The Traiborn Trilogy

RuneScape 1, Demon Slayer

One day a wizard by the name of Traiborn was walking by the goldsmith’s home, when 5 goblins came and furiously swept thier iron blades at him.
Trainborn used a water spell and destroyed them. Traiborn went into the goldsmith’s home.
"Hello, can I please buy a sword here?" Traiborn asked. "No you cant stupid old guy," he said, "This is a goldsmith not a blacksmith moron.” "Up yours!"
Traiborn went out and p00ned some goblins, and then tryed to own a unicorn . The unicorn stuck it’s horn through the poor old man and he fell dead.

RuneScape 1, part 2

Traiborn woke up and found himslef in a bed with nicely sewn quitls spreaded on it.
Trainborn also saw a large man eating chicken like a pig. "Hello, where am I?"
The large man never heard him. "Hello, Where am I?" he asked loudly.
The large man heard him this time. "Oh hello there, I am goiing deaf sorry.”
My name is Lathus of Varrock, I am king of all druids and potion-makers."
Trainborn got out of bed. Duke Lathus lead Traiborn to the dining room, and sat him next to his nice, sturdy chair of mahogany wood. "So, I found you on the side of the road in a ditch." Lathus said. Traiborn completely forgot about his bad experience with the unicorn.
He looked at his stomach and the wound was gone. "Oh yes, I healed you. I do have some knowledge of magic." Trainborn walked outside and looksed at the caslte. It was very big.
Lathus walked out. " Hello, I wanted you to have this." He handed Traiborn a nice long silvery sword made of gnome crystal. "It is called Silverlight."

RuneScape 1, part 3,

The sword was beautiful . IT had cracks along the sides with the blade splitting into three about three inches fro the hilt. “Wow, why do I need this?” Traiborn asked Lathus.
Lathus told Traiborn a long story about a demon that was summoned by a group of evil sorcerers and almost destroyed the city of Varrock. Lathus sent Traiborn to a gypsy in the town square. Before that he told Traiborn that the dark sorcerers were up to no good again and they were trying to summon Delrith, a powerful and dark demon.
Traiborn went into the gypsy’s tent. It had some wind charms and weird future telling objects in there.
“Hello, I was sent here by Duke Lathus of Varrock palace.”
The gypsy looked at him. “Oh hello, why don’t you sit down here.” The duke told me about you.” she said. The gypsy screamed a weird incantation of a spell in a different language. It seemed like a fake sentence she was making up. After she was done she started talking to Traiborn.
“Well it seems you have to do a bit of demon slaying.”
Traiborn was astonished as his breath was tooken away.
“Me! Why me! Why do I need to destroy a powerful demon?”
“Because you were the one made to do it.”
Traiborn walked out of the gypsy’s tent.

RuneScape 1,part 4

Traiborn had seen the dark sorcerer circle right outside the city of Varrock. He knew he needed to slay that demon, but he needed some training up to do.
Traiborn walked to his home in Edgeville. When he walked inside he sat down and put some green tea on a kettle over a fire.
After that he went into the parlour. Traiborn tried to do a lot of sit ups. He became very tired after a few. He decided to train his magic skills.
Traiborn went outside to his back yard to train on his wheelbarrow. “Medullus Kalbonnius!” A large black beam shot out of his hand onto the wheelbarrow and it disappeared into thin air. “Wow! I can easily use this to defeat the demon now!”

