I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !
I just don’t understand the logic behind it ! there will always be resentment,yet some still hang around for the bitter pain !
I failed. Drove out both stepsons, leading to resentment from my wife. Daughter disrespects us both at 11, only going to get worse.
Is it best I cut my losses and move out?
I cheated on my wife after 13 years of marriage with a woman that was 20 years older than my wife. It was not just a one night stand it was meetings ofter work. I told my wife about the affair because I felt so bad afterwords. I know that I made the worst mistake of my life and that I love my wife more than words can say. It has been 3 years and thank god my wife let me come back home, we have even had a son since the affair but she says that she still does not trust me and that she still has anger and resentment towards me for it. She says that she wants answers as to why it happened and what she did so wrong that made me do it. It was nothing she did it was my stupid mistake and I did it because I thought I could get away with it and no one would get hurt. I have told her that I promise her it will never happen again but she still thinks that I don’t love her but I do. I have never cried so much in my life as I do when it comes to this. I feel like I have failed my wife and kids and am about to loose the only people in the world that ever meant any thing to me. Please help.
Is it worth saving? If so, do you think we can make it? Here is the situation. My wife and I have been married for nine years and together for a total of 12 years. We have a beautiful 5 year old son together. Our marriage from the beginning has been kind of rocky. We’ve fought over many issues in our marriage many of these have gone on for years and to this day we still continue to fight over them; for example, household chores. My wife is really messy and lazy when it comes to helping around the house. This is something that I noticed even when we started dating but I just thought it was something that she would grow out of as we got older (we met in college). I learned this isn’t the case. Throughout our marriage I’ve done almost 85% of the chores in the house. This includes the so called male jobs as well as the cooking, washing dishes, washing and folding clothes, paying the bills, filling out the X-mas cards, etc, etc. I’ve asked her many times throughout the years for help and she would just ignore my requests. I don’t think she meant to do it but subconsciously she just didn’t do anything and get back to watching TV or reading her books/magazines. We’ve gotten in some big arguments (tons of yelling and name calling from both of us as well as throwing items) about this issue throughout the years to the point where it seems I resent her. In addition to her cleanliness, my wife is constantly late to appointments (affects me and my son), can’t multi-task (hence why I do all the housework), and must be reminded to constantly clean up after herself (picking up her clothes off floor, turning off lights, fans, etc.). Believe me I’m not perfect but after so many years of arguing over some of these issues I guess I started to resent her to the point where my feeling for her started going away. In addition to this resentment, we have the worst sex life. In fact, we haven’t had sex in probably 2 years (I guess resentment on my end and I’m not sure on her side). We’ve tried a few times in this period but we always end up not being able to go forward. I’m actually kind of “weirded” out by the whole experience anyway. In fact, our sex life hasn’t been good in quite awhile. So this has been my life the last few years. We’ve both have thrown the “D” word several times in the years but have always done so in a heated argument so maybe my wife never felt like I meant it. Anyway, I’ve been out of the house for about a month in an “unofficial” separation. I told her back in July that I didn’t love her anymore and that my feelings for her changed so she asked me to leave the house. Here is the kicker—part of the reason why I finally took the step and told my wife how I feel is I met a women who I’ve been communicating on an emotionally level with since May. We are professional acquaintances but we both have expressed interests in one another and could see us dating if circumstances were different. We didn’t do anything physically but have acknowledged that there is physical attraction on both ends. To make a sincere effort on trying to save my marriage I’ve since broke contact with this women. It was hard but I know it is the right thing to do. In regards to my marriage we’ve tried counseling but so far it hasn’t really been much help. The counselor has given me suggestions on how to forgive my wife for not listening and helping me these last few years and ways to communicate better. The big problem is I’m not sure if my feeling can return back for her. When I think of why I want to stay the reasons tend to point back to holding on for my son. Also I find myself wanting to be single again. Believe me I have no desire to be “pimping” out there like some gigolo but I just want to meet someone who I may be more compatible with. I use to think my wife and I were had so much in common. I guess over the years this has changed. It seems like we have become more and more opposite. Please help. I’m open to any comments and suggestions. THX and sorry for the long story.
