How do I make my wife love me again?

My wife and i have been married for 3 years. We have 2 children. I love all three of them with all my heart. The problem is that I was in the military when we got married and when I got out I became a truck driver. Because I know that she hated me being gone so much I got out of that career and found a job closer to home where I can be home every night. I think i found it too late though. She has said that she has turned off her emotions for me and prepared herself for leaving. She has also said that she does not want to be here. I asked for her to give it a few weeks to see if things will work out and she agreed. What can I do to make her love me again? Thanks for the help!

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19 Responses to “How do I make my wife love me again?”

  • C C says:

    Hey There,

    Sounds like your wife needs time to re-adust to your new life. See, I have been there myself. My ex was in the military, but in my case my ex was abusive. And I was glad when he was gone. In your case, sounds like you are one of the good guys. So you need to go back to the basics. Court her, (Date her), a woman always wants to know she, is the only one for her man. Leave a rose, and a note on your pillow, when you leave for work. Gently give her a kiss on her head, as you leave. Do little things for her. Be romantic, guys seem to really have a tough time with this , I do not know why,…lol!
    Get a sitter one night a week. Make this a standing date, every week, but make the nights out special, you know your wife better than we do. But this is important! You must win her all over again. A woman wants her children to be well loved, and have a devoted father for them, BUT, she does not want to play second fiddle to them ether! DO NOT TAKE HER FOR GRANTED! this is a very, very big no no! Cherish her, look deeply into her eyes, hold the back of her head, smile at her and tell her you love her, very slowly, with a great desire, and very gently, and slowly kiss her! Not a slobbery, tongue down the throat, kind of kiss, but a tender loving, passionate kiss. Then stand back and hold her hand. Just be yourself, and let your love lead the way! Tenderness, and total love, is the key! Never let people tell you that love and passion die after the honeymoon! Those people have never been in what is called over the moon in love, with anyone but themselfs!!!!! You must be willing to make you wife happy! As the old saying goes. If mom ain’t happy, no ones happy!

    ~~~~ Hope this helps~~~~ Blessings~~~~~~


  • sam1230 says:

    You could arrange for marital counseling for the two of you. Maybe after a few sessions of that, you could take her away for a few days and spend some quality time just the two of you doing things you both enjoy.

  • Nathan W says:

    You can’t make her love you. Take the time that you have and show her that you love her and care about her. Make her feel important to you. Don’t force anything on her. Give her space when she wants it, and be there as much as you can when she wants you there. Then if she still wants to leave, let her go.

  • getmymackon says:

    Start again. Start treating her like the woman she deserves to be (going out, intimate dinners, holding hands, snuggling up to her on the couch) you know little things that she will appreciate, without all the drama that men get themselves into when they have to do something.

    Oh and I am a non-believer in marriage counselling, it seems to be the American way though so if you want to do it then go right ahead.

  • writer272002 says:

    Why not try becoming the person she fell in love with? Were there special things you used to do together that maybe you’ve fallen out of the habit of doing?

    At the very least, try to get a few days with her alone and away from the pressures of kids. Maybe take her on a long weekend?

    Also I think you should have a LONG talk with her about how and why things changed and what you guys can do to salvage things.

    I think it’s important to mention, though, that you shouldn’t try TOO hard and put TOO much pressure on her. Realize that this may not work. You can give it your best effort but that’s all you can do. If you’ve tried your best and her feelings don’t change, I’m afraid you don’t have a choice but to let her go. Good luck to you.

  • mamaof3 says:

    Unfortunately you can’t make her love you but you can try to rekindle what she may be trying to forget. Where did you go for your first date? Take her there and tell her what you remember about it and why you fell in love with her. Tell her you realize by being away from her (working) your marriage didn’t have a chance to grow and you would like to have that chance before she walks away from it all. If you really truely love her and the kids and want to be a family you have to lay it all out there and be vulnerable. She may still leave but at least you know you gave it your all.

