I have an ex, we’ve been broken up for over two months now. The first month she changed her number and wouldn’t have any contact with me. The second month we slept together a few times and were pretty clingy again, and then she withdrew and now we are back to "friends" status it seems. I talk to her everyday and see her everytime she has a day off or I do.

She says there’s too much hurt in our relationship and that i’m too good for her and that I dont really want her, i just want the idea of a relationship

Actually, I’m so in love with her in hurts to not be with her and I find myself missing her every second I’m not talking to her.

She’s not the romantic type and she’s fairly anti social as she’s dealing with her own issues at the moment.

I just want suggestions/ideas on how to get her to fall back in love with me…or ideas on how I can at least try…in the past I’ve always given up on my exes but my heart just won’t let me this time.

I’ve worked on all the issues she had with me. I’m now medicated and in therapy for my anxiety, I use to hate her dog and now i bring him treats and he sleeps with me and i walk him, I use to be jealous of her male friends and now even though she intentionally tries to rile me up, i let it slide off my back and tell her to have a good time….everything she had an issue with, I fixed…now I know it takes time to prove it and I’m working on the time issue….I just want other ideas on how to get her to fall back for me again.

Until both of our issues became problems (her self esteem/eating disorder and my anxiety) we were perfect

*sigh*
If it matters I’m m/27 and she’s f/24. She knows I love her..but she doesnt think i really do..she thinks its not her I love but the idea of her and the idea of being in a relationship…..I don’t think her self esteem lets her think that someone could actually want HER and love HER.
I have told her how much I love her…it seems every couple days I post something in my blog (which only she can read) about how much I want to try again and how much I truely love her with all my heart.

she says "why didnt you see this before"

but the old cliche stands true that you dont know what you have until its gone and I thought that working on all my issues and spending hours in therapy and continuing to go every week would help at least some….but when we started sleeping together she was always telling me she missed me then after we hung out more she went back to friend mode.

Needless to say, I’m seriously confused by this girl

Technorati Tags: anxiety, blog, couple days, eating disorder, exes, good time, heart, love, male friends, relationship, romantic type, self esteem, time issue

We had a HUGE FIGHT it ended with me fighting another woman…finding out i was pregnant and being so very depressed! Oh and now i am single. He broke up with me he called me crazy for fighting the girl. She kept pushing herself onto him and i had had enough so i lashed out. But now i am basically in need of getting him back. I allowed him to take my happiness. I need him back in order to get that back. So do you have any positive suggestions. Please do not judge me for you do not know our struggle. Just suggestions on how we could work on getting back together.
this is actually my first fight! i never lose my cool
as i see i am being judged anyway…we were together for 3 1/2 years i never got out of control as i did that day. we barely argued. We were happy and if we were not i would not fight so hard to get him back. it was an act of rage and anger and my self esteem i too thought was higher than what it turned out to be. I will be a good mother regardless of what the father turns out to be. Nevertheless he will be a great father. Husband im not so sure. We were engaged. I do not cause much drama nor do i like to be involved in any. So all of this is out of my element and i am just using this as a tool to express my feelings right now. Again please don’t judge me. I have enough people doing that. Thank you

Technorati Tags: anger, element, feelings, good mother, happiness, positive suggestions, rage, self esteem, struggle

2 weeks before my wedding my husband told me he didn’t want to marry me (had to go through with it cause of the $$ and people involved). I have went through emotional abuse, drinking, physical violence, controlling issues, and sexual issues with this man. There was absolutely nothing right in our relationship. I finally decided I wanted a divorce and I walked out. Had finally gotten enough self esteem that I didn’t need him and that I could make it on my own. I have a good job and can financially support myself. For temporary – I went to my parents house to live and my dad has cirrohsis…and after all he has been through I came home to him and my mom fighting because he was drinking again. I moved out young because of this problem and I ran from it again because I didn’t want to be there so I went back to my husband. I don’t love my husband at all. But he promised that he would start taking meds and change the way he treated me. Things have changed a little but I still have so much hatred built up for him for the things he has done to me. I met a guy on a work trip back a few months ago and we talk every now and then. We both really like each other but he lives pretty far from me. I get butterflies when I think about talkin to him. I fell out of love with my husband so long ago because he never treated me like he cared one bit and now I feel so stupid for sittin around and letting it happen. I want my life back! I am 25 yrs old and a really good person. I just want to be happy. My husband is trying to manipulate me into staying and saying I can fall back into love with him. I have been goin to therapy to try to get all this figured out but personal experience or opinions would be appreciated.

