How to make my husband love me again?

My husband just got back from Iraq a couple months ago. I think hes having a hard time with me well his feelings for me, cause i feel like whatever i do it isnt good enough he makes me feel like it aint good enough. I love him with all my heart and while he was away i hung out with a guy that my husband didnt approve of and i wondering is he still taking it out on me or what? I need some advice on how to make him look at me like he use to when we were dating or how to makehim touch me like he did when we were dating. I cant lose hope on this marrige cause i know i could never leave he thinks i want him to leave cause i always threathen a divorce to make him change, But deep down what no one knows is im totally crazy about him i would die honestly emotionally die without him, its gotten so bad i would let him cheat on me or hurt my feelings just to have him cause I need him. I need his arms around me at night i need his face i just need him here with me. I just wish i could do something to make him feel the same. Something to change his ways and come back to me. Dose anyone have any ideas for me? Thanks.

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20 Responses to “How to make my husband love me again?”

  • olderbutwiser says:

    Once "innocence" is lost, like when you hung out with the other guy while he was gone, it is seldom, if ever, recovered. You continue "playing games" about divorcing him, then wonder why he doesn’t love you like you want? I’m not being mean, just honest with you. You need to stop that immediately! Good Luck!!

  • Lily_1983 says:

    Why do SOME women still think they can "Make" men love them?
    You cannot make people do anything for you. If they do, they do. If they don’t, you need to move on, period.

  • Captain says:

    You should get counseling…I hate to say it, but everyone is replaceable and you only live once and deserve to be happy! Obviously, your marriage isn’t making you happy. You can’t make him love you; right now, you could be in two different places. He did go to Iraq, right? I’m sure that was a life changing experience for him.

    Maybe you can recreate a really romantic night the two of you had and see if reminiscing will reconnect the two of you.

    I really think you shouldn’t love someone else more than yourself.

  • flameinpueblo says:

    Coming home from Iraq is hard…on both of you…you all need counseling…at least I would think you do….that is what I told my sons and daughter-in-laws when the guys got home…had 2 sons over there and both of them needed time to get things straight….sometimes people need professionals to help put things back together again…good luck

  • Justin Hollywood says:

    Well if you knew he wouldn’t approve of this guy your were hanging out with, why did you? Thats a slap in the face. He’s protecting the country, he can barely keep you out of the arms of another man. Thats probably how he feels.

    Stop threatening divorce. Its not cute, it doesn’t work, its annoying and if you continue he’ll file for it himself or tell you to.

    Plan a date with him, like how you did before you got married so he can think of how things used to be. Let him know you need him, because apparently he didn’t believe you did when you were with this other guy. He’s your husband,so you are allowed to be honest with him like that. Don’t tell you would let him cheat on you though.

  • sunbun says:

    Why WOULD you threaten this man with divorce when that is not your intention???

    No wonder he feels this way, look at your actions and words…

    You need some counseling here.

  • jacalynfreeborn says:

    This is a common question on here and what so many people fail to realize is these guys just came back from war. Who is to say that they have changed for the worse due to PTSD? I wonder if that is the problem here. He is angry about something you did while he was gone and somehow finds a way to distance himself from you at every angle. He could just be distant from being gone. Don’t tell him you want a divorce anymore. You don’t need to say things you don’t mean you should be saying things that you really do mean like you need him and can’t live without him. Tell him that!

  • Cartman says:

    woah take some medication and calm down.

    maybe u shouldnt have hung out with another guy while he was gone.. maybe u shouldnt have even told him about this other guy if this other guy was just a friend..

    if this other guy and u got intimate than i can understand your husband being mad.

    u also shouldnt have married someone who is always gone away for months on end! STUPID!

    u knew that was his job..and if it was too hard to handle then u shouldnt have gotten married

  • Jenn L says:

    you could just be thinking the worst.That he doesn’t love you.You say he just got back from Iraq? It’s probably that he has alot to deal with,he just came back from a war and its a big change for him.Just sit down with him and tell him exactly how you feel and don’t be so hard on him.Be there for him.Good luck

  • Afton R says:

    When Husbands/boyfriends or friends go to war and see what they see it changes them inside. Give him time and talk to him about how you feel, hopefully he opens up. Ur doing the best you can, and I’m sure he still loves you hun it’s just hard after seeing what they see over in the middle east. If you need 2 talk email me @

  • Manda Panda says:

    I really think you need to talk to someone. Im not puttin you down by any means but you must have a self esteem issue if you NEED him. when you say that you would let him cheat on you, just to be wiht him thats where it took a turn. what you need is GOD!!! he is the only thing you need in life. to think that you would rather go thru the pain and sufferin of havin someone cheat on you, knowin that he touched another woman like he used to touch you would hurt so badly. i know ive had it done, and it hurt and there is no way I would put up with that. I wish you the best of luck thou. you just need to talk to him about it really. dont threathen divorce either…that could backfire.

