Can I Make My Wife Fall In Love With Me Again?
Just recently I’ve been seeing a change in my wife’s behavior. After constant arguing over the lack of sex, hugs and kisses I was able to get her to tell me the truth.
She admitted that she doesn’t love me anymore.
This of course broke my heart. I was there for her from the day we met. I helped her through so many of her personal problems with her family and finances. I work hard with the thought of her and the baby in mind.
I only want the best for us, but we are struggling. When I first met her, I was more of a hot head. I hung out a lot, went out drinking. Is it possible that she fell in love with me in the past but the new calm me is not what she wants?
She doesn’t like to talk about this, she refuses to see a counselor, but at the same time she wants to stay with me. She tells me that she can’t leave me. That I’m her best friend and I’m all that she has.
She still refers to me as babe, and that messes with my head. She swears that it has nothing to do with another guy.
I tried to get her to come with me to see a marriage counselor, but she refuses to go. She says she knows what she feels and she doesn’t need them to tell her this.
It’s so weird, she found a new apartment for us to live in. When I told her I couldn’t live with her she cried. She can easily move in with her sister or mother. They’re all financially secure.
But she still wants me to stay with her. But just as friends. I told her that there is no way I would accept her going out on dates while I’m living with her and she continues to get angry over that, constantly reminding me it’s not about men.And she’s not interested.
How can I get her counseling if she wont go?
I really appreciate all of the responces. It really means a lot.
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Tagged with: babe • best friend • calm • counseling • Family Finances • heart • hot head • huggs and kisses • hugs and kisses • hugs kisses • Hung • lack of sex • love • marriage • marriage counselor • messes • new apartment • personal problems • responces • truth
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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It might be time to get her to a doctor. It really does sound like she is suffering from depression and some medication and counseling might make a world of difference. Try to get her to the doctor. Let the doctor know what is going on as she might not admit anything to him. The doctor can take it from there and she might be more accepting of counseling if the doctor also recommends it.
Unfortunately, if she refuses to go to the doctor, there isn’t much you can do…except wait until she seesm him for some other reason…then call the doctor in advance and tell him your concerns.
I hope it all works out! My thoughts and prayers are with you. She is lucky to have you but right now her emotional state prevents her from seeing it. I wish you the best.
Take her to a medical doctor. She’s depressed and needs help. Her problems may not even have anything to do with you.
Wow, that sounds a bit familiar..at least the beginning part. I feel like I have fallen out of love with my husband too. But he has made alot of huge mistakes and maybe it is that I just cannot forgive and forget. And there are still some questions in my mind about what more he MAY have done. She may not be really messing with your head but more likely is simply confused by her own feelings. I don’t like the thought of counselors either. I think she wants to respect you and maybe you have yet to step up. Is she carrying most of the family responsabilities. At least that is how I feel, and maybe she is feeling similiar. And yes it is depressing. I love my husband but do not feel close to him or want to be physical with him, and the more I try to force myself the harder it is. At least you WANT to talk about it.
Yes you could. Help her find a goal, help her find something that makes her feel worthwhile and productive if thats what she is missing. If she is suffering from clinical depression encourage her to get some help, there are websites with depression questions to help determine whether outside help is needed. But I would just say ok, you are unhappy, lets find a way to make that better. Get her to ask herself what she wants and needs to get there and tell her she can do it. It could be that its the depression that is killing her desire for sex and intimacy. Be her best friend and things will get better. Good luck.
Couples fall in and out, and back in love, every day. Try recreating some of your earlier moments (minus the heavy drinking part) that were good. Go to some of the same places that you two used to go, do some of the same things. But also remember to be yourself. It’s WONDERFUL that you’ve matured past the hot-headed heavy drinking stage, but you’re probably still a fun guy. Sometimes, in relationships, (most times actually) things become stagnant, it sounds stupid, but go out and try new things by yourself too. Many times a partner becomes bored, for lack of a better word, and settles in. Try to break the mold some. Chances are she hasn’t "fallen out of love" she just needs a little reminder as to why she does love you so much. Best of luck to you!
I tmay be helpful if YOU get help, from a consuler. My experience with relationships shows that things change: feelings, attitudes, desire, and love. They are apt to change again. I understand you have changed from what you were like in the past. That is parallel in my life. I changed, evolved, or grew up and became more responsible, and my marriage of 17 years changed, my spouse was unable to meet my new needs of companion and equal rather than housewife and mother of his children. Even if she will not go to consuling, you will benefit. You both deserve the best life has to offer, and these are growing pains, for the both of you.
try starting all over again. Court her again, if you need to. Send flowers, cards, send and fetch her to work, cook meals for her. She must be going thru a lot of stress now. try to understand her, after all she says you’re her bestfriend. Maybe she needs a bestfriend now more than a husband. That’s why you should focus on that first. make her feel she is important. don’t give up. your continous love can bring back her love for you once again. be patient, it will always be worth it. anything for the one you truly love.= )
Find her proffessional help. You still love her so hang around. She loves you.. she’s a bit messed up I think..
I believe she can fall back in love with you. I had the same problem. I fell out of love with my husband. In my case another person made me feel more wanted. He made our affair feel new and exciting, something I lacked at home. After the confession my husband and I started doing alot together. He suprised me often and made me feel young again. Maybe she is jsut going through a phase…trust me we all do….be patient. Be true to yourself though, if you are a good man and you do all you can for her then it is time to ask for 100 percent from her too. One person can not be the only one to put into a marriage. If it fails then let her go, trust me one day she will regret letting go of her best friend.