Technorati Tags: butterflies, Cirrohsis, dad, divorce, Emotional Abuse, good job, good person, hatred, job, love, meds, mom, parents, personal experience, physical violence, relationship, self esteem, sexual issues, work trip

This is my second marriage. We have been married a little over a year, and yet I am totally insecure. I’m overweight and so is he, and yes I was overweight when he met me, so it wasn’t like I gained weight once we got married. I also stopped working, (his request) about a month after we got married. And I have not been able to find other work. I have always been a HARD worker and not working has literally destroyed my self esteem.

He was deeply in love with his ex-wife and she really hurt him. It took him a long time to get over her. She has a daughter with another guy, but my husband feels like he is her dad. They talk on the phone often, and he will often talk to the girl’s mother. Although he says the mother disgusts him, and he feels she’s one step above white trash, the fact that he talks to her drives me up the wall. Because I am constantly worried that his old feelings will come back. See, when we first started going together and then got married, he was hardly talking to the daughter or the mom. They were on kind of a "hiatus", I guess because of some kind of difference of opinion. But since we have married he has reconciled with the daughter and they started talking again. And I am constantly worried that he will want to go back with her mom. She was his first serious love, and she works and is much better looking than me. At least I feel she is, my husband disagrees.

He looks at other women a lot. Women that are way better looking than me. But he says looking is all he is doing. Which I believe, but I don’t understand why, because he could literally take his pick. We don’t have sex that often, because he has diabetes and high blood pressure which has caused him to have ED and he is considerably older than me. I’m 39 and he is 50. And for some reason lately, whenever we do have sex, I am worried that he is thinking of her. Or he’s thinking of somebody better looking. Because he couldn’t POSSIBLY be attracted to me. Despite him saying I am the prettiest girl he knows, and that he wouldn’t leave me for her or any other girl I have the hardest time being convinced of this. Why? What can I do to snap out of this?

Technorati Tags: dad, diabetes, difference of opinion, Hard Love, hard time, Hard Worker, hiatus, high blood pressure, long time, love, marriage, Met, mom, old feelings, Overweight, prettiest girl, second marriage, self esteem, trash, white trash

would you want him to tell you or would you want him to keep it to himself ? What if he did it twice, to see if the first time around wasnt just due to luck ?

Technorati Tags: Other Woman, self esteem

i’m 22 years old and am dating an amazing guy. i have never been this serious with anyone – we’re talking about marriage. but over the course of our relationship i have morphed into the bitchy girlfriend, and am constantly on his case about everything. i’m a very analytical person by nature, and don’t have the highest self-esteem, so i tend to take things personally, for example if he does not want to hang out, i automatically assume it was something that i did. he told me last night, after a fight, that he was miserable because i’m always yelling at him. i know the obvious thing would be to stop yelling, but it’s almost as if i can’t control it. i’m horribly embarassed about my behavior and just want to relax. i have a feeling, the way to fix it is to fix myself, but i’m not sure how to do that. i don’t know, maybe you guys have some advice, or know of some really good self help books out there, because i’m feeling a little crazy. i’m a very good natured person, i just freak on my man

Technorati Tags: 22 years, bitchy girlfriend, freak, marriage, natured person, relationship, self esteem, self help books

