Here’s a long story.
Dated my best friend for three years starting freshman year. Last couple months have been rocky – I picked fights over everything accidentally, but still didn’t stop. We talked last Sunday about being sad in the relationship because no one is budging, and I suggested since he seemed so doubtful about what to do, that we should break up. To my surprise, he didn’t deny it as he usually would (with him or with another partner, never again will I try the reverse psychology…no games). I begged him Sunday night thru Tuesday night, and eventually he went from being nice about it to telling me he fell out of love with me and that he was unwilling to work on the relationship and he didn’t want it. Of course I’m devastated. Well that was Tuesday, where he also said he didn’t miss me. It had only been two days at that point and I know he’s been under a lot of stress, and he thinks that this will fix our problem – running away from it. He said he wants to be friends (the classic line to soften the blow) but I don’t want that, but now I can’t fight it. So I’m going along with it, and Friday he sees me and comes up to me at school and hugs me, then goes on to say, "Oooh girl you smell good." It’s like why would he do that? Then Friday night I go out with my friend and shop. Saturday he texts me saying good morning, much like a friend WOULDN’T do. That’s not just friendly at all. He stopped doing that when we were dating even months ago, and probably around the same time he claimed he fell out of love. Then all day he texted me, asking me what I did Friday night, who I went with, where I went, what I bought, what I was doing Saturday, where I was going, and who I was going with. He NEVER did that before when we were dating. Why now? Why is he complicating this? He said he wants friends but it’s not just friendly talk. He’s not being sexual but it’s not always strictly being sexual that makes a relationship. Then Sunday he didn’t talk to me at all. He’s hot and cold! He had told me before that he didn’t like how I acted, but he was never as explicit to why until it was too late. But I feel like he’s fighting with himself on his decision. A lot of our mutual friends are ambushing him asking him what’s the deal, and now he’s shutting even his best guy friend out about it. I think he needs time to figure things out once his obligations quiet down and he gets to think about what’s going on, but can someone tell me what’s going through his mind? He’s not trying to be friends in a good way because if I need to move on I will, but I can wait for him. I just won’t wait forever, and he can’t put me through this heartache of trying to figure him out. He even had said that he wants our friendship to be natural, and if it comes back to being together, then it does, but we shouldn’t force it. It seems like he’s forcing it to stay friendly at times even when he feels like he wants more. That’s also not natural if he is falling slightly for me again…he’s fighting himself. I wish I could get him to listen to his heart and not just his head. I don’t want to fight either but I can’t show him that we won’t fight unless we’re together. Friends don’t just fight for no reason – couples fight because of couple problems. Help…how can I show him that we should be together by being his friend?
*I have evaluated my issues and our issues and they’re just a matter of dealing with problems better, not lashing out for stupid things. I just want to to prove to him that this can work – but I want to know how to make it to that point. He said he loves me but isn’t in love with me, so there’s that love there. I think he’s scared to get back into it and be hurt, but I want to show him that being with me or having an us doesn’t have to be painful – it shouldn’t hurt.
