My nephews 20 year old father committed suicide just 5 hours ago. He felt so alone and hopeless that he hung himself in his aunts basement. Now i didn’t hate him but because of some words we had had between us i had said and done some mean things to him since than, such as making him sit outside to visit his son because i was angry with him and didn’t want him in my house, or making him feel unwelcome when i did let him stay with me because he had no place else to stay. But i did still care about him i was just angry and this was my petty way of showing it i guess.This was awhile back and me and him haven’t even spoken since last christmas where we were very civil to each other because i was over being angry by than. However now the guilt is overriding me i have cried so much my face is raw because he has had such a hard life he really did as a child he was abused, molested, bounced through foster home to foster home. And as an adult he has struggled with drugs, trouble, and mental illness, i just keep seeing him and imagining how alone he must have felt, and i feel i am one of the reasons he felt so unwanted and unloved in this world that he didn’t want to live in it anymore. I know that isn’t realistic with all the other stuff he has had happen to him but i just want to take it all back and tell him how sorry i am and that he is cared about and its too late and its killing me.He was only 20 years old and he felt so unwanted and hopeless that he endured the suffering of hanging for 45 minutes before he was found, i cant get that image out of my head it will haunt me forever. How do i at least let go of enough of the guilt that i can move on enough to cope? I am a single mom of four kids and i have really not been all that much good to them since i heard the news cuz i cant stop crying for more than 5 minutes at a time. I think i have post partum on top of this and i’m just a real mess right now as you can probably tell. I wish i could just go back 5 hours and call him and tell him he’s not alone, i know what it feels like to feel all alone and i wish i hadn’t let him feel that way
Jessi thank you we did try so much to help him when he first entered our family but it seemed like he always fell back down. I guess he had just been damaged too much by the time he got to us. There were some pretty bad things done that led me to act the way i did to him but now that he’s gone it just feels insignificant and petty and although i know the few things i did that happened almost 2 years ago were probably the last thing on his mind as i said im a single mom of 4 so i know what its like to feel so alone and hopeless and i just wish i hadn’t done anything to make him feel that way if i did. i wish i could apologize and tell him he was still loved and cared for regardless of what he had done wrong. It probably wouldn’t have changed the outcome with everything he has been through but it would have eased my soul a little. The guilt is a big burden an i will never let my babies go to bed without telling them how much i love ever again. thank you for your kind words and prayers
Josh wherever you are i hope you are no longer hurting and are finally at peace like you could never be here on earth. Forgive me if i ever did or said anything to make you feel unloved or unwanted because you were loved and wanted and you will be missed more than you would have believed. I wish someone would have helped you when you were little before you had to go through what you did than maybe things would have been different and my nephew would still have his daddy. I miss you i hope your suffering has ended finally, i’m so sorry we couldn’t give you whatever it was you needed 
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Women only: Please take my quiz. No names, just your age and your country of origin. I am writing a book.
1. On a scale from 1-10, rate how much you want to have a husband, now or in the future, where 1 means you don’t want a husband and 10 means you would do almost anything to get a husband.
2. On a scale from 1-10, rate how badly you would feel if you never got married, where 1 means you would be fine with no husband and 10 means no husband would ruin your life.
3. Do you sometimes wear sexy but uncomfortable shoes or clothing?
4. Have you had any kind of cosmetic surgery?
5. Have you dieted too much?
6. Have you had sex when you didn’t want to?
7. Have you had an abortion? How many?
8. Does your man ever verbally humiliate you?
9. Does your man ever strike you in anger?
10. Has your man ever cheated on you? Did you take him back?
11. Has your man ever sexually or physically abused your children or grandchildren? Did you stay with him?
Thanks so much.
Thank you so much for your answers. You’re very kind to take the time and give it the thought that you did. Although I tried to make the questions morally neutral, I seem to have caused some animosity. Just to clarify, I am a rabid feminist and I hate the suffering and abuse of women and children at the hands of their intimate partners. I hate it. The numbers are staggering worldwide and it has been so throughout recorded history.
It appears from your answers that you are among the majority of women who are not hell bent to have a man. But, to some women, any man is better than none. Those women and their children are at risk for abuse.
Again, thank you for your time and consideration. I will take your advice and post this on a different board.
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I’m a 26 year old woman and recently found out my husband is in love with another woman after months of suspicion, had it confirmed a week ago when I heard him talking to her on phone. He left me after telling me he no longer loved me, hasn’t done for months and wasn’t interested in saving our marriage. He has been ignoring me since he left, wont answer my calls etc.I dont know where he is or what he’s thinking.
He has loved and adored me and vice versa for 5 years and I never ever doubted his love for me. This is the most earth shattering thing that has ever happened and I cannot survive it. I cannot exist without him loving me.
Totally devastated and suffering fits of crying, panic attacks and torturing myself by reminiscing, looking at wedding photos etc. I just need him so much and he’s gone. Its like a nightmare I can’t wake up from.
I haven’t slept properly since it happened, keep falling asleep for about 30 minutes at a time, then waking up and crying, falling asleep again etc.
The mornings are the absolute worst worst. I seem to feel calmer in the evenings, then once I wake up it starts all over.
I have decided to end my life as I cannot carry on existing like this anymore, and I know for certain the future will never get better. I am an emotional person and I will carry this with me forever, time will NOT heal me despite what people say, so i don’t want to live a painful life. I would rather just fall asleep and never wake up then deal with this agony every day.
What I want to know is this; is overdosing the best way? It may seem like a strange question but I don’t want to do it and then wake up brain damaged in hospital etc…I will make sure I take PLENTY of pills, enough to kill me but is it guaranteed?
I will write letters to my loved ones, and will ensure that they don’t find me dead in my bed. I will put a piece of paper on my front door saying don’t go upstairs, call 999 instead so they don’t have the shock of finding me.
It may be incredibly selfish of me but I honestly cannot go on. I just can’t.
Please don’t anyone try to talk me out of this I have made up my mind. I want the pain to end and this is the only way.
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