It just seems like it does so much harm to our self esteem for such a long time after the break. Or is it that we just talk about it more than the men do? Does it harm a man’s self esteem as much as it does a womans? When a partner cheats— when the break occurs because of that reason. The one being cheated on — who suffers the longest… men or women?
I’m 9 months removed from a 3 year relationship. The break up was messy and only recently have I had the urge to start dating again. My confidence and self esteem were crushed and I feel now that I’m beginning to recover. I just moved to Charleston, SC where single women are plentiful, but since I still don’t have any friends and going to the bars by myself to meet women seems creepy, I’m not sure what other avenues to take. I hate going out in public with the sole notion of picking up women, but I’m not sure what to do. Any help would be fabulous!
Everyday I ask a couple of my friends if I look okay. They say yes, you look fine, then I ask again. Then they say that I look good, then I ask are you sure? They say yes, and then I ask if they are sure again, then again and again until I walk away not feeling satisfied. I have to check myself in the mirror between every period, and some times I get out of class just to see if I look okay in the mirror. I worry some times about being a homosexual, when I know that I won’t be, but I still worry. I check my weight too much, I think. I can check it twice or three times in a row to see if my scale changes it’s answer. Some times it does. When I see that I weigh like 106 lb or something like that, I plan to starve myself the next day, but I end up not, and I’m 5’4. I look up anorexic girls and say how ugly they are, then mention how bad they look to some of my friends, and then they tell me yes, they are. But I still always tell myself that I won’t eat, but I end up doing, because I get hungry. I have a four pack, but I still worry that I might be getting fat. I’m embarrassed because to go to the bathroom, I have to walk by the councilor’s room, and I think he sees me go to the bathroom lots. I go every morning, and he sees me do that too. I wonder if he thinks second about it. I very rarely have pimples, but some times I obsess over my face and start picking when nothing is there, then I have big, ugly marks on my face. Like I said, I also ask my friend(s) numerously in class if I look ok. Is this normal? What can I do about it? My friends also know the routine. Grrrrr….
Additional Details
I’m not underweight. I look perfectly healthy, actually. But it would be a mistake to lose less. But gaining 15 pounds would not be necessary.
I also don’t know why I wouldn’t have self esteem. I’ve never been raped, or any thing of that matter. My Mom divorced twice, my biological father (when I was very young) and my step-father, last year. But I really don’t think it is because of that since I wanted her to divorce, but I’ve been under stress. A lot of people I know go through divorces, doesn’t make them right, but I think it was good. School is stressful (numerous reasons, of course), newish house, SO much stuff I can’t all list. I also used to have a downloading problem where I would download all of the songs I wanted and I would get a huge bill, and I just bought and bought and bought. It’s not healthy. I stopped that, but I don’t know why this would be.. I’ve had confidence issues FOREVER though. I hate competition. When I win, I used to run off and cry. When I stand up to talk, I get all shaky. When I have to do anything in front of a crowd, I get nervous and feel like crying. This has dated back forever. When I mess up, I take it too hard. I think I’m some what of a perfectionist. My Mom has seen me do it too. She puts me in lessons, I think I repeat the same thing, but now that I’m older it’s a little different.
Im 15 years old and have been made fun of ever since the start of middleschool. I can rember how in elementary school everyone in my grade i was friends with. all the girls and the boys. about 8th gradish when my best friend moved away my life turned to shit. i had no friends for the longet time and nvr realised til then how many ppl hate me. I was outcast. i got made fun of for being quiet and for having a high voice in like 5th and 6th grade. wtf? i dont understand y ppl are so cruel. i think about my friend everynite and just wish he would come back forever. i didnt love him in a gay way. i loved him tho like he was my family. Does anyone no how i can get over this? its been 3 years and it still upsets me thinking about this like rite now.
There are not many options for me for friends. nerds jocks preps. im none of those. im just like a loner punk in my school. i listen to my ipod everywhere to blur out every1 and ignore them. i just wnt to be left alone. i dont need alot of friends. just ways to keep my self esteem fro getting any ower. although it is the lowest it van possibly be
no one understands how hard it is to move on. i hung out with him everyday and we were best friends. it was devastating to me when he moved. i feel like im in a dream or its all just a joke and i cant wake up.
id rather keep my head down so people wont know its me and wont make fun of me.
when my friend left he took a part of me with him. so u can imagine how i feel. im not afraid to admit it but the day he moved for the next 3 days i cried and im a man. i loved my friend like a brother so i cant move on
I’m going to give a little background first and this is going to jump around a little, please try to follow, and sorry for the length of this:
For about 6 months I had a huge crush on someone i saw often (Person A). We are entering the same line of work and therefore are in similar social circles and often see each other at training. I never had the highest self esteem, so it was always easy for me to make an excuse as to why I wasn’t going to ask Person A out. One night I met someone else (Person B) and we hit it off. I liked Person B and we started seeing each other, but I still had a huge thing for Person A. After seeing this person for about two weeks I got some self confidence and didn’t want to lose my chance with Person A because I would be involved with Person B, I decided to ask Person A out on a date. We had a great time, laughing and non-stop conversation the entire time. We went out a second time where at the end of the date Person A made a comment about going out again – what i took as a sign that Person A enjoyed spending time with me. Work became very busy for both of us, and we were unable to see each other outside of a work setting for a few weeks, and lost some momentum. Recently, Person A has been "busy" whenever I attempt to make plans together, however Person A seems to be able to chum it up very well with what I can only imagine to be competition. I know that Person A and my rival had nothing between the two of them before Person A and myself went out for the first time, but now all signs point to something going on. I know i sound neurotic, but I am very level headed and have honed skill on being able to read people.
I guess my question is this: I still like Person A, but realize that me liking someone is not enough and romance is a two way road. I know I can’t make Person A like me, so I decided to back off and no longer ask Person A on any sort of date, but I am still surrounded by Person A almost daily. How can I see Person A knowing that I want to be with this person but I cannot. I feel like it is like keeping a snake in a cage next to a mouse. Staring at something you want all day long, but cannot get.
I am still seeing Person B, but it is not serious and Person A is my first choice if I had to choose one. Person B is in a totally different ballpark, and is someone I see MUCH less often due to long distance and work schedules. So please do not suggest focusing my time on Person B and eventually the loss of Person A won’t feel as bad, etc. To rephrase, my concern is interacting with Person A and not having to worry about the sting of ‘what could have been’
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