Went to mediation with my ex because I want to increase my parenting time?

Currently, I have 1 and 1/2 days with my two children, so I filed a motion with the court to increase my parenting time. The judge sent us to mediation. After talking with the mediator for 2 and a half hours, he sent a report to the court recommending I increase my parenting time to 3 1 /5 days (so about half) with my children. He even ended up calling my ex a drama queen and she needs to stop. As well as using derogatory remarks against me on public forums with her friends, which he included on his report.

Naturally, my ex is not agreeing to this. She thinks I should have hardly anytime with our children because "they are always crying to here about how much they hate it over here" and blah blah blah.
Well I don’t see this. In fact, when I see my kids they run to me with big hugs and smiles. We play games and spend quality time together (which to me, 1 and a half day is just not enough, I love my kids) They don’t seem at all intimidated. Sure, they get in trouble and get restriction and are given healthy food at dinner and not have a over abundance of junk food. They are expected to clean their rooms and help with chores around the house. But heck, what kid wouldn’t complain about that? I did when I was a kid. Are these the things our kids are crying about to their mother when they go back to her house? Are they being quized so she can make remarks about me on puplic forums about how much of a jerk I am? I wonder.

All I want to be is a father and have more time with my kids so that I can be a part of their growng up. I do not go about complaining about my ex on public forums (I do go to counseling to do that)

So my question is, can she actually prevent me from getting my increase even though we have a mediators report? I do everything I am supposed to be doing, I house them, feed them, clothe them, make sure they do weel in school, go to school events, and spend time with them. Her only complaint is what she and the kids talk about me. Which I think she should not be doing because she is not a tir party to this. She has a lot of hostility towards me and of course if the kids bring up one thing, she can repond to them making it ten times worse.



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After-breakup suggestions?

After trying to make things work with my boyfriend for months and months, I realized I was the only one willing to make an effort. He admitted he was the one who had to change, but after a week he’d go back to the same crap, taking me for granted and being a lazy oaf.

Of course that doesn’t erase my love for him, the fact that we were together for almost 3 years and how nice things were in the beginning…so naturally I am really sad.

I have a young daughter whom he was failry close with but he never tried to play dad…which is appropriate, but he didn’t entirely step up to the plate either.

I want to get on with my life and stop brooding over it, but I need some tips…what did you do to help yourself after a particularly hard breakup? (of course I know that spending extra quality time with my daughter is key).


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step mom, please help?

