im just going to do this in a factual time line type format so it might be a little boring but maybe it will keep me from rambling
decemberish 2008 Broke up with my ex girlfriend
april 2009 met and began dating my current girlfriend
april or may 2009 told current girlfriend i was no longer talking to ex
september 2009 ex girlfriend found out about current girlfriend
september 2009 i sent ex girlfriend a message telling her i was sorry and i didn’t want to lose her(my big mistake is i wrote this message very fast to make ex feel better and it ended up sounding more like a love letter than an I want to be friends letter. It was about 5 sentences long.)
september 2009 ex forwarded my letter to my current girlfriend(at this point i confess that i have been talking to her and i had been lying about it)
october through december 2009 fighting constantly usually turns violent.(I never hit her)
jan-feb 2010 fighting goes back and forth sometimes we have a really good time together but more often than not we are fighting
end of feb to beginning of march things level out but get really bad at times
basically things are slowly getting better but as soon as things start to look okay they get worse than before. The main problem is she no longer trust or respects me(which I know i dont deserve and i have to earn) and she is embarrassed by me and sometimes i dont think she likes me anymore. She cant even really look me in the eyes anymore. I know i have to deal with the abuse because she is still hurting so bad because all she thinks about is how bad i hurt her. I know i can handle it Im just scared its never going to better no matter how hard I try. She has told me Im doing a really good job and she just needs time. We almost took a break sometime in february when we were fighting really bad and she told me she had a crush on one of her guy friends and found him very attractive. I stayed very calm through this whole situation and the break was her idea but she ended up begging me to not take the break and said she wanted to keep trying. I dont know what to do. Neither of us can let go but we both hate the current situation. We talk about wanting to get married but i wonder if its just us trying to hang on to something thats gone. And I know this is all my fault and im a scumbag idiot. No need to tell me.
