2 years of dating now, i'm dating his roomate. Feelings are confused. How do you deal with your ex coming back

So, I dated Ben for 2 years, fell in love, which wasn’t hard considering I was getting over a horrible guy. This guy seemed perfect. A year in and we were still together, never fought, never seems to bicker about anything. A year and a half in.. I realized we hadn’t talked about a future together.. or a future at all. We are both old enough to begin to at least think about this, and yet.. we hadn’t. Around 2 years, Ben breaks it to me that he doesn’t know if this is it, he doesn’t know if this is “true love.” Ben had never been in a relationship before me, other than a few dates here and there, and I, well lets just say I’ve had my share of emotional connections. Ben was my 2-3 long term boyfriend and I felt with him what I felt with no other(and still, but we’ll get to that in a minute). I remember with Ben I never thought anything about another person, I never felt the need to think about another person, I was just.. as I like to put it: where I wanted to be. So the break-up happened and I made myself take a second look around. Maybe what I’d felt wasn’t love, maybe it was just what I could get at the time, maybe I could find more than “where I wanted to be.”
James and Ben were roommates for about a year. James was one of the sweetest guys I’d ever met(still to this day is). We’d always been friendly, yet I saw him in a different light, maybe it was a feeling, or maybe it was anger running though my veins to my ex. I felt as though it was a strong suggestion to at least try. James and I began dating soon after, he even asked his roommate(my ex) if this was okay. My roommate replied “I’ve seen how you to get along, it’s obvious it could be a good thing.. sure.” We’ve been dating for 3 months, and it has been a rocky time between our friends and my ex. James and I seem to not hang around them as much anymore, in fear that we might disturb peace between the “group.”
1-2 months into the relationship with James.. my ex discovers what happened was not what he wants now. He questions his decision to break up with me and starts a quick plan to win me back, I push away and take this as a “you’re an ex for a reason” type deal. I stop talking to him and tell myself this new relationship is everything I’ve wanted from Ben, only with someone else. Well, now, 3 months in.. I miss Ben. I think about him, and I pray he doesn’t move on.. because I feel like I haven’t fully recovered, nor that I may not. I love my new boyfriend, I feel things for him I can describe, but I love Ben, I feel things for him I CAN’T describe. Maybe it was my quick rebound relationship, or maybe… just maybe there was a reason for all this and the reason was to make it work with Ben. …I don’t know what my question is, I just need advice
Ben broke up with me because "he didn’t know if it was true love" since it was his first "love." He was confused.


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Do you think she will call?

I met a lady in Aug 08 and we saw each other once a week pretty casual till about March 09. Then she said I am perfect for her, she loves me etc. But then told me about a roommate she has. Since I first met her she had been upfront about having two daughters (5/9). She is divorced, after she got divorced she met a guy, They moved into together after 2 months. She got pregnant and lost the baby at 6 months (this was all before I met her). Anyway she says they continued to live together as roommates for finances. She says I helped her through the lost baby (even tho I didnt even know about it) because I was nice to her and listened to her. March 09 she says she is leaving roommate as soon as lease ends. March to Oct she says she loves me, best ever, etc. Early Oct she tells her daughters they are getting a new place. Oldest daughter gets upset and says she hates her Mom. I get a text saying "I dont want a future with you, let me go, dont call me or visit me". Well I call and say you cant break up with a text, lets meet in person to say good-bye. We meet she tells me real reason for break-up – that she wants to show her daughter that she will give the roommate one more try. She said she would try for 3 months and if didnt work out would call me. I leave, dont make any contact. 3 weeks later she texts that she misses me. We speak and she says she is moving out from roommate and wants to be with me. We see each other for about a 10 days. Then another text "I thought it was right to be with you, but I dont want to be with you, good-bye, dont call me or visit me, I promise to return your key next week". Of course I call and say whats up – she says that she is getting married to roommate because she got pregnant in the past month when we were broken up. She went on about how this is wrong, she doesnt love him, doesnt want a baby etc. I say good bye and best wishes. 6 weeks later I text and tell her that I hope she is Ok and that I felt badly because I never properly said good bye to her and that I wish her well and that I may get a job cross country. She writes back when are you going, will you come back, I worry about you. I tell her I will leave in Jul. She writes back that she may lose her baby, same problem as last time. I write and tell her I wish her good health. Few days later on Christmas she texts Merry Christmas hope your wishes come true. Mid-Jan I write to her and tell her I need my key back as I am moving in Jul. She writes back that I can pick it up the following week, that I put a magic spell on her as she misses me very much and that it would be a pity if I moved cross country and never came back. I see her the next week to get key. We spoke for about 1.5 hours. She said it was first time in 3 months she was happy, I asked why she never gave key back – she said "I kept it because I knew you would have to write to me to get it and come see me at some point and by not returning it I knew that you would be thinking of me". She said that she is not getting married, still having problems with pregnancy and that things not good at all with roommate – her brother told her "you dont love this roommate, follow your heart". Then she asked if sometiem I could bring her the pictures that I had of her. I said no problem. The next week I text and tell her I got her copies of the pictures, she wrote back asking to get them the next day. The next day she texts "sorry I cant today" – this was a Tuesday – no word till Fri – I text hey know you are busy just let me know a good time to give you the pictures. Then by next Thursday no word – so I figure Ok maybe she has second thoughts and realizes its best to stay with roommate. I write to her as I dont want this photos to be like the the key – her way of making me wonder about her so I text I havent heard from you so I figure that you dont want the photos and dont want to contact me. I understand and that is OK – I wish you all the best. Later at like 9:15 pm I get a text – I dont want the photos, I am in the hospital. I write back are you Ok is there anything I can do to help you. She writes back, I lost my baby today, dont call me or visit me please. I write that I am sorry for her and is there anything she needs, she says thanks, I need nothing. I write I wish her good health, feel badly for her and feel like and idiot for writing earlier in the day about stupid photos as she is in the midst of this trauma (which was unknown to me at the time). She writes back, I just lost my baby, lots of blood, I just need sleep and my family, please give me peace. I dont respond. the next day I write that I hope she slept OK, I will respect her wishes and not contact her, and I wish her well. I dont plan to contact her as she is clear she does not want that. Why would she call me from the hospital the night of her loss?