I have been with my husband now for almost 4 years. We just recently got married and it has been a little over 2 months. When I met him I did have a child from a previous relationship. After dating for 3 years we had a child of our own which is his first.He has always been a vivid drinker having to have at least 6 beers a night. Some nights it is more and then some nights it is less, if any at all (although those nights are rare). My husband was raised by his grandparents because his mom chose a man over her children and sent my husband and his older brother to live with her parents. He has alot of resentment and abandonment issues that stem from this. Also he has never met his biological father because his mother up until a couple months ago would even tell him who he was. She came out about 5 months ago and gave him a name and that was it. She said she didn’t know what town he lived in but she did have a stated, and she wanted him to know that his father did know about him before he was born. He has went thru very hard times growing up watching his granmother pass away, getting into the wrong crowd, doing hard drugs, drinking and partying. He has been in two wrecks that should have took his life becausehe was drunk. He totalled out both vehicles in those wrecks. One he was going about 90 mph and lost control and went off the road. The other he was going too fast lost control and ran off the road and broke his neck. i cant imagine how he survived either one, but i am very greatful he did. I met him about 6 months after he got his halo off (which was what they had to screw on his head when he broke his neck). I loved everything about him. He made me feel so important and so special, he accepted me having a child and loved my son to death, yet he did drink. As the years go by and i see how bad his drinking really is ive become to HATE alcohol. I have never been a big drinker nor have i done drugs so i dont see what it is about it that people just HAVE TO HAVE.. He could tell me time and time again i dont have money for this or i dont have money for that but there is ALWAYS beer in the refrigerator. When he drinks all his childhood emotions come out and it really intensafies his emotion that soon lead to anger. He overtalks me and will not listen to what i have to say becuase hes been through so much more than me in his life and i just dont understand and will never really understand him. Ive threatend to leave in the past but never done it. Im to the point now where i dont know what to do. I am 25 years old and i get advice from my mother becuase i look up to her and respect what she says, but i dont know if she is just telling me he will never change becuase she doesnt care for him? or what.. I was a only child so i know by all means i was not perfect in the releationship either. I see myself as a good mother, a loyal wife, churchgoer, i have a job that i have had for the past 4 years*doesnt pay that well*but it is a job. Some women think the man can jsut work and support them but i acually go to work everyday so that we can have extra money for the extra things we want or need. I just feel like i am stuck here trying to change him and he isnt going to change and im wasting my time… Yes i see what is happening maybe i dont want to believe it but i do. I love him so much and want nothing more than our family to work and us raise our kids but with him not respecting my wishes on him to stop drinking then that shows me he doesnt care. Everything is my fault…i dont understnad him, i cant relate to him, i will never be able to provide for our family like he can. These are just some of the things i get on a daily basis.He gives me excuses as to why he is drinking.. well some friends came over we are watching this ppv fight, you let me drink 2 beers the other night whats wrong with it now…. this is what he says to me.. Well now i see that me condoning him drinking those two beers was really not the right thing to do becuase it gets put in my face now, so im to the point NO BEER AT ALL and have your family together…. or keep drinking but im going to find someone that iwll love and respect me the way i know i deserve to be respected. Sorry for rambling on guys i just really need some elder advice. This isnt everything in our life but it touches on alot of things. It is humiliating to have only been married 2 months and it is coming to this. I have tried praying at church, spending quality time with him and the kids, tell him he is doing a good job on not drinking as much, ive read 2 books on the inner life of a man and how they feel and what i can do differently, ive called a counsoler, ive signed up for daily emails on how to save our marriage, ive tried to talk to him and i have told him what he can do to change, i have asked him to do the same for me yet he refuses. When he tells me hes done all he can do the only thing that comes to mind is he has started attending a recovery group*yet he is still drink
Sorry it didnt take my whole message here is where it left off….*yet he is still drinking*, he tells me he provides a home for our family, he tells me he plays with his kids, but you dont hear naything about ME in there… nothing about ive done this and done that to make our relationship better. Hes told me several time that paying child support would be ten times better than being with me. A week after we got married he told me he has felt the erge to leave but he hasnt because of the kids becuase he didnt want to be away from them… Is there anything more I can do to help save our marriage or should i just let it go here and stop holding onto something that is not there…? All advice is welcome good or bad… Please Help!!!
