I have not been diagnosed yet or anything but the descriptions of this disorder fit me almost exactly. Especially feeling abandoned & unloved to an overwhelming degree because of minor things. I got it in my head that my husband didnt love me therefore I should not love him. So I treated him like dirt even though I still loved him to death. I made him so miserable that he left me & he says he needs time to think things through to decide if he will come back. I’m trying to get counseling but its not easy where I live. I guess I just need to know if I should even hold on to any hope that I can get treatment and save my marriage. My husband is a wonderful man who does not deserve the way I have treated him & what he has had to put up with from me.
In my last relationship my ex talked me into swinging. When I got pregnant he left me. I was devastated. I found a wonderful man now. We’re married. Our relationship is very loving and we’re monogamous. Lately he wanted to DP me with a toy when we’re having sex. It brought back painful memories of my last relationship. How do it tell him I’m not into it without sounding like a selfish prude wife ?
We both have 3 kids each. We have had a very strong, intense and fun year long relationship. We have a lot in common. He is a wonderful man.We have both broached the topic of combining our families. But, the logistics has been daunting. It is causing him anixities. He has 2 smaller children. As a result he has fear of being abandoned by me – I have older children and I am not as tied down as he is.
About a week ago his attitude and behavoir changed and he said he needs time and space to think about this relationship and what he really wants. I have held back some of my emotions as well, because I was not sure about settling down with 2 smaller children.
But over the past week, I have realized I have stronger feelings for him and would be willing to do what it takes to combine our family. How do I address his anxities without being overbearing and get back what we had.
K brief story. I’ve been married many times (1 alcoholic, 2 cheaters). I was only really in love with my last husband who cheated on me many times. He made our lives a nightmare, the kids couldn’t make a sound while he was home, we had to live by his rules and there was no room for error. But I hung in there until he left. I even asked him to come home, how humiliating. Well I finally moved on with my life but a part of me died. The ability to truly be in love is gone and I don’t want it back. I miss it and am very sad about not having that being a part of my life ever again. But I never want to be hurt that bad again so I will not allow myself to fall in love again, ever. Now having said that, I remarried a wonderful man. But I am not in love with him, and it is getting harder to pretend that I do. I refuse to divorce. So any suggestions are welcome.
I think I did not explain enough. My husband knows how I feel, and I treat him like a king. I do care for him and take very good care of him. We are like a couple who has been married for 20 yrs. I was talking about the "your heart skips a beat every time you see them kind of love" I miss that. But then I am afraid to surrender to it also. And to inform the negative people that chimed in, first I am not a golddigger. I have always worked and never taken a dime from any of my husbands. Next, it is not my fault that my husbands cheated. How can you blame someone for somebody cheating on them? Now I knew that my first husband drank but I had no idea how much until after we were married. My second husband is weak, he will do anything anyone tells him to especially women, so when they began their "relations" it was because they pursued him and he just went along with it. My third husband, I knew was a cheater but I thought he was a christian and had changed.
I do not jump into marriage lightly. I dated each one of my husbands at least 2 yrs before marriage. I did not live with my husbands before marriage so I could not be aware of their "habits" until we started living together. Now my 3rd husband had everyone fooled, coworkers, church friends, etc. Then one day he just never came home, did a 180 degree turn on everyone. We were all in shock. I was married almost 10 yrs (each) to my 2nd & 3rd husbands. My first was less than 3 because I gave him a choice me or the booze, he choose the booze. And to answer why I got married again is simple, my husband while not perfect, is the kindest, most loving person I’ve ever met. If I let him get away I would never find anyone else like him. I am very blessed to have him as my husband.
I’ve been divorced for about 5 years and we have a son together. Anyway I moved on a year after the divorce and got into a relationship with a wonderful man. We had a baby boy in 2005 and we were happy in love….Until 2007 he passed away. Ever since he left us and went to heaven I’ve been healing and raising our son as best as I can myself. My ex-husband and I have always gotten along and our 7yo lives with him. He is not in a relationship and devotes all his time and effort to our son. Yes he’s a great daddy!!! He’s invited me every now and then to stay the weekend at his house so the boys could be together and of course I stay in my son’s room with the boys and my ex-husband stays in his own room so it won’t be weird. But lately I’ve been realizing how much different he has changed for the good…and how much more care he shows people and me really impresses me…like he grew up into a wonderful man. I mean we were in our early 20’s when we were married so I’m sure we both did some growing up.
Anyway…. I’m staring to care for him again. Kind of like when we first met. Like a little crush…I know he has always had that piece of my life and heart but I’m not sure if I should turn away from the feeling or let it be and hope he feels the same. IDK…He may not even like me that way anymore and I’m just going to get hurt if I see him fall for another woman.
Our son..lol…bless his little heart…tries to play match maker telling me his dad still loves me but he always says just kidding while giggling and tells me I wish you and daddy where married again.
I really don’t know what to do with my feelings…to be honest I don’t want to tell him because he may feel the total opposite and I’d be hurt if he told me that straight to my face.
What shall I do?…Should I just back off and give it time???
Do you think we could ever love each other again???
OMG…sorry about the words that I accidentally spelled wrong….I know it probably sounds childish so understand the best you can plz!!! :O)
To answer some of Peter’s Q….We divorced because we were to proud of ourselves thinking we each were right at everything and never gave each other a chance to give in and understand each other. Like I said we were young and stupid to let one another go just like that….and our son stays with his dad because he want’s to and I believe our son has every right to be with his dad. I raised him from a baby until he asked "mommy can I live with dad because I miss him" and I always want my boys to be happy so his dad and I agreed he could live with him. He’s daddy boy and the only grandchild on his dads side so you could imagine how much attention he gets from his dads family.
When the wife is sick, the husband "caregiver" begins to need an outlet so he finds a willing partner, but you, the "willing partner" discover that you are just an FB or FWB and nothing more. Because you love him, the one thing you want to do is make him remember he truly loves his wife and needs to fall back in love again even though she is ill, may not recover, and needs him more than ever. As the lover or "other woman," I have realized that this is ultimately important to make him realize he may regret this time if he doesn’t devote himself to her, and her alone. I have tried to suggest how beautiful and caring she is and deserves all his love. I truly think he has forgotten the reasons he loves her and should be loyal to him, even though we are intimate. I am trying not to be hurt by this, as I am a realist, even though I have discovered a very special and wonderful man, I know it is not right, and want to do the "right" thing. That’s all. Help me help him return to her.