  • Gypsy Red says:

    First of all never use divorce as a threat. Unless you really mean it, don’t say it. Second, he just got back for Iraq, not one of the most pleasant places to be. You need to get a counselor from the base to work with the two of you. They are used to dealing with these type of problems. He’s not the first solider who has had trouble adjusting to home life. Get that help and get it now.

  • Post Jacob says:

    youre going to have to give him time….you cant rush a vet…theyre in a fragile place

  • Larry E says:

    Why would you ever threaten to divorce some on to get their attention, that’s crazy. I’m sure he has some major adjustments to make after being in Iraq. Give him some space and quit trying to change him. Also stay away from the guy he don’t approve of, that would make any husband mad. I am not trying to be hard on you but I think you are trying to smother him. This is just my opinion andI could be 100% wrong Good luck to you and I really hope things work out for the 2 of you.

  • ? says:

    I’m a military wife as well, and I know how weird it can be when your husband has been away for so long and things feel different when he comes back. First off, why was there another guy around while he was gone? I feel like that’s one of the worst things you can do while your husband is deployed. Even if he’s a good friend, to both of you, there’s always that image of the "lonely military wife" and there is always going to be suspicion. I make sure to never hang out with guys (unless they are gay) without my husband, whether he’s deployed or not. There are always people out there who start up rumors and can’t mind their own business, and that’s how a lot of divorces happen in the military. The guys don’t know what happens while they are gone, and they can start to feel very insecure as they get homesick. Secondly, threatening divorce is always a HUGE mistake. If he’s already feeling insecure about what’s happening at home, bringing up divorce will only further those feelings, and he’ll pull away from you, so when the time comes to part, it won’t be so painful. Threatening to divorce him will only make things worse. Maybe you two need some alone time, like a little vacation to reconnect with each other. Maybe HE’S feeling the same way toward you as you do toward him? Maybe he feels like since he has come home, you are being very defensive because you’re hurt that he’s not acting the same. Being deployed can really change someone too. Some of these guys see and hear things that no one should ever have to, and they can’t always talk about it. They get some kind of debriefing when they get back to the states, but the memories of the sights and sounds can stay with them for years, or the rest of their lives. It’s very hard to love a military man, since they are coming and going so often, and you don’t usually have too much warning, and you don’t know where they are going and when they are coming back. But they need your love and support to fight for our country, and your understanding that they have such a tough job and just need to know they have your support, but they also may need time to regroup (and it can take months). I say, just hang in there, show your love and support, don’t talk about divorce anymore (he doesn’t need any more stress), and just try to stay positive. Reach out your hand and keep waiting for him to reach back…

  • pictureshygirl says:

    It could be your husband does feel betrayed by you hanging out with a guy he did not approve of. Honestly, you should not have hung out with any guy at all. I know you understand how this put your marriage in jeopardy and now your husband feels angry. Men usually do not talk about their feelings but it does not mean they do not have them. Think how you would feel if he hung out with some other girl. If you love him as much as you say you do then you need to validate how he feels and then do all you can to make it up to him. One way is to stop threatening divorce. Your husband needs to know how much you love and value him. So many couples get lost in themselves, into what they are not happy about. Your goal should be "the marriage". Focus on that and do all you can to make it work. Take the focus off yourself and do what it takes to make your marriage work. Love, understanding, compassion and patience can carry a long ways. Good luck to you!

  • maite25 says:

    you know something when it comes to guys who go to war it changes them forever i did not met my husban before he went to the marines i met him 6 yrs after he had finish his time and he was in war and you know something i feel the same way you feel many times he is just distant and it make me feel unappreciated and unlove and i just think that will never change it is just the way it is i guess it is not a good idea to marry guys who serve because once they go though those experiences they change and are more cold hearted and don’t show much love

  • OutBackBob says:

    You’re always trying to manipulate him and threaten him with divorce to do it but you somehow expect him to know you love him?

    While he was out facing life and death every day in Iraq you were hanging out with some other guy?

    What prize you are.

  • soldier says:

    okay dat was really stupid to hand out with sumeone ur husband DOESNT approve of and was fighting in a war, u should feel very guilty. da war has a horrible affect on ur mind n ur body so give him time. STOP having connections with da other guy, idc how he feels about it he’ll get over it ur realtionship is more importabt, but try making him feel special, love him and dont stop. also tell him how u feel. u gotta make him feel like ur always gonna be there and close to u all da time. love him

  • Engineer719 says:

    "i hung out with a guy that my husband didnt approve of " doesnt sound like something a person that is going to die emotionally without him would do…. Sounds like you just ‘need’ someone there…I don t blame your hubby. I would do the same. Just my opinion.

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