So this past year has been very rocky for my husband and I. I was at my husbands military christmas party and one of his lady co-workers seemed to be acting very strange. I felt funny about it. When we drove home I asked my husband about it. I also asked him how he felt about her. He casually said, "he was close to her, No really close to her". I about dropped my jaw at him saying that so openly. I talked to him about it and asked him what he meant and he said, "we’re just friends close friends from being in the same platoon together for so many years." I still didn’t feel very good about it, So I got snoopy. (No Im not proud of it) But glad I did. I found in his e-mail that he left open on accident that he was e-mailing her and asking to have lunch with her at drill weekends. He was e-mailing her regularly. The e-mail did just seem friendly – not sexual or anything, but he would say maybe we can have lunch this weekend. Then I found he was also signed up for a Adult web site. Which REALLY HURT. I have always loved my husband and been faithful to him so this was a blow to me. Because I had already forgave him for cheating on me when we lived over seas in Italy. He went to school (in the military) and on his off time he would go to a bar and drink with another Navy guy and was sitting with two ladies which over the five weeks turned into dancing and kissing. I was so hurt the first time because I was pregnant at the time and far from all my family. Took a long time to get over but he promised it would NEVER EVER happen again. So to get back to the recent…..I am having a hard time dealing with all of this again. He swearer’s he did nothing with the lady from the military other than a dinner and talking at lunch and swearer’s most of the time other people from the platoon was there.
But then I found out he was flirting with ladies on Myspace, man things just kept getting worse. I was going crazy. I even found a saved phone number from an old girlfriend. He said they messaged each other on classmates and then later looked her number up and saved it in his work phone, but that he never used it. How do I trust him. He has given all his codes to me and swearer’s I am his only one. But I know Cheaters will lie till they go to their GRAVE. So I am always on my toes. We have been to counseling a few times, it did help, But I am still having a hard time…..He promised me the first time he cheated he would never be with a lady alone again, but then he went to dinner with her and lied to me about it, He says, He lied to me because he knew i’d be mad and there was nothing to the dinner, but friendship.
He gets very mad at me when I bring up his past, or when i tell him I don’t trust him. He just doesn’t get what he has destroyed. We are very very close as a couple, (I know that sounds weird) But we are always holding hands, kissing and everyone tells us how cute we are as a couple and wish they could find a relationship like that. Yes our sex life is GREAT also. At least everyday and usually more than that. Yes we have four kids. Yes we have to be creative. We have been married 19 1/2 years now. But I just don’t know what to think. Does he really love me, Why do men flirt with women "IF THEY LOVE THERE WIFE’S SO MUCH" I JUST DON’T KNOW IF I CAN EVER TRUST HIM AGAIN. I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART. But I feel like things will never be the same again. We have a week or two that goes great and then all my frustrations come back from a flash back. How does one EVER REALLY know if someone is Truly sorry????????? I wish I could really know if he love’s me. I cry often, but he doesn’t know it. I cry because I miss (the KNOWING my husband LOVED ME) It’s a feeling I wish I could get back.
I haven’t told anyone about all this (except the counselor) and I have to always acted like my marriage is great to our family etc. I don’t want everyone to know what he has done. One its embarrassing for me and I don’t want anyone to think badly of him. I know that’s sounds stupid. But You gotta understand I LOVE HIM and I don’t want him hurt in anyway. We have enough pain between us dealing with it than to involve others. Also another reason is our son went though Cancer for a year and We’ve had enough pain, so involving others just would add to it. This is way I am sharing it here. I need to get it out. I know he doesn’t want to loose "US" when I mentioned leaving him he feel apart crying begging me not to leave. He is constantly tell me that he love’s me and never has Cheated since Italy with the Kiss. He tells me he didn’t realize the things he was doing recently was going to hurt me or that I would call it cheating. But I am so confused & not sure if I can trust him. Guys what are some signs that a guy is really sorry. HELP!!!!!!!