As a child (10) my mom left my dad without any warning all in one day and moved us in with another man while My sister (6) and I were at school. As I was pretty upset when I found out I got really upset and did not want to speak to the new man. He in return slapped me in the face and told me I would not treat him that way. That is when the LONG chain of abuse started. He beat me my sister and my mom every day. He constantly told me how ugly and stupid I was. I had absolutely no self esteem. He also tried sexual abuse a lot. He exposed himself and would slap us until we looked. My mom was terrified to leave him and we were threatened not to tell anyone. It lasted for 7 years until I started dating a guy and after a month or so he witnessed my step dad hit me and said I love you and you will not return to that house. My step dad said he would let my mom sigh for us to get married if in 6 months I would divorce him and take everything he had and come back. I told my b/f his plan and he told me to just go along with it until we were married. We got married the next day. (I was 17) He (24) was 7 years older than me and seemed like my prince charming! He has saved me from such a horrible situation! I thought I was so in love! He made me feel like a real person for once! He made me feel attractive! His family was very against us! They had only met me a couple of times and did not think I was good enough for him and told me that to my face. I will never forget his grandmother telling him (in front of me) “You are jumping into a dark hole with her! She is a baby and has no idea what love is and that we would not last 6 months) We did great for several years and I found out I was preg. At 19. We were all SO excited! Even his family! It would be the first grandchild. Well long story short I miscarried at 9 ½ weeks. We already had the nursery completed. I remember feeling so alone. My husband dealt with it by working extra which left me alone. I remember crawling into the crib with a stuffed animal and squalling my eyes out every day for quite sometime. No one was there for me. Then I found out my husband had an addiction to porn. It was my ultimate goal to get pregnant again! I wanted someone to love me ultimately! Finally a year later it happened! Again… we were thrilled! Found out it was a girl and life was great! Then as she turned a couple of months old. my husband dove into porn and wanted NOTHING to do with me! I was 23 and 110lbs. I have always had a high drive and he went a year and had not as much as kissed me. I was offered a job as a waitress in the evenings and thought this would give me a nest egg so one day My daughter and I could leave and I did not want to take ANYTHING from him but she and I. I started work (at 23)and got tons of attention which shocked me. ME??? ATTENTION??? WOW!!!!!! I finally met this AMAZING guy! He seemed to have it all!!!! I had already been saving to leave my husband when I started falling for this amazing man(33). After a couple of months I let him meet my daughter. She loved him! He offered to help me get out so that’s what I did. He explained to me that he loved kids and he and his ex-wife had tried everything to have their own and they informed him he had a low sperm count so he did not think he could have kids. I LOVE all kids SO much but told him that we have my little girl and I was ok if we did not have any together. Life could not get any better at this time. Then out of nowhere after 3 months of dating BOOM.. I am PREGGERS!!!!!!! I was SO upset at first. IT WAS WAY too soon! He was THRILLED which excited me. We got married at 5 months. Then shortly after I started having heart problems and salt/pressure problems and by the 6th month I was passing out neumorous times a day. I was frustrated and exhausted. I had a 1 ½ year old and now this awful draining pregnancy which took me away from my daughter and NEW husband. I just remember being SO stressed out and tired. The dr’s hospitalized me for precaution at 6 ½ months and said they wanted to induce as soon as tests showed he was ready. At 34 ½ weeks (and a 3 week hospital stay) they induced. Right after birth his lung collapsed and he was flown on a jet in pretty bad condition to a hospital almost 5 hours away. They would not let either of us fly with him so we had to drive. That was the longest trip ever. The dr had already given me pills for stress and depression as I was leaving the hospital. I got there and thought he was dead when we walked into the unit. He was covered completely with a blue sheet with blood splatters on it. I LOST IT!!!!! I could not even speak LITERALLY. I tried and nothing would come out. They informed me that he was ok and that they had inserted a pik line in his navel for blood and tests. We were so far from home, alone, I am still hurting from the delivery and there was no place to sit, we have almost no money and no place to stay. I was a mental wreck! That whole experience was awful and
and he was in that hospital for over 2 weeks with a rollercoaster ride every day of the docs telling us he is doing much better then them saying he is much worse. Finally he was better and we were released. His daddy was so excited! I was exhausted and had not seen my daughter in several weeks(she had stayed with her grandparents) so I guess when we got home I sort of let daddy take control of new baby and I could FINALLY rest. Well… That was a mistake. Daddy bonded with him so when Daddy went back to work a couple of weeks later, I had a 2 ½ old who had missed me and a newborn that did NOTHING but scream all day everyday! I was going crazy again! I remember days that my husband would walk in the door and I was crying as loud as the baby with a bag packed for me to leave as soon as my husband arrived saying I could not take it anymore. This went on for a while which made me resent the baby in some way because AGAIN I felt abandoned and alone. I started thinking something was wrong and
took him to the dr neumorous times in which the dr said he is just fussy. That made me so angry. Then he stayed constipated and had colic and finally we wound out he had massive ear infections. It was one problem after another. He got tubes at 2 and things were a little better. He still always wanted Daddy and not me. I in return started saying hateful things to my husband about the baby to try and get his attention. I know now what a bad idea that was but I honestly in some way felt like the baby had been put here to torture me from pregnancy till now. I called the baby HORRIBLE names. As our son gets older the emotions and resentment get worse. Our son is now 5 and been diagnosed with SEVERE adhd. He is taking 40mg of vyvanse and no one would ever know he is medicated if we did not tell them. He is still bouncing off the walls at times. He has NO respect for adults OTHER THAN his daddy and his grandmother (dads mother) His dad says it is my fault and that I have hated him from day

