The whole PROBLEM is based on saying words that hurt one another…….That is it. As simple as it sounds it is tearing us apart. Instead of forgiving and forgetting we always bring up how much we are hurt……We will never get passed this this way. We have 2 children. Ages 1 and 4. This is not fair to them. Or to us. What can we do to save the marriage. We enetered into this thinking we were soulmates. What has happened?
My fiance (who I’ll call P) and I have been together for over a year (he only recently popped the question, and don’t plan to get married for another year or so when we graduate from graduate school).
Anyways, I found a box under the bookshelf in the living room today that contained old letters and A HUNDRED photos of him & his ex-girlfriend (who I’ll call X), who he dated 12 years ago for 4 years (and KEPT IN TOUCH WITH until he met me).
This is how the two of them met: X had a boyfriend, but cheated on him to begin dating my fiance, beginning a 4-year-long relationship that consisted of her telling my fiance that they were soulmates (and belonged together for life), but cheated on him with that other guy (and many other guys) for those 4 years.
The fourth year that X and P dated, X found some guy that she was planning on marrying, but she told P, "if you say youll marry me, I won’t marry this guy." By that time, my fiance P wasn’t sure if he could trust her so he said no. She went off and married the guy, had kids, and till this day still e-mailed him about how they were soulmates and belonged together.
My bf has a very good heart and always sees the good in people. I don’t care if he keeps in touch with his other exes but I can tell that this woman is still manipulating him (pretending to be a nice and "changed," and telling him she hopes hes in a happy relationship.
Anyways, I have been trying to tell my fiance that just because she didn’t PHYSICALLY abusive to him doesn’t mean she wasn’t abusive. She made him lose faith in love until he met me. I asked him, "if I was in a 4 year relationship where the man beat me every day but told me we were soulmates and that he loved me, I would also lose faith in love. But if I met you and felt safe again, WOULDN’T YOU BE BOTHERED if I still kept photos of this guy, letters he wrote me, and kept talking to him (even though he was still telling me we were soulmates)?
My fiance said, "you have to believe in forgiveness," and I replied, "some people don’t deserve forgiveness. If I cheated on you and abused you for so long, I DON’T DESERVE to have you in my life anymore."
Okay, story over :/.
What can I do/say to make him see this? What can I do to make him throw out the photos/letters?
Even if he does it, will it CHANGE the way he feels?
If I leave him, will he realize he needs to change then?