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Is he PLAYING me big time ? back with ex wife and ignoring me ? Go Ballistic or just walk away w/ dignity ?

I finally got back together with my boyfriend after 3 month long break
he had let his ex wife and ex gf get in the way
they both are hysterical demanding women but older than him and rich and powerful
he got mad at me when i was upset over him being late or canceling dates because of reasons ot do with them.

he was very hurt when i asked for a break.
since then he did a lot to be my friends and we dated again (no sex)
i know that tomorrow he is moving into a hous ein the same town as his ex . he said its to be closer to his son (but he has his son 50-60 % of th etime already)
he sold the house that he currently lived in and gave 50% to his ex wife as ordered by the court.
he also added her onto facebook
no problem but then i noticed he blocked me from seeing or posting on his wall (i can still see links/status updates)
and on top of that deleted my photo comments about his son and also my older comments on his status.

i confronted him and he said its to avoid drama.

finally i noticed he is developing a webpage for his ex sister in law who is a popular interior designer.

he and i had a very nice normal conversation last friday night
i had one bad piece of news to tell him though.
one of my roommates who suddenly left my house had been getting tons of mail from IRS ….
finally an open piece of mail came to me weeks ago.
turns out she hasn’t paid a small maount of taxes in 1993 and 2003 and theyve been adding in penalties and looking for her ever since.

well oddly 1 week ago the irs also also contacted me. i didnt work in 2007 (taking care of dying parent and renovating m house)
and i was kind of freaked out.
so i tol dmy boyfriend about it.
he said to calm down and that it isnt abig deal and that heck he once had a lien on his house from IRS for 90000 ( !!!)

so we talked some more and he said for me to not stress and that he had just seen the new movie julie and julia with his son.
he said i should cook for him again soon sinc eim so good at it.

and thats IT !
i called him and texted him sunday and nothing
The last i ever heard from him was nearly 7 days ago.
is he fine ?
yes he has updated his twitter all week
he is on facebook and aim as i type this question.
he updated his facebook to say he is proud th emovies he is producing are getting a lot of attention.
and speaking of twitter i uploaded ne pics of myself yesterday to my facebook.
on his twitter he made fun of people who take photos of themselves and called them vain friendless loosers (losers- spelling isnt his strong suit)

he is suddenly bitter and hateful of me ?

should i just delete him off everything and never speak to him again ?


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I need suggestions , what else can I do to try to save marriage, kinda long?

I have been married for 8 months, been with him for 2 and a half years. Our marriage has turned into a legal friendship. I have had 3 serious relationship talks with him in the past 2 months. Here are the problems. One is that he is on Lexapro, has been for over a year. The side effects are that they lose interest in sex. I excepted that at first, but we haven’t had sex since November. I told him to talk to his doctor about another med and he has seen his doctor twice since I said that and he has done nothing about it. The other thing is that he doesn’t want to do anything together anymore. He does not like my friends for whatever reason, doesn’t even try to get to know them. He does not want to go out with me and my friends even though he is invited every time. Even with out friends, he does not want to do anything. I go out, but I feel like I am married living a celibate singles life. The first talk I had with him, I was nice, trying not to hurt his feelings, I just said we need to do more things together, there are things we can do that don’t cost money, even play a game of cards or something at home. He said he understood and everything was fine, but then he did nothing to change. The second time I talked to him, I was a little more blunt, I told him that I feel that we are friends who kiss once in awhile and he agreed that he thinks we have turned into roommates. I suggested marriage counseling so that our marriage won’t get worse, and he seemed ok with it. Still, he has done nothing to change. The third time I talked to him, I didn’t hold anything back.
I told him how I feel lonely, how I feel like I have one life with him in our house and then another life with me out in the rest of the world. I told him that I feel like we lost it, he doesn’t feel that way. He feels things are fine. I told him that he feels things are ok, me here at the house cleaning and cooking dinner and that he has me to come home to. I feel that something is wrong, that I want to get back the passion we once had. He really had nothing to say to me when I was talking, he felt bad because he started to cry, but that was it. Still, no changes! My mom and my friend say that I might have to be the one to say let’s go do this or that, be the one to hook up with a counselor, basically be the one who carries this marriage. I don’t want to have to do that ALL the time. I want him to show some input, show that he cares. When we were first together, things were great. Then he went on that med and our sex life went to hell, and then after marriage, he just totally changed. I know that he loves me to death, he is never mean to me, but it feels like he is content with what we have now, we don’t even hold each other anymore. What else is there for me to do? Should I mentally have a time frame to give him before I say that’s it?
As of now, I don’t see myself leaving him, but I need to feel wanted, ya know? Any suggestions, thanks so much!
I am not ready to give up on the marriage, as the question is, what else can I do to save it and that I don’t see myself leaving him right now. I am in my late 30′s by the way and I know what marriage is.


