Why do people insist I have low self esteem and don't have any self respect?
Why do people insist that I have low self esteem and that something must be wrong with me? I admit I’ve made some mistakes, and that maybe I’m a little slutty. I’ve done things other girls wouldn’t do, and maybe that makes me stupid too. But I admit it, and I’m honest.
I broke up with my ex-bf even though I still love him because I finally figured out he wasn’t good for me and was using me after I stupidly agreed to a gangbang. I thought it would make him love me more, but he just got meaner. He says he cares but I couldn’t take it anymore and broke up with him even though it hurts and maybe that makes me a bad person too. I tried dating a lot of different guys after that, but I always seem to attract guys just like him, and it just made my slutty reputation worse. Add that I can’t have kids of my own and I know that no decent guy will ever want me. It’s not low self esteem, it’s just honesty. I’m the kind of girl guys will only ever see as someone to have fun with.
I know I’m broken and I’m trying to accept who and what I am and what my life has become. Why do people insist I have no self respect? What do they want, me to say cheer about my stupid mistakes? To be proud and smile that everyday someone calls me a whore, a slut or worthless?
It hurt when people called me those names back when I was in highschool and it wasn’t true. Somehow now that it is, it hurts more. I’m trying to be good, and I’m trying to embrace who I am, but people insisting I’m broken inside and hate myself just makes it even harder to like who I am. Why can’t people see that?
I posted this earlier in the wrong forum. I hope this is where it’s supposed to go.
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Tagged with: Bad Person • bf • Cheer • decent guy • gangbang • girls • honesty • kind of girl • low self esteem • Reputation • self respect • slut • slutty • smile • stupid mistakes • whore
Filed under: Ways To Get An Ex Back
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That’s a hard question to answer. I know it sounds like an attack when people say you have low self-esteem or don’t respect yourself, but I think that they are just trying to help you. I’m sorry, but you really don’t seem like you think you are worth much and don’t deserve to be anything more than a play thing to men. You said that yourself in what you wrote.
I can relate. I went through a phase after my divorce where I didn’t understand why no man had ever loved me enough to treat me right. I thought there was something wrong with me. I tried to find someone but gave myself away too quickly to men, thinking that I would never find love anyway but that I might as well have fun. Well there WAS something wrong with me and that was that I didn’t realize that the fact that I thought sex was fun and I wanted to have it is irrelevant- I deserve to have not just great sex, but also someone to be there for me and love me and to be close to me. I deserve the whole thing- a partner, not just a "friend with benefits" or a person to have commitment free sex with. I want more and I deserve more.
But men will always see a woman as unworthy (even if the woman is HIGHLY valuable and wonderful) if she gives herself away too easily. There’s a reason they use terms like "easy" and "cheap"- it’s because they didn’t need to put much effort in to get a payout. It’s like you saying that you’re not worth much, so they don’t have to do much for you. On the other hand, if you expect a man to treat you right and be good to you and "earn" having sex with you (through making him wait -but not being a tease in the meantime either- until you have seen that he’s going to stick around and be good to you) then he will see that you regard yourself highly and must be a great prize to have. So he’ll adore you for that.
That being said, I think that you probably are going to have to take some serious time alone to think about this if you want to feel better, because it seems to be a huge thing in your life right now that you need to work through if you want to be happy. One big part of it is realizing that you DON’T respect yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but realizing all your pain and fears and then fully accepting that as a part of you is really the only way to heal. A line from a great book says "When you know you are not at peace, your knowing creates a still space that surrounds your nonpeace in a loving and tender embrace and then transmutes your nonpeace into peace." So admitting you feel terrible and unworthy and slutty and not judging yourself for feeling that way is the first step to peace.
And when you find peace, although it may take a long time, then your life will be so much better! I’m only now getting close to it, and I’m 34! I’ve used sex (done some pretty nasty things too), alcohol, drugs, food, and all kinds of things to avoid feeling my feelings, and nothing works but facing them head-on and accepting them. I really hope this is helping you….Your question really moved me because I have had so many of the same issues. But one more thing- your not being able to have kids does NOT mean that no man would want you! I’ve known people who couldn’t have kids and they still found loving relationships. There are probably MANY amazing things about you that someday the right man is going to appreciate and love and adore about you. And that day WILL come, when you are ready and when the time is right. There is a reason for everything to happen when it does, and maybe right now you just need to focus on you.
Please. please e-mail me if you want to talk. I would be happy to give you my number if you need it. Oh, and the book is called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It’s really good and can really help you, and it’s not douche-like at all, I promise.
tell people to fu** off and mind their own business. Who cares about being a slut. Do what you want, don’t worry about consequences, don’t worry about what people tell you, when they say something just say, im a slut because i don’t care what you think. Who tells you these things? it sounds pretty harsh. If someone told me that I’d be angry.
and tell them they have no right to speak to you cause they are worthless trash in your eyes. any one rude and mean enouph to tell you such harsh things don’t deserve an ear to hear their nasty rotten tongue.
you problem:
you care too much about what other people think
that’s why you gangbanged
that’s why you have lowselfesteem
that’s why you feel bad about what others think
once you learn that ignoring and not caring is way to success you’l start to feel happier about being you.
you should know that I feel like im pretty, Im nice, i have a pretty good job and im good in school. Yet people still want to treat me badly and pick at my weaknesses. I never went out with anyone from school. You should know that when they pick on you, its not because your bad, its because they enjoy picking on someone, anyone. For no reason. When they have the slightest reasons then they pick harder. They say these horrible things not because your a horrible person, its because they want to cause others pain. That’s why you should learn to ignore them. Anyone mean enouph to make someone feel so bad is worthless.
i know sometimes people can be mean…and judge but Fuc* them who cares what they think…you know they dont know you so all the negative things just let it slide and not let it bother you.
Ur confusing ur self …how i see it , it not what people think or say about you..it what you think about ur self. I don’t know what u’ve done that made you say ur a little slutty…but its seems like you enjoy it. You get to decided how people treat you. Respect your self, Love your self…. BE SELFISH specially when it comes to guys.