I’d love to know others’ opinions on this. I’ve never been one to break up, get back together, break up again, ad nauseum. It’s ok for some couples, I’m just not a fan. And, this may sound a little harsh, but I don’t even give exes a second chance. Some don’t agree, but the resoning behind it is:
- you broke up for a reason. Probably, that reason hasn’t changed yet, or ever will.
- you send a message that if there’s ever a ‘big’ problem, instead of being a stand-up guy and dealing with it, it’s ok to break up and run away from it, since you know you can just go back later.
- Probably, when the 2 of you broke up, you went through a lot of pain. I would imagine breaking up a second time (which is likely, since it didn’t work the first time around) would be just as painful, if not more, so why put yourself through it again?
-When it comes time that you have a new significant other, you are minus baggage (at least that baggage). If you think about it, it’s a nice ‘gift’ to the new person you get with so they don’t have to deal with the old trash that was never taken out.
A lot of my friends don’t agree with my decision. Also because, not only do I have these beliefs, but I usually break off all communication when I break up with someone. It’s not to be mean or malicious at all. As a matter of fact I would love nothing more than to be one of those girls that could just be great buddies with her ex. But I’m not one of those girls. It’s a little painful (yes, I can be overly-sensitive). If we have to talk for whatever reason, it’s always cordial, I’m usually polite and usually get the same in return, but if we don’t have to be in touch, I don’t want to be. I don’t want to hear when he starts dating, falls in love, etc., and vice versa, I’d be uncomfortable telling him things like that. Even the occasional phone call or email just to say hello are hard for me, because of course your feelings for that person don’t just turn off when you break up, and for me, hearing their voice is sad for me. I’ve always preferred a clean break and I think that helps to heal a broken heart much faster.
This is DEFINITELY not a hard-and-fast rule, believe it or not. Of course there would have to be special circumstances, and it’s hard for me to resist a persistent man (it shows bravery, quite attractive).
I’d love to hear any agreements/disagreement discussions from those who have an opinion.
Now, about a year ago, I met a man that I fell in love with almost immediately. He was absolutely perfect for me in just about every way (of course he had his flaws, and so did I). He was like a male version of me in ways like sense of humor, feelings and beliefs, trains of thought, etc. We could literally look at one another and know what the other was thinking, and communicate through facial expressions. Or, sometimes, one of us might have a completely random thought, share it with the other, only to find out that the other was thinking the same thing! I absolutely loved spending time with him, he made me laugh, we were compatible in just about every way (of course we had our arguments just like every other relationship). If I believed in soul mates, he was mine, but I was sure he was the love of my life, no doubt. We were engaged within months. I don’t think he had experienced love like I had for him, not only did he tell me horrible things about his leeches, I mean exes, but he didn’t get how I could treat him so well (probably from past girls), but I was happy to be the one there when he needed someone.
I found out early on he was in touch w/ his ex but had no feelings for her. Even if he didn’t, I let him know that it made me uncomfortable. As it turned out, this girl is a human stain, a total leech. I couldn’t even believe half the things he said about her until they were confirmed. Plus, she was awful to him. I wondered why they remained friends. Being forgiving or not, she remained "feeding" off of him for a while – not someone anyone would want to keep around as a friend. I left it up to him, he finally came to me and said that after thinking about all she did in their relationship, he realized what a horrible person she was, and he didn’t want anything to do with her again.
I recently had to break it off with him. Guess who was the happiest that he wasn’t being "kept from talking to her anymore"? I was so disappointed in him. Not only that, but I found out that a few months before I broke it off with him, he became Facebook friends with a girl he used to be in love with. I was so hurt.
Now, I feel stupid, as though I was in la-la-land. Yes, he was as happy as I was, he just didn’t have the same beliefs as I did as far as keeping in touch, etc. He definitely was not a cheater and was a good man in many ways.
I realize this is long but it’s actually quite therapeutic to get it all out, especially since I’ve never talked about it before.
I’d really like to know anyone else’s feelings o
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" then he said "what are you gonna do about it? 
