How do you fall in love with your husband- again?
It is not that I want to leave him. But he’s hurt me – a lot. He’s also lied about so many little pointless things that I’ve lost trust. He is not a man of his word so it’s hard to find little reasons to gain back trust. I say I love him when he says it to me, but I don’t say it first usually.
He needs to learn to stop lying. He needs to find ways to gain my trust back. Four years of lying and doing horrible things really hurt. I can forgive him all I want, but he doesn’t understand that it doesn’t take pain away or put trust back.
I don’t know how to love him anymore. How do you fall in love again?
What would you tell him if you could?
He IS seeing someone, for about 2 months now. Although I don’t think he’s talking about the right things – he thinks he’s perfect it seems and that I am the problem.
I’m 20 he is 22.
Actually what’s funny is he only does things alone but in the same room as me. He doesn’t involve me with anything. He hardly talks to me, I understand some because he’s not a talkative guy – but he says nothing. He will not read with me, will not do anything unless it’s watch TV or play a video game with me. Which doesn’t make me feel better, I just feel like his brother or roommate.
Exactly what I told you/everyone (above) is what I’ve nicely said to him. He actually yelled at me for it. He thinks I’m holding a grudge and it’s all my fault. I’ve never hurt him, lied to him, never cheated on him or did anything wrong. Most I’ve ever done was call him a jerk or other small name because he name calls me ALL the time.
We have a 1 yr old btw. I’m the only one who takes care of her, even when I want a break, he doesn’t do anything to help me. 
I love our daughter but I need time to myself and it’s his child TOO.
At this point I don’t know what would put even a fraction of trust back. He’s done a lot wrong, I don’t want to list the horrible things. But he treats me wrong – that’s the point of this. He wants to work things out but doesn’t do anything.
My dad abandoned me and my husband’s new catchphrase is "I’m not your dad" because he thinks I’m mad at him because of him. Which IS wrong, I’m mad my husband spend the first year together, behind my back, trying to get someone else back. I’m pissed about other things he’s done, all the lying/cheating, him being stupid… I’m hurt about that. He knows this, and thinks I have a grudge. I don’t and even if I did, I am allowed to have lost love and trust in him from the things he’s done.
NO HE IS SEEING A DOCTOR that’s what I mean not another ‘person’
Well if anyone is willing to help 1-on-1 my yahoo IM is cizinsmistress
we have a little girl together. He doesn’t help me with her – ever. I’m the only one to take care of her. Even when I’m unwell. I never get a break. As much as I love her – it is his child TOO.
Okay — we’ve seen the movies. Didn’t change a thing.
If anyone wants to help 1-on-1 my yahoo IM is cizinsmistress
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Tagged with: brother • btw • dad • fraction • holding a grudge • man of his word • roommate • video game • watch tv
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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This type of behavior will take quite some time to fix. He def needs to see a therapist/psychologist. Do you love him enough to help him with this? It may take years?
Sorry but you seem like a good woman and you may have married the wrong person for you.
If I were to guess, he probably won’t see a therapist, right?
Sprinkle pixxie dust on yourself, clap ur hands 4 times and then lastly go into a room with a mirror and then do a few jumping jacks
by getting your own innocence back?
I wouldnt say anything
" he doesn’t understand that it doesn’t take pain away or put trust back. "
And what would take the pain away and make you trust him again? Seriously… what would it take?
I think you need to find the answer to that before you try to love him again. Figure out what its going to take to make the relationship work first.
I personally think the answer that he change his behaviors, the lying, by him changing into a trustable person that doesn’t lie is what it would take. So is he willing to go to counseling and work on these behaviors or not?
try remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place..and why you married him…
Sounds like the situation is difficult.
but it can work out…with lots of prayer and patience and communication with your husband.
Hey you should watch that movie: fireproof or maybe even buying the love dare book it is a great video for married couples.
Good luck and hope it works out for you.
Do things together. More than just watching television. Go for walks. Throw a baseball around. Play card games. Play boardgames. Invite other couples over for game nights (non-sexual). Read books to each other at night to fall to sleep.
Renew your friendship. Love will follow. Or it won’t, in which case it is gone for good.
If you want to fall in love with him, it’s because you actually love him. If you feel you don’t, it is just because you are resented for being mistreated.
If you are not sincere to him telling him what you do not feel. He would notice it. He may believe that you are lying. Things could get worse. Let him know that you want to be a good wife, but you feel hurt. That you need to heal and he will need to help you.
Be specific and do not fight, do not argue. Learn to listen and just calmly talk. This is a skill, but very necessary for a marry women.
If he lie a lot don’t try to trust or understand him because you will be setting your self up to be hurt again.When you talk to him just smile , but in your mind you know how you feel.
for me i’d have to travel back in time.
ask a pastor to visit your home,
before it gets worse.
well draw the line and tell him you wont take it anymore either change or your gone i mean speaking as a guy i have been hurt to and when it doesn’t fee right i leave i mean how long to you have to be in pain are you a masochist just figure out what it means to you and if you his puppet then let him pull your strings until your warn out or give him one more chance and leave if it doesn’t satisfy you but its 2009 women don’t have to take that there are other men out there and they are not all lairs and cheats so figure out where you draw the line go on from there ok good luck and god speed
It sounds to me like your husband needs to grow up. A lot. It takes a lot to forgive someone for lying and hurting you. It is impossible to forget the pain. It’s not your place to learn how to love him again. It’s up to him to give you a reason to fall in love with him again. He obviously doesn’t have much respect for you. And it doesn’t sound like you have much self-respect left.
If he wanted to get back with you he wouldn’t be seeing someone else. It doesn’t sound like you’re the problem, he is!
Good luck!
you are only 20 years old, find someone else….he sounds extremely selfish and self centered….don’t sell yourself short-find someone who is worthy of your love and attention-someone who will reciprocate your affection….you might hurt for awhile but at your age you can move on and find someone to really appreciate you…don’t sell yourself short…you have a long life ahead of you-be happy with someone who can be happy with you.
First u don’t say how old each of u are, nor how long u’ve been married, whether their are children involved. Nor are u clear about hurting u. R u talking physical abuse, verbal abuse or the fact that u mistrust him and that is what u mean by hurt?
If it’s abuse phy or verbal run and find support group/hotline in ur area for domestic violence. Get counseling and develop a plan of escape if not in eminent danger.
Now if ur talking about trust… The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman ( local church library probably has copy, Fireproof Movie Love Dare Journal is a tough assignment to bring around change in ur marriage.
Why and what is ur mate lying about? Did he do this same behavior prior 2 marriage? Second this is the time 2 reach out to Pastors for free counseling. Change is not just about him, it’s about YOU. You will set the tone 4 change, be aware he may not follow. It’s how u react to confrontation, whether he’s disrespecting u, cheating… ur too vague 2 know how 2 offer better tools to search. I have found local library’s have a pleura of material. Positive reinforcement from dynamic speakers like Anthony Robbins about personal power, Gary Smalley on relationships. The Love Dare Journal though is powerful but u must be committed and continue it over and over. Many marriages have changed because of it and the movie.