Is a marriage worth saving if the following things are happening?
Friday, June 4th, 2010 at
He’s having his second affair (that I know of), he’s placed online ads on dating sites (but says he hasn’t followed through), he’s bought flowers and taken his girlfriend and her kids on vacation, then takes me and his own daughter on vacation, he’s paying the bills but comes and goes as he pleases. He’s blown off marriage counseling but now says it’s over. He’s blaming me for his cheating but still says he loves me. Just curious what what most people would say. It’s been 18 years and we were happy one year ago.
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Tagged with: 18 years • dating sites • flowers • girlfriend • marriage • marriage counseling • Paying Bills
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Once he starts choosing another woman and her kid over you and his family i would leave. I do not know if you believe in the bible but it says that love is not selfish. If he loved you and his family he would have thought of you guys before making such a selfish decision.
Sounds like he’s going through a mid-life crisis. Get a divorce.
um, from what you are saying, it;s probably not fair to you to stay in it…. he can’t blame you for his cheating, unless you are cheating too… which would still be a childish way to handle the situation.
counciling didn’t work? hmmmm, might be time to leave.
First his actions are not your fault. And I would divorce him. My situation is similar and I am getting ready to file the papers.
This guy doesn’t deserve you. When you married you and he made a commitment which he has
broken..more than once. I would get a divorce. Though I hate it .
sounds like you need a good divorce lawyer, good luck
Sounds like it’s time to throw in the towel. He isn’t trying to save this marriage, why should you?
Sounds to me as if you are the only person concerned with saving it. He doesn’t sound like he cares, either way. You can’t make a marriage work if only one person wants it and the other doesn’t.
No its not worth saving, he has cheated on you twice that you know of and he will do it again, get rid of him and make a new life for yourself, it will be hard and lonely but you will come out a stronger person.
He doesn’t value what he had with you. It’s obvious he is moving on. Even setting up a new life for himself. Don’t let him run all over you. You can walk away. Don’t let him be in control. You can still find happiness elsewhere. Don’t waste your life on someone who brings misery to you. You have just this one life and by being with him you are throwing it away. Take charge and kick his ass out.
Let’s see…he refuses to accept responsibility for his actions or explore his motivations for them, and he’s blatantly leaving the opportunity open to do it again – assuming he’s stopped, which it doesn’t sound like you’re convinced he has, which means there’s no trust left. Nope, I’m afraid I don’t see any real hope here. You can’t save a partnership if the other partner won’t cooperate.
No.
This sounds like it isn’t even real. Is this from a movie? Get a divorce. Kick his dumb ass out of the house for good so he can’t come back when he pleases. Your child needs her father and not some man who will spend time with other children. Since your asking this question on a site like this, I would say you already know the answer. Good luck.
How many people have to say Leave him to this question before you consider it? 50?
its not worth saving
there is no love, trust, or respect in him for you
leave
and please please girlfriend get TESTED today, God only knows what he’s brought home to you NEVER touch him again, to do so would be to risk your health and your kids need you
That guys is a crazy hipocrit, please dont put up with that!! If u decide to keep giving second chances to him, he will cheat on u again and again and u wont know allthe times when he does it. Get a divorce and dont worry u never know whom u may meet tomorrow!!
I believe according to his actions it is not a healthy marriage even if you were happy 1 yr ago. I know it is hard to think of divorce but sometimes things happen for a reason. I really believe that when a window closes a door opens to guide you in a better direction. Your children should not suffer this and no you are not resposible for his actions.
I say you find a new healthy life.
Good luck and I really wish you and you’re family the best.
two affairs in one year? sounds like a mid life crisis to me. and he’s clearly taking the p*ss out of you, not exactly discreet, is he. how can you stand it? i know in the old days women looked the other way, but crikey… blaming you for his cheating? and you buy that line?
i cant tell you what to do, its your life. and divorce brings its own nightmares and the woman usually ends up in poverty. you have to make the decision yourself, dont let anyone push you into leaving before youre really ready.
if you want to try to save your marriage, do the following
1) get rid of the other woman any legal way you can, usually a face to face confrontation works
2) tighten the lead on him really, really tight and get his a*se back into counselling
3) get yourself looking as good as you did 18 years ago, or at least try
4) tell him how you feel, face to face
5) seduce him and make sure the sex is the best its ever been (this is normally why they cheat – cos they think you’re boring in bed).
He cheats, says it’s your fault. But in any case he still loves you Well of course he does. since it’s your fault he is having such a good time. That is so generous of the BS. Sorry, but I’m no lover of the "you made me do it" catchall cheater’s excuse.
On the other hand – this is all in one year? Could this busy boy have a medical problem?
Typical cheater. Blames everyone but themselves. He doesn’t love you. If he did, he wouldn’t be cheating. Throw him out. Let his hookers have him.
Its not your fault he’s cheating. He does not deserve you. You need to divorce him as soon as possible. Stand up for yourself. Don’t you think you deserve happiness? He’s a cheater and will say anything to have you and someone else on the side. The only way to stop this drama is to leave. Don’t let him be the one to make the decision. He’s already showed you he can’t be trusted or loyal. How much more proof do you need? I think you have enough. He’s a loser.
I certainly wouldn’t stay in that relationship. If you’re feeling betrayed, and can’t trust your husband, why stay with him?
18 years is a long time, dont give up without spiritual advise.
i’m close to my church family and i go to my pastor for advise.
yes although we can divorce for adultery God hates divorce and if he would talk to the pastor and get your forgiveness it would be great.
sounds like he’s going through a midlife crisis like mine did last year.
i do not understand how a woman can be with a married man, how pathetic she is for attention.
he will not find happiness with a new relationship built on adultery and betrayal.
so if you still love him get involved in a bible based church, and pray.
You have nothing to do with his cheating & until he shows you the respect you deserve, you should not be suffering like this by remaining in this marriage. Be strong and don’t let him mistreat you like this.
Move on move on nothing to see here new life for me
Best of luck with it
my grandmother had the same problem and she stayed with him till she was about fifty. She says staying with him was the worst mistake of her life. She said she now regrets it bc she was miserable for all those years. and soon after the divorce her gfs made her go to a bar and set her up. Of course she didn’t know that she was set up. But the guy she was set up with turned out to be the love of her life and so much more.
After not long of being with him he became very sick and lost is legs. And soon after that he lost his life.
Don’t waste your life on someone who makes you miserable. I know it seems hard ti leave him bc of course you love him and I understand that….
But you have to take chances hunny. Remember you only live once so don’t waste away your life bc you never know what’s gonna happen.
And think. How many people do you know that have left there husband bc they treated them like crap and never found someone else.
Very unlikely.
Everyone deserves better than that…. So don’t waste your time on him….
And remember everything will be Okaii. I may hurt for a while but things always get better. Always.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that you do not stay with him…. Bc reading this makes even me hurt inside. Choose happiness over tears always. And always put you and your kids first. And if he can’t do that then he is definitely NOT worth it….