We’ve had a pretty roller coaster relationship for about 5 years. I’d even call it emotionally abusive in the sense that he was withholding, jealous, and controlling. During our long distance phase he refused to visit me at all (he’s visited me once in all of our 5 years together) and often yelled at me if i accidentally called him at a bad time or would act annoyed that he had to call me.

At the time I thought that was about as good as it could get for me, so I stayed with him, though we’d break up and get back together constantly.

I broke up with him about 6 months ago because I couldn’t take his crappy treatment anymore. I’m currently dating someone else.

The thing is, my ex and I talked a LOT since we broke up, nearly every day (he’d call me). It wasn’t until I started dating this guy that I kind of stopped picking up his calls or calling him back. Usually my ex wouldn’t care but apparently he suddenly decided he wanted me back (again) and started doing his whole guilt tripping emo thing by telling me he wasn’t going to call me anymore so if i wanted to talk to him i had to call him.

I’d call him periodically every few days but he ended up getting super pissed a week later off about this lack of calling and threw a hissy fit, txting me things like “you aren’t worth my time” and “i’m done with people like you”. I’m not sure what his emotional status is right now but he drove down with some friends to where I’m going to school right now and wanted to “spend the night” at my place, to which i told him to gtfo.

ANYWAYS TLDR:

I’m so sick of this vicious cycle. What’s the best way to tell your ex that you just want to be friends without him going apeshlt? I’d prefer not to tell him about this current guy right now in his current state because a) he’ll be horrible about it and b) i don’t even feel like i have an obligation to tell him because he’s never been honest to me about other girls.

Technorati Tags: bad time, current state, Dating, emotional status, few days, girls, guilt, hissy fit, long distance, obligation, quot, relationship, roller coaster, Vicious Cycle

My wife and I have been together for 12 years. The first 10 and a half were loaded with ups and downs as lifes roller coaster moves along. My wife and I have been through tons of good times and tons of bad times as well. She has stuck by my side through thick and thin. She has been there for me every time I have fallen flat on my face to pick me up, brush me off, and set me back on my horse. Why now, after all these years do I feel as though I love her for who she is, but that I feel empty inside myself and that I feel incapable of showing her the love that she deserves and giving her the life I want for her to have. She is so in love with me that it hurts me to hurt her this way. She has had a really negative life before me (negative childhood, negative and abusive first marriage, depression, anxiety, negative influences, etc), and all I want for her is for her to be happy and to have a good life. But, with the loss of my job after being laid off earlier this year, everything has gone down hill, fast. I have had difficulty in obtaining another career which would provide for her the way I want to provide for her. I feel as though I am a failure as a husband, a lover, a friend and, a father. These feelings have caused me to not love myself, much less anyone else. I fear that all I have done over the last year is hurt her, but she won’t tell me so. I sense it, I feel it, I see it. Our financial stability down the drain, in a negative balance in all of our bank accounts as we are overdrawn, my retirement account tapped out, our investments sold off and the funds used up, potentially on the verge of bankruptcy, our financially secure future up in smoke (??). What makes this more difficult for me is that we have an 11 yr old son together. Our son knows we are having difficulties and he is also aware that his mother and I may be on the verge of seperation/divorce. She is doing all she can, as she always has, to support me, help me, be there for me, but all I do is turn her away and I can’t help but think that if I can’t provide what I want for her, then, it’s best to let her go. I am in extreme turmoil and duress. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, have no feeling, no emotion, an empty shell, can’t make love, but, I LOVE HER, and I can’t show her. I can tell her, but the words feel as though they are hollow when I hear myself say it. She feels it. She senses it.
I fear that my own pride, my own fear, my own anxiety, my own issues are tearing me apart inside, and, therein, tearing apart my relationship with her. For the love that I have for her, I feel that it is best to stop dragging her down with me. I think it best to let her go so that she can go on with her life and not go down in flames with me. She says "…for better or for worse…", but, how can I continue to hurt her by not being able to provide her the life I promised myself and her that I would do my best to give. I pride myself in not hurting ANYONE, but here I am, hurting the one person in my life that has loved me for me, the one person I swore to hold and cherish til death do I part. I have told her that I do love her, but that I am just incapable of showing her. I have told her that I feel it is best for her to leave me so that she does not watch the man she married fall to shambles. I feel that if it was meant to be, and the love that we had was real all along, love will return her to me when I am stable again, but, how much more can I hurt her due to my own failures. Help. I am losing it, I am losing everything I am and I feel as though I have come to the end of my only opportunity to love for eternity.
Oh, and by the way, I am 35, she is 39. She has so much more in store for her out there than I can be and she does not need a failure for a husband. She says, supportively of course, that I am not a failure, but until I can feel in myself that I am not a failure, I can’t believe it from her or anyone else.

