What should I do to get that spark back and save my marriage?
MY husband and I have been married almost four years just short of two weeks. For about the last 8 months I have just felt that the flame has just burnt out. He says he loves me and I really do believe him, and I really love him. He just doesn’t make any effort to prove it. All he ever want’s to talk about is Sport’s, music, and his hobbies. Which is fine but EVERYDAY ALL DAY get’s so old. We both work full time and I don’t mind a bit taking care of him. I try my best to do most everything around the house, the only thing he has to do is take out the garbage. Which never get’s done. He just want’s to sit in front of the T.V or on the computer. Then we have the sex life. He seems to really think he’s making me happy, but it’s blah. I mean I usually try to avoid physical contact with him at this point. He says this hurts him, but he doesn’t understand how much he hurts me by constantly shutting me out.
Please someone help me out. How can I get the spark we once had back. I’ve tried reading books, being completely in tuned with his thought and hobbies nothing is working. He thinks everything is getting better but I’m the only one making an effort.
I should clarify that yes I have tried just sitting down and talking to him. We had a great heart to heart about 6 months ago. Then everything stayed the same. I realize marriage is not a game. It’s a lot of hard work. But is it to much to ask that everyone does a little work. I strongly believe in marriage and I really know he is the one im destined to be with. I just need help digging out of this rut we have hit
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Marriage is not about fireworks. It is about two people riding out the bad and the good and staying committed.
You two need Christian marriage counseling from a couple who have been married at least 25 years. Try calling your local Churches.
Did you ever try talking to him?
Here you are, talking to the whole world wide web, but have you ever told him the things you wrote here?I’m not talking about fussing, or yelling, or whining, just sitting down and explaining things calmly.
You stated that he thinks everything is getting better. Have you let him know that things are NOT getting better, and letting him know EXACTLY what is wrong??
I hope this helps you.
Go in peace.
And always remember: — Jesus loves you!!
Sincerely,
Uncle Floyd
Maybe going out and having fun together, for example going to the movies, out to eat, even a night club here and there. Something needs to change because once you feel comfortable thats when cheating starts because you look for that excitement in someone else.
Take it from me, me and my husband was together for 6 yrs I was the one who never paid attention to my husband, didnt want to have sex all the time and all i did was talk about our son, and now look at us. He cheaetd on me and now we are going to court. Dont get to comfortable.
My recommendation is counseling. If you’re feeling like the flame has burned out after 4 years, how in the world could you possibly make it 15 or 20 or 30 years? Counseling will help you both.
THere’s your mistake right there, you try to avoid contact with him. BIG no no! A man needs to feel loved, appreciated and sexually attractive. Spice things up in the bedroom and he’ll be eating out of your hands.
I like Watkin’s answer but I’m going to add a little more. You guys really need to talk. Communication! You guys have to give 100% to this relationship. This commitment. 50/50 does not apply to marriage.
You guys need to talk about what is lacking so it can be fixed. Do it in a loving manner. Men are sensetive when it comes to sex so be careful how you approach that part. You both need to meet each others needs so you guys will feel close but you need to make sure your needs are known. You can’t fix what you don’t know is broken. This is so fixable. Just give 100% and work it out. Marriage is work not all fun and games.
I completely agree with you. Marriage is not a game. It is not an easy thing to just tell someone you’ll love them forever and MEAN it. You know? I have the same problem believing that my husband loves/wants to be in this marriage too. But I think that’s part of what it’s about, almost to keep us on our toes to understand that marriage is hard work. My husband and I got married young and he was starting to feel like he didn’t live up his life before he married me. So now sometimes I’m feeling like I’m just second string to all these other people he "could have" married, you know? But he says that’s not the case. But I think that when you feel hurt, it’s hard to get back to how you normally were because no one wants to feel that pain of losing someone, you know? But I believe if you want marriage to work, you gotta trust a lot of things that aren’t always easy to trust. I’m sorry if you’re hurting, but maybe it would just help to know that there are other women (including myself) that are struggling too…best wishes for you…
Is your marriage built on the Rock of the Lord? Mine definitely wasn’t and now I’m having to rebuild it. Turn to the Lord, He will give you the marriage you always wanted if you put Him first. rejoiceminstries.org