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Questions about why she did certain things – I know it long – thanks for the help?

– As you read this I agree that this is a drama. I dont plan to contact her but want to find out her motivation for certain things – i.e. why did she text me from her hospital bed right after losing her baby, why does she always say dont call, write or visit me, and will she call again

–I met a lady in Aug 08 and we saw each other once a week pretty casual till about March 09.

–March 09 she said I am perfect for her, she loves me etc. But then told me about a roommate she has. Since I first met her she had been upfront about having two daughters (5/9). She is divorced, after she got divorced she met a guy, They moved into together after 2 months. She got pregnant and lost the baby at 6 months (this was all before I met her). She said they continued to live together in separate rooms as roommates for finances and her daughters liked him. She says I helped her through the lost baby (even tho I didnt even know about it) because I was nice to her and listened to her.

–March 09 she says she is leaving roommate as soon as lease ends. March to Oct she says she loves me, best ever, etc.

–Early Oct she tells her daughters they are getting a new place. Oldest daughter gets upset and says she hates her Mom. I get a text saying "I dont want a future with you, let me go, dont call me or visit me".

–Well I call and say you cant break up with a text, lets meet in person to say good-bye. We meet she tells me real reason for break-up – that she wants to show her daughter that she will give the roommate one more try. She said she would try for 3 months and if didnt work out would call me.

–I leave, dont make any contact. 3 weeks later she texts that she misses me. We speak and she says she is moving out from roommate and wants to be with me. She says she needs me in order to feel happy.

– We see each other for about a 10 days. Then another text "I thought it was right to be with you, but I dont want to be with you, good-bye, dont call me or visit me, I promise to return your key next week".

–Of course I call and say whats up – she says that she is getting married to roommate because she got pregnant in the past month when we were broken up. She went on about how this is wrong, she doesnt love him, doesnt want a baby etc. She said her roomate threatened to go to court and take the baby if she left him

– I say good bye and best wishes. 6 weeks later I text and tell her that I hope she is Ok and that I felt badly because I never properly said good bye to her and that I wish her well and that I may get a job cross country. She writes back when are you going, will you come back, I worry about you. I tell her I will leave in Jul. She writes back that she may lose her baby, same problem as last time. I write and tell her I wish her good health.

–Few days later on Christmas she texts Merry Christmas hope your wishes come true.

–Mid-Jan I write to her and tell her I need my key back as I am moving in Jul and ask her to mail it to me. She writes back that I can pick it up the following week, that I put a magic spell on her as she misses me very much and that it would be a pity if I moved cross country and never came back.

–I see her the next week to get key. We spoke for about 1.5 hours. She said it was first time in 3 months she was happy, I asked why she never gave key back – she said "I kept it because I knew you would have to write to me to get it and come see me at some point and by not returning it I knew that you would be thinking of me". She said that she is not getting married, still having problems with pregnancy and that things not good at all with roommate – her brother told her "you dont love this roommate, follow your heart". She asked me why I didnt hate her. I told her that she did not get pregnant as a way to hurt me, that I saw her as sad and confused with her situation, and that it is not proper to hate some one or say bad things about them especially when they are feeling down.

–She asked if sometime I could bring her the pictures that I had of her. I said no problem. The next week I text and tell her I got her copies of the pictures, she wrote back asking to get them the next day.

– The next day she texts "sorry I cant today" – this was a Tuesday – no word till Fri – I text hey know you are busy just let me know a good time to give you the pictures. — By the next Thursday no word – so I figure Ok maybe she has second thoughts and realizes its best to stay with roommate. I so I text I havent heard from you so I figure that you dont want the photos and dont want to contact me. I understand and that is OK – I wish you all the best.

– Later at like 9:15 pm I get a text – I dont want the photos, I am in the hospital, and that she lost her baby, dont call me or visit me please. I write that I am sorry for her and is there anything she needs, she says thanks, I need nothing. I write I wish her good health.The next day I write that I hope she slept O


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