back in full time this weekend so I know where you are nights at least and you are working to save this marriage with me because I am not giving you a divorce and if we end up having to get divorced it will be as nasty and expensive as a divorce can be because you betrayed my trust and put me through hell for the past month and you deserve to feel a bit of what I have. I said also we would not have sex until he gets tested and gets results for STDs and that I want no further communication from him except when he shows up with his belongings to move back in because I’ve heard enough excuses and rationalizations and I am not listening to more. I want to save this marriage for both noble and petty reasons: I love him(Noble) and (Petty) I am not giving him to the ex-gf and granting his mother’s wishes after all the interference she created in my marriage because I am Hispanic and she did not want him to marry a "spic". Was this a good way to handle things, why or why not? Abusive and insulting answers using name calling, or focusing on grammar rather than answering the question, violate yahoo answers guidelines and will be reported.
