How Can I Help My Wife Fall Back In Love?

How can I help my wife fall back in love?

She says she still deeply loves me. She still Holds my Hand and Kisses me without me doing it first. She says she loves me very very much. She still wants sex from time to time even, and says I turn her on.

We have 2 boys 7 and 12 yrs old. We got married when she was 18 and I was 22. She is now 34 and I 38. She is a CRNA Nurse Anesthesia Resident and is in school or working about 65 hrs a week. I put her through school working as hard as could over the years to help her get her RN and BSN.

We have been married for 14 years and I have not always been easy to talk to, I would always end up blowing up with a temper when she asked me to help clean house or something by saying she was nagging. She got to the point where she bottled feelings (because she felt we couldn’t talk, and I don’t blame her) and let build up to the point where we are where we are at now.

She says it started with her just over year ago. It started about a 2-3 weeks ago when I came home to a letter saying she was at her Moms and we need to separate. We text-ed all day and eventually talked and I talked her into coming back home so we could talk. I thought I was listening but I was still only hearing her, when she told me she needed help around the house.

The next time and last time we fought (which was last Thurs. night) I got mad and threw my clothes in my truck and left for the night. This was a bad move. I called her and told her I loved her very much and I was coming home, that leaving was very wrong and I am going to make this work. She said she loved me too. I came home and we talked for hours and from then on I have been doing all the laundry, washing dishes. making the kids school lunches just what ever I can to help.

We spent last weekend together shopping and tried a new Church on Sunday, holding hands and again assuring her I loved her. We hadn’t been to church in many years. We had sex 3 times over the weekend she even played dress up on Saturday night, She said she enjoyed the weekend. I now stay calm when she has a concern, assuring her she can talk to me.

That’s how I found I was a little late with my change and she is no longer “in love with me”. I CALMLY told her that it was ok and I don’t blame her. I assured her that I am a new man, and I love her, and I will not give up. She said she loves me very much too, and it’s just something she needs to work on. We are trying to get into a counselor. I tell all the time I love her, even texting her at work and saying it. (maybe too much?), I told her she was the best thing that ever happened to me and she is the best wife I could ever have and how beautiful she is.

She says she feels like she can move forward easier knowing I know how she feels and I love her. I am very scared and I pray I am not to late. She wants deeply to work it out as much as I do, I just hope she can. I have a company Christmas Party Sat. night that we are going to together. I called her and asked her out and asked her if she would like to go like I would a “girlfriend”. She said she thought that was cute! I hope I can rekindle something on this night (God I hope).

My Questions: How can I help her? Am I trying “too hard”? To the point I could be doing more harm than good by smothering her? I love her so much and I know she loves me. I just want her to be ‘in-love” with me again. What can I do?


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What do I do next? Only serious answerers please (maybe the women can figure this out)?

Usually I am fairly good at figuring women out, but this one has got me stumped!

I began dating my now ex-girlfriend in December of 2007. In June of 2008 we decided to move her in with me because we were very much in love and we were driving 40 miles 2 or 3 times a week to see one another. She was having a hard time finding a job here in her field and my business was slowing down because of our terrible economy. I decided it was best if we both moved back in with our folks for a couple of months while we both got back on our feet financially, and sometime this spring I was going to buy, or build us a home and she was going to move back here.

I moved her home on the 15th of November 2008. After she moved back home she seemed to slowly distance herself from me. We stayed together through the holidays, my birthday was New Years Eve which we spent together with friends and my family and after that she started acting strange. On the 10th of January she split up with me saying she needed to focus on her daughter, going back to school to become an RN and that I needed to focus on my daughter and my business, and maybe in a few months we could try it again. She also begged me to stay friends with her saying I was her best friend and she didn’t want to lose that.

I read ”the magic of making up” a highly rated book on getting back together, immediately after we split and it basically said to leave her be and she will come back if I don’t pressure her.

The first 4 or 5 weeks we would communicate a few days and then I wouldn’t hear from her, and this went on repeatedly. Finally I decided I couldn’t keep putting my heart through this, so I wrote her a long letter basically telling her I had to stop talking to her because the on again off again communication was killing me inside. I told her how much I cared but I had to walk away and when she wanted me in her life she could get a hold of me.

Two days later I shut off her cell phone because I wasn’t going to keep paying the bill if we were no longer together (I informed her first). She shipped the phone back to me with nothing inside except the phone and charger and I didn’t hear from ehr after that. Two weeks ago she deleted me from her MySpace account but left a few pictures up of us. I didn’t react to it.

I then called her best friends husband a few days later because he is a client of mine and I needed to update some things on his insurance policy. I didn’t mention her name once, I said I was doing well and in one month made a quarter of the income I did in all of last year. I made it sound as if life was wonderful.

The next day she called and I didn’t answer because I didn’t know her new number. She left a very polite message asking if she could meet with me sometime next week to pick up the rest of her things, which is a few kitchen things I know she doesn’t need right away because she lives with her folks, and a massage table that she never even uses. I didn’t call her back. That after noon she texted me, asking if I had recieved her message. I didn’t reply. That night she called again while I was asleep. I waited it out and texted her the following evening and told her I was extremely busy with my new business endeavors and that she would have to get a hold of me in a couple of weeks. I didn’t want her to think I was anxious to see her, and wanted to polietly blow her off like she had previously done me since we split up.

She texted me back and said ”fine. btw, didn’t know I needed to find myself. hey, got my license back today.” I congratulated her and she texted back again trying to make small talk and I responded politely saying ” I am happy for you.” And then we quit texting.

My question is this…..I know she doesn’t need her stuff immediately because it is of no use to her right now, and if it was that important to have right away then she would have made more attempts to get with me right away to accomplish this and probably would have made a big ”to do” about it. And she didn’t.

So since she got a new phone number and I made no attempt to contact her and find out this new number, I often think that may be one reason for deleting me from MySpace, trying to get a reaction out of me. And since I didn’t react to that she had to think of something else, which a good ”excuse” to get in touch with me would be to pick up her things. I also wonder if she would have called had I not talked to her best friends husband and told him how well life was going for me now. I really don’t know what to think.

I wonder if I should start initiating contact with her, or leave it be, and let her contact me again in a week or two for her stuff. And from that point I wonder if I should maybe ask her to lunch and see if I can slowly try to rekindle things, or wait for her to let me know she is missing me still. What are your opinions? And thank you for taking the time to read this. I am lost without her, but want to make sure I take the r


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