Fiance Broke Up After 3 years out of the blue, wants to meet for dinner?
My fiance and I have been dating for 3 years. I love her more than life, and asked to her marry me last Sept., she replied Yes and I was so happy. I thought we had the perfect relationship, we rarely even argued, and we were both very affectionate with each other. 2 weeks ago, OUT OF THE BLUE, she decided that " she can’t do this anymore, and she needs to find herself, she said that our relationship wasn’t a good fit, and that it is over. Needless to say, I thought I was having a bad dream and to this day I am still sick to my stomach, I have lost 15 lbs and haven’t had a good night’s sleep in 2 weeks. I love her more than anything and miss her so much, She emailed me a few times, but the emails were very cold and distant, NOT THE PERSON I KNEW, she told me that there was no other guy, but that she needs time for herself and wants to continue as the best of friends. She said that we can meet for dinner ina few weeks. I AM SO UPSET, What do I do? I miss her and want her back
She said that she wants me to be her male best friend, and that we have a close friendship. I don’t want a close friendship, I want an intimate relationship with her.
Does being friends, ever lead back into a relationship?
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Tagged with: 3 years • being friends • best friend • best of friends • fiance • friendship • having a bad dream • intimate relationship • out of the blue • quot • sick to my stomach • sleep
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Rarely it leads back into a relationship. She wants you to be a friend she can rely on and be close to for advice, etc. I’d see what comes of the dinner and see where her leanings are for the future. If there are no indications there may be chance of rekindling the romance, tell her you don’t think the friendship will work, seeing how you were once a lot closer.
Sorry Girls… I have to give this up, Your "girl" is stringing you along. She doesn’t want you (intimately) but wants you around her? C’mon, You and I live in the real world most of the time. If you ":move on" and she sees you "moving on" I can almost promise she’ll want you back. The grass appears greener on the other side, Tho’ it almost always isn’t. If you act "uninterested" in her she’s going to want to know what you’re up to and she’s going to want to be around you more and more.(even if it kills you) Don’t be a "whipping boy" ! There are plenty more where she came from.
Sounds like you arrived in the Friendzone. If you don’t know what that is I suggest you Google on it and learn.
This:
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She said that she wants me to be her male best friend, and that we have a close friendship.
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is an insult from her, to you.
And you should take it as such. She has just degraded you from intimate friend to a girlfriend – she wants you to become a friend she can ‘talk’ with while she dates other people. She can come to you and complain to you about her boyfriends.
That’s the friend she wants you to become.
Don’t expect too much from that dinner in two weeks.
You have one chance: If you wake up, spend the time you have on reading up, kicking yourself in the a$$, and learn to behave like a man and please a woman.
Read up (google) on ‘friendzone’ ‘get out of the friendzone’ and ‘DeAngelo’.
That DeAngelo is quite full of himself, but he does know what he is talking about.
The only thing you should not do (and what you ARE thinking of now) is how to plead, beg and cry when you see her.
That will absolutely 100% guaranteed put her off you forever. If you do that she’ll go home saying to herself ‘I was soo right to break this off’.
If you spend your 2 weeks wisely, and act the part, you will create severe doubts in her mind about whether or not she’s made a mistake.
So read up!
I would tell her that you just can’t do that. That the feelings you have for her aren’t just on a friendship level and that you’re really hurt about it. She’s focusing on herself by "finding out who she is", but she’s being selfish asking you to just drop your feelings and be her best friend, she can’t have the best of both worlds, it’s just not possible.
she’s not worth it. I know it’s going to be so difficult for you right now I know I know I know. But you need to be strong you need to let her go. I find it strange that she would just want to be best friend’s out of the clear blue like that. I would not go out to dinner with her. It will only make you hurt more in the long run and cause you more pain. You will feel more pain by keeping in contact with her as well. I would let her go completely from your life as of right now. Maybe, in a few weeks she will realize what she has done is a mistake and if she does I wouldn’t take her back. I know that sounds harsh but look at what she’s putting you through. Be glad you found out now before you were married then when you got married and she says out of the clear blue I want a divorce. I wish you the best of luck I will pray for you stay strong and PLEASE don’t go out to dinner with her. Just let her be it will cause you more pain and agony.
Have dinner, reiterate that you still want to marry her. See what she says. You don’t say how old you are, but if you and she are under 25, I can understand her hesitation somewhat. Whatever she says, accept.
Though tell her that you don’t think you’ll be able to be her "best male friend" if she needs time to go find herself. Be honest. All or nothing.
If she doesn’t want you, then you have to move on. There is nothing worst than a man carrying a torch for a woman who has already moved on.
Good luck.
Sounds like a head case to me. If you’re willing to be a sucker and suffer further emotionally because of her, go ahead and be friends.
Otherwise, it would be probably more healthy to just move on and stay away from someone you still have feelings for who doesn’t want you in the same way.
I know that this might seem to be not the answer you are looking for, but have you tried making her jealous? Get another woman or girlfriend and let this girl you like more than a friend see the two of you together and it will drive her nuts. Trust me, my best friend is doing this to me right now and I don’t know if I can take it anymore.
P.S. The girl you use to make her jelous, you should let her know of your intentions so that she doesn’t get hurt in any way.
well, first of all, breaking up and then saying you two can still be friends is like your dog dying and your mom saying you can still keep it. i think you should respect her decision for a while, and maybe when she does ‘find herself’ she will realize, well what she wants to do and who she wants to be with. dont pressure her to get back into an intimate relationship with you, because then she will want to get even more distant and maybe not even be friends. just be patient.
Just look at it this way, it’s better that she realizes right now that she wants out then after you got married. A lot of people are like that, when they are in a relationship they are happy, but when the word marriage comes up suddenly they start wondering if it’s the right thing to do. I think that she got cold feet and wonders if married life is for her. Just let it be. Give her the space that she needs and don’t meet her for dinner or anything brake it off. She can’t have her cake and eat it too. If you stay in her life, she will only hurt you more, because every time you see her, you will hope that she will change her mind. You know the saying: If you really love someone let them go" but they should also say" if you really love and respect yourself, be true to yourself and let it be.
Sometimes things happen for a reason and even if you can’t see the good in it now, maybe you will later on.
Good luck
Dont go he broke up don’t go that is out of the question girl show him what we are made of!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
Samantha
I am really sorry but I can speak from experience as I did this to someone too. I dated a guy for four years from age 19-23 and even accepted his engagement ring and by all appearances to the outside world we looked like a happy couple who would marry when I finished college. But the truth was that I never loved him in the first place and he was someone to do things with on the weekend when I was busy working and going to college during the week. I knew the entire four years that I would not marry him or have kids with him, yet I put up this facade and he was shocked when I ended it once I started my clinicals in college. However, even if it seems like I used him, well, he should never have relentlessly pursued me from the beginning. I agreed to one date with him when I met him but told him two weeks later there were no sparks there but he kept badgering me (I lived next door to him). I stayed with him out of boredom. His personality sucked anyways and I don’t feel bad about having ended it. However, that was in May of 1995 and to this date he still lives with his mother and drives past my old house looking to see if I am still there, and still asks about me to someone I know. His mother said "I ruined him."
Tell her you can’t be just friends. It is all or nothing. Then move on if that isn’t what she wants. Had I married this guy, i would have ended up having affairs.
People change and grow and often in different directions in their early 20′s and this is not an uncommon scenario.