RuneScape 1, part 5

Traiborn was ready to fight Delrith. He had Silverlight in his sword case, and his spell memorized. Traiborn put on his robes and walked to the dark sorcerer’s circle.
Traiborn saw Delrith. It was a freshly summoned demon, that was good. So far Traiborn saw one weakness already.
Delrith and Traiborn looked eye to eye. Traiborn saw evil and fury with flames in his eyes. He knew this would be a tough fight.
Traiborn put his palm pointed at Delrith’s chest and smiled.
“Medullus Kalbonnius!” Once again, a black beam shot right out of his hand, this time it was much more powerful. Amazingly, the beam absorbed right into Delrith’s chest.
Delrith swiped his claw at Traiborn and knocked him back.
Traiborn quicly crawled behind the stone circle.
This time, Delrith raised his hand and shot a purple beam at the stone circle. Rocks flew everywhere. One hit Traiborn right in the stomach. It hurt badly. Traiborn got up. This time he wasn’t going to take any crap from Delrith. Traiborn raised his palms once more and furiously shot out beams of energy. Nothing happened, all the beams absorbed into Delrith’s chest again.
Delrith stabbed his claw through Traiborn’s upper arm.
The pain was horrible, he couldn’t stand it. This is when I die, he thought. Delrith picked him up with his claw. Traiborn slowly reached for Silverlight. He grabbed the nice crystal hilt, took it out and stabbed it through Delrith’s chest. It seemed to have no effect, until this.
Traiborn screamed. “Hunoskaloosa Benunivitch!”
A small ball of white energy formed at the tip of the sword and exploded through Delrith. The pain was outstanding, Traiborn thought no heeling charm in world the could cure it.
He fell to the ground, being shielded behind a big boulder. He saw Delrith screaming as his voice was getting smaller. Delrith was being forced into a small white portal in the air. After the demon’s head got through the portal it closed.
Traiborn had saved the city of Varrock from destruction.


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Though i bet most of you have already seen this, i wish to post it anyway for lawls, tell me what you think

* POWER METAL
The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest.

* THRASH METAL
The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princess and fucks her.

* HEAVY METAL
The protagonist arrives on a Harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few
beers and fucks the princess.

* FOLK METAL
The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls asleep (because of all the dancing). Then they all leave…….. without the princess.

* VIKING METAL
The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving.

* DEATH METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves.

* BLACK METAL
The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomizes the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon.

* GORE METAL
The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time.

* GRIND METAL
The protagonist arrives, screams something completely undecipherable for about 2 minutes and then leaves…

* DOOM METAL
The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. Thats the end of the sad story.

* GOTHIC METAL
The princess in a velvet costume starts singing soprano. The protagonist completes the duet by adding the beast part, while the dragon plays the flute. Suddenly he swallows up the pipe and accidently scorches the beauty and the beast and suffocates to death. All their souls are damned in hell’s eternity.

* PROGRESSIVE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess’ bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the HEAVY METAL protagonist.

* INDUSTRIAL METAL
The protagonist arrives wearing greasy overcoat, makes obscene gestures towards dragon, and gets escorted out of fairy tale land by security guards.

* SPEED METAL
Suddenly there, short solo, dragon is confused, someone’s screaming weird stuff, princess realizes she’s been deflowered, dragon and princess are still looking for the one who did this.

* CHRISTIAN METAL
The protagonist rides in on his way home from church and sings a mushy power ballad to the dragon about how much Jesus loves him and that the dragon should turn to Him. The Dragon is immediately converted, and when the princess wants to thank the protagonist he replies, "Sorry, but I don’t believe in having sex before marriage."

* GLAM METAL
The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy’s appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess’ make up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink colour.

* BATTLE METAL
The protagonist arrives with a legion of a hundred brave footmen, war chariots and a dozen elite warriors and, as a master tactician, flanks the dragon in a bloody siege that lasts six hours. The princess gets bored.

* NU METAL
The protagonist arrives in a run down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire.

* EMO
The protagonist sees the dragon and moans about how hard it will be to get the princess to fall in love with him. He gets eaten. The princess is very happy, because he was a whiny dork anyway.

* GRUNGE
The protagonist doesn’t get eaten by the dragon because he stinks too much from not washing his hair in months. The princess won’t go near him either, and he ends up dying on the town hall steps with the other grungers due to the over consumption of white cider.

* POP-PUNK
The dragon can’t eat the protagonist because he can’t catch him because he keeps bouncing up and down. The princess won’t fuck him either, because he likes ska.
Avucular, what does that have to do with anything, and yes this has been around a while so you may have seen it already


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