Me and my ex were together 4 years, we have a 11 month old son.
We had our life planned out.. We were engaged and had a nice little flat. We’d been together so long that we kind of became the same person? We were really connected. :/
About 8 weeks after having our child, I started to think I didn’t love him, well that I wasn’t IN love with him… I stayed in the relationship not wanting to hurt him or our son.

In February I asked for a break, and the following week explained everything and called it off completely.

Only A COUPLE OF DAYS after we split.. A friend asked me out for a drink.. I accepted.. And we somehow sort of ‘got together’. I’m still with him now. We’re really in tune and on the same level..
We’re living together.. NOT because that’s where the relationship was.. But because I let my ex have the flat. It was me leaving him, it wasn’t his fault so I signed it over, and would be potentially homeless.

My current partner does not cook (Well he’s cooked 3 times since last month! Woo…. -_-) He does not clean.. He wastes his life away on his Xbox getting stoned. (Not smoking it in the house.. I have a baby :/) We argue quite a bit now too.. Mainly over him smoking weed.. Really trivial things like.. He hasn’t got enough.. Or He won’t do ANYTHING when stoned.. I dunno :/ I know he loves me though.. I feel bad.

I just find myself wanting my ex back more. We’ve both said we still love each other. He’s the father of my child ffs. :/ We know each other inside out.. But I’ve torn my family apart! And hurt him.. And he doesn’t know if he can trust me.

I do have some feelings for my new boyfriend :/ I would not be completely unhappy if we were to continue with this relationship.

Right now.. I can’t even comprehend WHY I thought I didn’t love my ex. When I compare feelings… With my new boyfriend they’re like.. Exciting? And that’s it I guess :/ With my ex.. They’re so much deeper.. And exciting too.. But for different reasons.. Excited about our family, and being together.. I dunno. :/

I’m just so confused. I haven’t mentioned any of this to my current.. I have told my ex. :/ My mum says me and my son can stay there until I’ve got the money for a deposit on a house, but I don’t know if I can do it??

I have a good time with my current partner :/ And it would be sad to end it now. I know that we couldn’t be friends if we split. That bothers me. :/

I am fully prepared to stay with my mum.. Get my own place.. And wait until my ex is ready :/ If he ever is… I’d wait years to get my family back.

I’m just so confused. I’ve spoken to my friend about it .. She says "It’s completely YOUR choice" Which it is. But I can’t decide. I can’t just keep plodding along like this, it feels unfair to my ex and to my boyfriend. :/ I feel awful.

How can I decide?
What are your opinions?

I’ve ended up in a ridiculous situation :/
I don’t understand what happened to my feelings with my ex at the time.. I now do not understand how I thought I did not love him. :/ So soon after having our son too.. That should have been the happiest time of our lives. :/

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