I am a step mom (or soon to be) of a wonderful 2 and a half year old little girl. My boyfriend and I have been together now for a year and a half. My boyfriend and his ex wife separated when the baby was only a few months old, (no I was not the reason) at that time the ex wife took advantage of the fact that he felt guilt for the marriage failing and that he didn’t know that he could’ve stopped her and she moved out of state back to her hometown, half way across the country. This will be a second marriage for both of us, we’ve known each other since we were kids… at any rate, his ex wife kept their daughter in her homestate and wouldn’t allow visitation to him or his family unless they flew out to see her, which he did several times. When he and I first started dating I didn’t know the specifics of their divorce or their previous agreements so I kept my mouth shut and stayed out of it. He flew out there every 6 weeks to spend anywhere from 5-7 days with her, which ended up being only two days at a time. His ex would let him keep their dauhter for more than two days and then would make him bring her back to her and then he could keep her for another two days before he left… which to me is BS since your making him go all that way and he isnt getting to spend the quality time with her that he was looking to or that she told him he could, but again I kept my mouth shut.
Now over the past year I have given him some advice. I got him to speak up to her and request that she or he be allowed to bring their daughter back here for visitation for him and his family, mind you the family and her (the ex) don’t get along at all, so his parents didn’t see their only grandchild for almost a year, which really bothers me, coming from a tight knit family. I told him I thought he should seek out custody arrangements with an attorney to have the courts appoint visitation so that he is guaranteed to get his time with her, which he has done, we are still waiting on the courts though. Meanwhile, since he has pursued an attorney the ex wife is allowing their daughter to come and stay with us for a few weeks every few months, which is great!
My dilema is that his ex wife doesn’t see me as anything but just a girlfriend. Yes if you want to be technical I am… BUT at the same time, I am going to be marrying her ex and be their daughters step mom, so I will be a major part of their daughters life. I know I don’t have the right to make life decisions on their daughters behalf, But I am the one who she spends a lot of time (which I am grateful for) with if he gets stuck working when she is here, he works shifts and he cant always get the time off he requests (since he is low man at his job and my job is very flexible with time off I take as much time as we need for her). How do I get his ex-wife to start including me in travel plans and such? Or even recognizing that I am here to stay and I am not going anywhere so she has to deal with me as well! When their daughter is here, we follow ALL of the same rules her mother has for her at her house, bed times, nap times, snack times, dinner times etc., even down to the time outs if she misbehaves (as much as we hate to) we want this transition from our house to hers to be as easy as possible and want her to know that different houses doesn’t mean there are different rules! I also want her to know about the things I try to do or have done with her when she is here, so that she doesn’t feel like an outsider. Is there I way that I can try to develop some type of relationship with my future husbands ex, that is healthy and open as opposed to it being a resentful and painstaking relationship?
Sorry this is a little long winded, I am trying to give you all a background on the relationship as it is now… feel free to ask questions
Thank you for your responses… and any additional info you can offer me is extremely helpful also!
Lovin_Life… I do not think you are too young at all, in fact I think it is great that you responded because it opens my eyes to the other side, the kid side and I love that! As adults we sometimes lose sight of how the child feels and that isnt right. We need to include them every step of the way, which is what I try to do with her when she is here, even though she is so young, I think when she gets older she will appreciate that more!
THANK YOU
and to Domi E thank you for your honesty, I held my breathe posting this b/c I was prepared for someone to bash me telling me I need to know my roll and back out of the childs life or something similar, since I read other Step Parenting questions prior to posting this one.
Thank you!


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What can I do to try to get my wife to fall back in love with me?

Me… this is a tough one to write because of two conflicting parts of me. I am over critical of myself, and I am also to prideful to admit when something really is wrong and I need help dealing with something. Two completely different mindsets colliding inside of my head, making things so hard to comprehend and explain to myself. I am a very compassionate person. I love to let someone I care about know exactly how much I love them numerous times per day. I am a person who needs to be told that they are cared about. I need that affirmation of love in my life in return from those that I love. I thrive on recognition… letting me know that I am appreciated in the things I do and the sacrifices I make on a daily basis. I am a romantic… I like the sweet nothings that can be given throughout the day… little notes in my work bag saying I love you, terms of endearment that are said any random time, in any random place. Quality time spent alone just talking about nothing, or holding one another under a blanket watching TV or a movie. That is who I am. That is who I have always been. I am by no means perfect. I have my share of faults as well. I get jealous very easily. I always assume the worst possible scenario with a situation. I over react to what should be a dead issue. I am too persistent in getting answers. I thought my wife was cheating on me because she was spending more time with another man at his house than she was with me, when all she was doing was playing video games and laundry. All that arises because she is so emotionally separated from me. All my jealousy and accusations come from that one thing that I hate about her. I want to have a wife to talk to. I want to have a wife that will talk to me about problems. Someone who feels so emotionally attached to me that she is comfortable talking to me about everything, whether she is in the mood or not. I do not believe that there is a proper mood for talking about a marriage. I am overprotective. I have found something that I hold more dear to me than life itself, and I do not want to lose it to anything or anyone. When she goes out to this guys house to spend time with him and hang out, and I am neither invited or thought of, I begin to do anything I can to protect what I have fought so hard for so long to retain… a relationship with the one person I love. My first step seems to always be the wrong one. I accuse her of fucking around on me with him. This obviously pisses her off and drives her further away from me emotionally. That is just the first thing that I think of. I just do not understand why I could not even ever be invited over with her to his house. See… here I go again and I am just typing things out here. I have asked her directly, and I pray that she was truthful, because I gave her my trust and believed her when she told me that she has never done anything with this man. I just have to figure out how to get the remaining thought out of my head forever so I do not accuse her again. I remember all too well the pain I felt when I was cheated on one time before. The pain was unbearable, and I contemplated many things that I am glad I never acted upon back then. I was naïve and stupid back then. I could not bear the pain to find out that Trina has cheated on me. I know also that I can not accuse her again, because if I keep thinking that she is doing something, then why not go ahead and do what I am accusing her of. I am creating my own demise here. I am digging my own grave… I have to figure out how to put the dirt back into that hole and seal it off for good. I need her assistance in doing this though. I need that reassurance from her that she truly feels that I am the one man for her, and that she would never do that to me. I need that affirmation and those terms of endearment to help me get over my childish behavior. Problem is that if I ask for it, she will assume that I am again accusing her, when I am not. I have to figure out the exact and perfect way to talk to her. When I have tried to just come straight out and talk, she gets very defensive and begins to assume that I am accusing her again, when I truly am not. I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I don’t know what to do to try to get her to fall back in love with me. I am willing to do anything at this point. If she asked me to take my own life for her, I would gladly do it… I am just so lost and confused right now without her with me anymore.