Technorati Tags: bank accounts, bankruptcy, depression anxiety, divorce, failure, feelings, financial stability, good times, investments, job, love, Loyal Husband, marriage, negative balance, nice guy, Proud Father, retirement account, roller coaster, ups, ups and downs, verge

My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years and I thought everything was great until about 2 months ago he had some form of a midlife crisis (hes only 36) about how we dont have kids (I cant) and he feels worthless etc..so we got passed that now about every other day he just turns off towards me..he’s made comments that really hurt just last night he said if he doesnt feel better soon he’s going to leave. Feel better about what? He’s harping on arguments we had early in our relationship. Almost as if it just gives him a reason to not care. He says he loves me wants to be with me but he does not show it. I cry constantly I love him with all my heart and all I want is to make him happy. I am so confused and I want to fix it, I’ve tried being sweet, listening, making his favorite food..everything..when i tell him how i feel it makes it worse. I need ideas..help..he says everything will be fine but how I can I live my life with no affection or love I feel so alone now and it would be nice just for him to make some effort..any suggestions… is this marriage going to last? is it worth saving? Neither one of us have ever cheated so I don’t understand where things went so wrong.
just to add.. I’d love to adopt but he has something against wants his own blood for whatever reason. He went from feeling bad about not having kids to now he says he’s to old to have kids and doesn’t want them. It’s been a roller coaster kind of couple months. For example right now he’s been talkative and funny..but give it a hour I’ll be in tears again. he says we don’t need counseling we’ll be fine but I like the suggestion of going on my own…
He’s 36– I’m 26..so no I am not starting to age

Technorati Tags: 3 years, affection, counseling, favorite food, heart, love, marriage, Marriage Help, midlife crisis, relationship, roller coaster, suggestion

I am 18 and so is my girlfriend. I’ll be a freshman this year at a college in town and she is a senior in high school. We have been dating for almost 3 years and towards the end of the summer our intense fights were starting to get the best of us so she decides maybe we should take a break. I didn’t see the good in this choice but there wasn’t anything I could really do about it. The reason for her needing space is because our relationship has been stressful lately and she is always working or doing things with school and just didn’t need our stress. I know people think there is another guy or something but I can assure you there isn’t. She says she loves me very much and knows we will get back together and it will be ok. We have been apart for a little over a month now and within the past couple weeks we have started talking a lot again. We have even hung out a couple times just as friends, and its been great because I feel like we have been getting to know each other all over again. Well, a couple days ago we hung out and I was about ready to leave and she hugs me and then she kisses me. Of course I don’t really stop it because its not what I truly want. I end up staying for another hour in her room. We kiss heavily and all those kinds of things, and she starts crying and tells me how much she misses me and needs me and loves me. It felt as though we were dating and everything was just perfect. But she still says..we cant get back together yet, I love you so much but we cant..Im sorry for making things even harder. You know I understand her reasons for being alone and I can accept that, but how things have gone lately I feel as though she is just being selfish now. Its not fair to me to be on a roller coaster with my feelings and just having to wait around. Im not really implying the she is out having the time of her life and im crying at home, its not like that at all. I just dint get how we love each other but cant date yet? I truly believe her and everything, but I have been in this situation before and I fear the same thing will happen to me again. Based off what I have said what do you feel is going on?

Technorati Tags: 3 years, couple days, couple times, couple weeks, feelings, freshman, girlfriend, relationship, roller coaster, stress, time of her life