From what you say, I think she still loves you but she is probably just going through a tough time. I do get those up and downs and some times those downs last a bit longer than usual. I would suggest to perhaps try to get out of the rut. Trying something new together. Do something that you both would enjoy. What does she enjoy doing? out door activities? going dancing? Make it a little ligther for now and BE her best friend for now…Give her some time to breathe and show her that life can be fun when you have someone that loves you. I hope things get better. Good luck.
She may be going through a midlife crisis thing thinking she needs somthing else when in reality she does not have a clue she probably does need to see a Dr. I would hate to see her make a mistake she cannot take back.
, Take time apart, not separation just a short time away from each other, ask to think about what she wants in the relationship, not what you want, your heart is set she needs space.
Love is a complex thing, that no one really understands. I am sorry for your problems and wish you the best of luck. I would try and make it work, help her remember why she loved you in the first place. People also say, that if you can’t love yourself, you can’t love anyone else. She may just need your help in finding something that interest her, and she may start to like herself again.
Well, whatever you do, DON’T put her on psych-drugs to handle the depression … you’ll have a managable zombie at most … she’s smart to refuse seeing a ‘counselor’. I suggest you withdrawl a little (go to the gym and get fit) or participate in a group sport. When she comes back to you, go on a trip together but keep yourself active as who YOU are so you don’t lose yourself in her or trying to make her love you. If she is depressed, these same remedies will help her come out of the depression! The fact is that the best thing you can do for you and her is improve yourself!
Good Luck and good thoughts to you both!
I hate to say this, but maybe you should try a trial separation and you need to suggest it. Don’t give her an option, just say that’s what you are going to do. Maybe the thought of losing you (you say she says that you’re her "best friend" and you’re "all that she has") will set her straight. She’s got too much control here and that’s not fair play–she doesn’t love you but you’re her best friend?? You’re all she has?? You don’t deserve to have your heart broken and your head messed with! If she doesn’t want to get help for herself, get help for YOU! A counsellor will help you see that her problem of intimacy isn’t YOUR problem. She needs to own her own feelings and find a goal for herself and stop seeing you as her personal rescue and entertainment machine, but this won’t happen until you stop enabling her to hurt you. You sound like a great guy for loving her so completely and unselfishly, and you’ve grown up. It’s time for her to grow up too. Good luck to you!
Wow, thats a tough one. Recommendation would be take her out as you once did when you were dating and talk about w/ all in the open because if it turns out to be for another guy, sorry you have no chance there.
Yes, she can fall in love with you again but you can’t make her. I just went thru this although I had to take the kids and leave to make him want to stop partying, Your situation almost seems to mirror mine. After 3months gone we are back together trying to make it work. I am falling back in love but it is a slooow process. If you really want this marriage do not smother her and give her time. best of luck!!!
It sounds like your wife still loves you,trust me,if she didn’t,no matter what she would leave or ask you to leave.I feel that from what you stated,there has been alot of strain put on this relationship.However,just keep loving her and reassuring her of how much you do love her and how much she means to you,that she is what completes you and your family life.She probably is in a depression and doesn’t know how she got there or how she can get out.Start doing things,like what you both use to really enjoy doing again,be patient with her,however she got into this mode,it didn’t take one night and it’s not going to go away in one night.Pray that the Lord give back to her with the unconditional love she once new.He will ! Even her saying that your her best friend,whether you realize it,she is still in love with you,she is hurting,so i believe the words,I Don’t Love you anymore is to hurt you back and to get an reaction from you.Like i said she just needs time and reassurance of your guys relationship.Keep up the gentle kindness work.It takes a good man to do so.Best wishes!
Maybe you two should start acting like you are dating again… it might help put the fire back in the relationship. Remember how hard you work to keep the person happy when you date them? Go out to movies, hold hands in public, flirt, leave those cute little notes everywhere, open doors, etc. Marriage definitely isn’t easy, it’s something you have to work at to keep alive! Sometimes you do fall into a rut, and you need something new and exciting to spice it back up. If marriage counseling isn’t your thing, maybe try a couple’s retreat or take one of those romantic cruises together. Let her know you still care about her just as much as the day you met. If she is your universe, tell her that, and tell her often. Let her know that she’s not just the missing piece of your puzzle, she IS the puzzle and without her you’d be lost.
Its not a good time to make her fall in love with you; if she will she will do so when she is happy. Fact is you tried to make her happy by providing for her needs. You said yourself that in those days you partied….She needed companion and you didn’t provide that. I don’t think she just wants to fill her pantry, nor is her intent to use you.
Right now she needs a friend, a best friend, the assurance that in a heated argument she wouldn’t hear get to F— out as happens all to often with girlfriends and boyfriends…..Be a friend.
if she is not in love with you anymore why should you stay? you must really love her if your willing to try to make this work! But you need to be fair to yourself. If you changed to be what she wanted you to be then there something going on. She just isnt happy with herself is what i belive. She sounds alot like me a year ago. She just thinks she dosent love you! You need to leave but tell her your doing this for her. If you really love her and want to be with her then give her some space let her miss you. If she dosent want you to come back then it time to move on. There no reason to stay together if there is nothing there. You should both want to be happy. The truth is if the two you guys arent happy neither will you children.
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