Technorati Tags: dark hole, Dating, grandmother, horrible situation, love, marriage, mom, new man, Prince, real person, self esteem, sexual abuse, Slap, step dad, stuffed animal, Stupid

We have been married almost 17 yrs, we have three children together. He hates the way I have handled the finances , ( He will not even attempt to pay the bills) and says he just dosen’t know if he loves me anymore. He said he dosen’t want to make love to me now because he says, "Your too fat", I have gained weight. I am diabetic and my medications have caused me to gain a lot of weight. I do work out three times a week. He gets mad if i mention finishing my degree and refuses to talk to me. I do not know what to do. I am losing my self esteem and feel unloved and unwanted.
I didn’t mention he is working in Iraq. He suggested that I get financial counceling. I asked him to speak with them also, so that we would be working on this together. I also asked him to speak on the phone with a marriage councelor and he said " I don’t need any help"."When you take care of the financial problems everything will be fine". He also told me he was only 6 lbs over weight…He is detached, and has been not interested in sex. I have ask him and get tired of being told no..8 times a year isn’t enough. Thank you all for your answers and advice. You are wonderful for taking time to answer my question.

Technorati Tags: Counceling, Diabetic, iraq, love, marriage, marriage councelor, medications, self esteem, taking time, three times, unloved, working in iraq

A few months ago my husband told me he was not in love with me anymore. I have been devastated. 2 weeks ago we have started marriage counseling, but i see no sign of improvement. The problem is that besides the counseling sessions he is completely shut down and does not want to talk about it. I bought the entire store of sexy sleepwear, but it seems like i am invisible…Sometimes it seems like i could take off my skin but he would be completely unaware of my presence. I am trying to be nice, loving and attentive but he ignores me at best. I have been feeling less and less attractive and my self-esteem does not exist. I am like a pet frog – an unsightly, unworthy and repulsive. I feel like every day goes by and this hole in my ches is just getting bigger, swallowing my being. I know he does not love me or believes he does not. What do i do? How should i behave to make him fall in love with me? I appreciate your suggestions.

Technorati Tags: ches, frog, love, marriage, marriage counseling, pet frog, presence, self esteem, sessions, sexy sleepwear

My boyfriend committed suicide on the 7th of this month. Besides all the feelings that I am feeling, I feel incredibly betrayed.
My self esteem reached to an all time low. I talked to my grief counselor, and she told me, he seemed to suffer from "borderline personality disorder" in which suicide is very common.
Anyway, long story short, how can I trust anybody again after this? Breaking up is always hard, and on top of all, there is death, how can I get over this? Will I ever be able to love again? More importantly, will I ever be able to trust anybody ever again?
I post another question. just wondering in the future, how do I spot a person with mental illness? thank you

Technorati Tags: borderline personality disorder, committed suicide, feelings, grief counselor, mental illness, self esteem