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Why Is He Acting Like This?

What The Hell Is Going On!!

WHY IS HE ACTING LIKE THIS? WHO SHOULD EAT CROW AND MAKE THE FIRST CALL?

I’m in a sticky situation…I started dating this guy at work after almost 2 years of knowing him. He is a very sweet guy…perfect in every way.

He stated that he had always admired me from afar but was too shy to make a move. When we first started dating which was about 3 months ago, we were inceperable, things were just moving way to fast, we were talking marriage, moving in together and babies…crazy fast. Due to the fact I work to jobs and have a 17 year old and a 15 year old, felt like I wasnt putting my all into the relationship and calling him and trying to see him started to turn into a chore and I became frustrated.

I felt that since we couldn’t spend quality time together and I deserved and he deserved all that a relationship has to offer that I should pull back and take a couple steps back. He wasn’t to happy with my decsion even started crying on the phone and told me how much he loved me through the tears…I finally got him to accept that I just need time to reevaluate, but he was still being a little to clingy by coming into my office and asking me stupid questions just to hold a conversation with me. So then I just started focusing on my work and putting my all into my job.

He says that I was being cold towards him which maybe I was…I just needed some space and time to think which he wasnt giving me like he said he would. But here is my problem the other day he forwarded to me a text message joke from an ex girlfriend of his at 1:00 in the morning! I specifically told him when we were in a relationship to never forward ANYTHING to me from your ex girlfriend. I said it is rude and disrespectfull.

Also the other day he went to lunch with a female co-worker who is married. I came around the corner and here I see him and her getting out of his car! He is the type to hang with the girls at work, take cigarette breaks with them etc…and when we were toether he stopped hanging with the girls out of respect for me. I just couldn’t believe that for a guy that was so distraught about me pulling back and I was doing it for OUR benefit that he would just dismiss what we had and go back to his old ways.

I would think that to prove to me that he wanted me and only me and that we could get through this as a couple that he wouldn’t be hanging with the girls and going to lunch. I am more mad then hurt…and I did text him the other day about him going to lunch with the co-worker…and he said…at least I know you still care about me because I can tell you were upset when you saw us!!!

I told him I wasnt upset (I am not the jealous type) I was more hurt and mad!! I just dont know what to do…we don’t talk anymore at the office he walks by all the time and I can see him looking in on me. Who is supposed to break this silence first him or me?

Ok…grant it I did want space…but is it right for him to try to make me jealous…why is he doing this? Can someone help me and read into this situation and this mans mind. I am 36 and he is 27. Please don’t judge me…no one in the office knows that we were dating…we were very private…but the tension you can cutt with a knife!! HELP
I meant to say he is 29 I am 36…sorry.

Please guys I need solid advice…the damage has already been done…Ive dated him…can’t change that…please don’t be critical…I really need advice.

THANKS!

No Sailor…I do not work for a Bank…why? Did my question hit close to home? if so sorry…thank you for your response…feel free to elaborate…thank you.


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