  • vtx.1800retro says:

    take the kids and leave, she’ll come around

  • Mac says:

    Well she had to of fallen in love with you to marry you maybe you should show her the man she fell in love with. She still loves you. You just have to remind her why and who she fell in love with. You can’t just fall out of love like that. Trust me she still loves you. And I know you love her or you wouldn’t be asking strangers who happen to be very good in this matter.

  • justclicktherubyslippers says:

    You question is simple really. You can not make someone love you that does not. It is impossible to change her mind. She might spend some time in counseling and that might help. I know this is difficult because the divorce rate is high when one of the partners is absent due to jobs or the military. Being absent allows the other person to remove themselves emotionally and to learn how to be alone and some times someone else is available and that leads them together. Be careful how you treat her at this time. She might have to leave to figure out that you are not a bad person. Attempting to "force" her to love you will make her back further away. Good luck.

  • I_tell_it_like_it_is says:

    You need to get back to basics. She is in a trance. with tunnel vision. What is the one thing you did that when you were first together that she liked, or laughed about? That is what you need to do.

  • Mooney says:

    Hate to tell you this but if she is involved with another man, there isn’t much you can do right now. Apparently she met others while you were gone so long and is just now getting around to breaking loose to be with them.

  • Hollynfaith says:

    The sad thing, is the reality of us not being able to make someone love us honey. It’s life. We can alter alot in life, but we can’t change free will. Let’s be honest, the truth of this situation is that she got use to being a single mom. She depended on herself and it became a way of life. She’s already cried all her tears and her heart is hardened to the life she use to know.

    The only thing I can recommend is trying without trying too hard. Flirt a little, laugh alot and be considerate of her way of life. Become super dad and the best friend a person could have and it’ll happen if it’s meant to be honey. But more than anything, be patient and understanding. She’s been through alot while you were gone (I’m not saying you haven’t), the girl she was is no longer the girl she is…just the same as you are not the person she once knew. You two have to find a middle ground to try and start all over.

  • ~{Graciela}~ says:

    Why not try and turn back the hands of time. In other words, try to show her the man she fell in love with. Get a babysitter and spend a little alone time together, dinner and night with no kids sounds good to every woman. She could probably use the time away from the kids too. Just try and show her that you are back home and ready to love her and spend time with her.

  • Sweet Suzy 777! says:

    Sorry dude you can not make some one love you. You can be there, be considerate, loving, but don’t be clingy, needy or smothering. She’s got the control right now, so back off a bit and let her get a little insecure. Stop trying to convince her to stay. Tell her if she wants to try again fine, but if she wants to go tell her you’ll let her. Then let her make her decision.

  • mmurray001 says:

    Sounds like to me that she already had her mind made up from the beginning know matter what you did to try and save your marriage. Someone can not turn they emotions off all at once it takes time to do this . You can not make someone love you if they dont see love is love and being in love with someone is quite different so what is it she has fallen out of love with you. Let me tell you something your kids and her are your main priority and she doesn’t want you. listen move on there is someone out there who will love you for you. Good luck

  • janetrmi says:

    You need to pray for your wife. Read the book the Power of a Praying Husband.

  • Colleen O says:

    First of all you can’t MAKE your wife feel something she doesn’t. However you can try to find out where those feelings went and maybe she CAN get them back but it will take counseling and that means the BOTH of you, and she may not WANT to go. You may just have to face that it’s over…

  • leena says:

    Hi , your in a situation that only you can fix it, its never to late,,
    when anyone have been push to the side for so long they build a wall between the relationship,, you need to start breaking it down … just try your best ,you need to let her know that your willing to start over and to give you a chance to prove it.. be honest with her ,,,
    I hope that everything goes well for you
    Good Luck

  • Brad L says:

    Well the first thing is that tell her that u love her. And the second thing is that bring her some red roses and bring the kids something to. Then the third thing is that come home early from work and tell her that you have a babysitter coming over and that u r taking her out to the movies and dinner. And I’m in the military to and I’m still there did my time in Iraq 2004 to 2005.

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