How to deal with a calm but painful breakup?
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of four years. There wasn’t any big conflict, I just felt that we were no longer challenging one another, and that we were growing in different directions. We probably could’ve stayed in the relationship and remained happy, but it was no longer what it used to be and I could tell that we were holding one another back. We’re both fairly young and I thought that giving each other space was the best decision.
Of course, it’s still difficult to break up with someone you’ve been dating for four years. People ask me if I want to talk about it and I don’t know what to say. There’s nothing to complain about, no angry words to get out, nothing that accompanies the usual breakup. I’m just especially tearful, because I do love and care about him, though no longer in the romantic way I used to.
I need some advice about how to channel these feelings. How do you deal with a calm breakup that is still emotionally wrenching?
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Tagged with: advice • angry words • break • conflict • feelings • Painful Breakup • relationship
Filed under: Breaking Up Tips
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You know if you felt right about ending this, what you two did is the right thing…Sometimes we need to have time to yourselves to figure out what it is in life we really want and need…Four years is a long time but understand you need this time…for you. What you can do is keep yourself busy, find something your interested in, enjoy life. There is no need to be sad about this, know in your heart your choice was a right, believe that and you have won this emotional battle.
ICE cream
cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry cry. did i miss anything? oh yea cry cry cry cry
Talk to him about it rather than others. It will help you both get through it. Its good that you have you anger, but does he?
if you can stay friends with each other, then do it. it’s going to be hard, since you spent 4 years of your life together, but it sounds like it’s for the best. if things change in the future, who knows what will happen. get a hobby, hang out with friends, concentrate on other things. good luck.
i just hang wit my buddys to take my mind off them……this is not trying to sound mean but y would u leave some1 after 4 years i mean u must have rly loved him…y would u give up a love like that…so what if the romance was starting to fade love is love an true love only comes around once i think u should go back to him =/ again i was not tryin to be mean if it sounds that way
I would say try to be friends with him and hang out with him, if you can. Since you have been with him for so long, it is going to be really hard to just not see him anymore, so try being good friends. Don’t try to find a new boyfriend anytime soon, make sure he knows your not looking either. Just hang out on occasion, get coffee or lunch.
Wow, you sound extremely mature! Great decision, by the way. Here’s my advice…. challenge YOURSELF! Think of things that you dream of doing, that will make you feel accomplished and well rounded. Do something exotic. What would YOU love? Rock climbing? Theatre? Concerts? Make it a point to go somewhere cool or do something cool. That will make you feel like "yourself" again.
Find yourself in his absence. There are so many things for people to enjoy however, the distractions of relationships sometimes stunts are growths. Many of us fear being alone however, you seemingly have people around you to encourage and listen to you. Secondly, you need to understand that the world overwhelms us when we are waiting as spectators instead of participators. As hard as it may be, you will need to find you, the loving person, caring person, and soon you will be part of a world instead of worlds apart. Time is the healer but belief in yourself is the catalyst. Remember a loss leaves room for a something new.
would u like to have a net friend, like me
you may be happy with someone else and then again you may spend the rest of your life trying to find what you have now-did you 2 think about talking to someone i mean if you still love and care about him
Surround yourself with friends. If you and your best friend "broke up" you would probably be having the same feeligns. He was there for you for the past 4 years, and of course theres going to be a void where hes not. Fill that with something else, other activities. Hang out with sibblings, friends, get into your job, etc. Good luck! Breakups are hard!
keep yourself busy,.. we know that we cant forget good relationship… so keep it as good memories…
Hi Oat, Mind is a little different that your relationship. I am the 1 who still Love him very much and I would of LOVED to growth old with him and have a very good Champion. But he is like you with his Feeling, he did Love me at 1 time but his feeling has changed. My Heart is hurting and I just can’t move on yet.
I don’t know why I am still hanging on!!! May be there may be hope for us in the Future who knows really!!! We each have to deal with a Broken Heart in our own way. Good Luck!!!
A Friend Who Is In the Same Spot,
poppy1
It`s really very painful even while you`re writing this sentence, I could feel your sadness and loss. It is not so easy in the first place to accept things , that even you coul`nt understand. You said you`ve been with him for years , but for no reason at all you , you wanted to get away from him, may I ask what`s he say? First , ask him how you feel , then if he could give you reason, and it convince you to cool off for awhile, to boast your feeling maybe then why dont you give each other a chance. Sitting down and talk would be the perfect solution for this I think.
all my respect for doing something that many people find it hard to do! its hard to let go of someone that you love and that you’re so use to having around! it wont be easy, heartbreak never is. dont hide any emotions but dont let it consume you. life moves on and so must you occupy your time to keep your mind off the pain and time will just be passing by. when this happened to me i talked to my ex about every emotion i went through and it made it alot easier for us. you’ll find someone that will make you happy again, good luck and my heart goes out to you