Is God trying to get me to return to Jesus by DAMNING my every move?

I was "saved" or I thought I was saved perhaps 8 months ago. I really felt I gave my life to Jesus. The church said, "If you pray this prayer and you mean it…you’re saved." Well, I prayed it and meant it. Apparently I’m not saved because I’m a more bitter and angrier person than ever before, although I STILL LOVE JESUS.

Things got better/the same for me after I became "saved" and professed my new-found faith to the congregation. After 4 months, I stopped going to Church. I started drinking profusely. I started visiting prostitutes profusely. I started working as a bouncer in a nude, filthy strip club. I became angry. I started lashing out. I started cursing, getting a tattoo. I started being treated for depression. I dropped out of college. I’ve been dumped by 4 girlfriends who I was sleeping with and they all developed hatred for me while I was nice to them. All my friends stopped associating with me. I stopped reading the Bible. I stopped praying. All I’ve done is tell people "I’m a Christian. I love Jesus" and wearing a huge, gold cross around my neck.

Do you think it’s possible/probable that God is allowing me to suffer miserably and making me search out things like whures and hookers and dumb girlfriends that are immoral. Do you think God has taken it up on himself to allow me to reach the low in my life where I want to jump off the Brooklyn bridge due to my misery?

Could he be trying to show me that no matter how many girls I sleep with; no matter how fancy my clothes are; how good-looking I think I am. That no matter how many film festivals my movies make, that’s not gonna help me. Could he be preventing me from having any happiness to FORCE ME TO GO BACK TO THE CHURCH AND THE LORD?

IS GOD CURSING ME SO THAT I LOVE JESUS MORE?
Don’t they say that the devil goes after you even harder after you become a Christian? Maybe the devil turned it up a notch against me?


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husband cheats but not want to talk after to save marriage?

We have a 2 yr old kid, 16 yrs of marriage. Husb wanted a baby too, he refused any intimate relations with me after conceiving (breasfed 1 yr). He helped me in the house, shopping, is polite, had a job, but
we had no physical contact at all. He kind of loves the kid but
in a very old-style way; cold, doesnot read books to her or
take her to the park.
He asked me not to force or ask for bed time with him. He would help with the kid when ASKED,he said he was 10% an active father. I am full-time working mum, and toddler in childcare 5 h /day when not sick, and I spent mostly of time alone with kid, bcz husb not showing any interest. Now, he had interest in a co-worker, no Xmas presents for us, emotionally is detached from us, he told me about having prostitutes and wanting to leave me before having baby , to find his freedom, does not want me, will send me money for kid. Affair is over, he is depressed, no job,
he does not want to talk, to leave, to save marriage. What can I do?


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