Has anyone overcome falling in love with someone other than your husband? Did you love your husband again?
My husband was very cold and distant to me for years. When I met someone else that is very loving to me and we fell deeply in love, then my husband tried his best to make everything right. Except that he couldn’t work for stalking me and monitoring my every move. He even taped my phone conversations. I had to leave. I am back with my boyfriend and I have filed for divorce. I love my boyfriend very much and he loves me very much. But in the sight of God, I feel so guilty b/c I know it is God’s perfect will for my husband and I to resume our marriage but I can’t go back to the torture that I went through with him for 3 years trying to make it work. This is the worse pickle I have ever gotten myself into. How can you change your feelings for someone? I have tried and tried and I have hurt my boyfriend as well b/c of my struggle with this. Does anyone have answers? Thank You!
You are so blessed Aquanaschild. No, my husband was very selfish with me even in the beginning of our marriage. We were not one at all and he wanted it that way. He also has a very bitter and anger problem. He has had that ever since I have known him. I married him b/c he wasn’t the type to cheat (he has too much control-not very affectionate) I took care of all of my needs while he has stacks of money in the bank. No, it just seems that there is too much water under the bridge…he still has a hateful attitude when my children/grandchildren ever come over which is very very rare, nobody feels comfortable around him.
Sasha, you and Shasha have an excellent answer in combination certainly. Sasha sums it up. Are you both the same people?
God Bless HIS NAME!!!!!
I was trying to choose a best answer and it is difficult for 2 reasons. One, this site is acting as though I am another user instead of the asker. So…the other reason is that there are a lot of good answers here. I appreciate it very much.
But it is true that everyone has their own walk in this world to walk and really no one else can walk it for them. I never in a million years wanted anything to happen to my marriage. It was in very deep trouble from the beginning. My husband was so protective of his possessions. He kept telling me that he knew that I didn’t deserve it but I was going to have to suffer for the rest of my life b/c of what his first wife did to him. He made me sign a prenuptial agreement. We divided our groceries, he bought his, I bought mine. We even had separate cupboards. He use to tell me all the time that I was so lucky that I didn’t have to pay rent. I worked at jobs that deteriorated my health when he had plenty of money in the bank. He is not a warm person
at all. He has never made my children feel comfortable around him. My children like my boyfriend better than my husband. So, I guess that should give me a good clue. Thank you all for your efforts! God Bless You!!!
Shasha you summed it up.
Moving on, you had an excellent answer as well! It is amazing to see all the different perspectives that people have. In the multitude of counselors there is safety. (godly counselors)
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Tagged with: 3 years • anger problem • asker • divorce • feelings for someone • god • grandchildren • hateful attitude • love • marriage • money in the bank • phone conversations • pickle • sasha • stacks of money • struggle • torture • water under the bridge
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Remember that God is love and although you and your husband were married sometimes God doesn’t join everyone together sometimes we don’t always hear the voice of God and we enter into things without consulting him first and were in love with the thought of being married but marriage is something that is not easy and it takes constant work and pray in order to make things work! Understand that I am not condoning the act of cheating on your mate what you need to understand is God has away of showing up and showing out and to all those people who wrote on here and said God has nothing to do with it your wrong he has everything to do with it! You might need to get some space from your current boyfriend and your current husband and take sometime to fall back in love with your self and the father and then ask him not yahoo answers for help with your decision!
no it was too late for him.. He abused me..
So, you basically cheated on your husband and you are angry at him for tracing calls and following you? Seriously, stop and think here…YOU CHEATED! There is no excuse. If you were miserable, you should have filed for divorce, not jump into another man’s arms.
Don’t go back you will just make the torture go on for more years. Get ur divorce and if in the next 2 yrs. you and the bf are still together then marry. Moses gave us the right to divorce and many lovers of God have messed up their lives but God forgives and still loves us.
god doesn’t have anything to do with if your happy now than stay happy it was ment to be. trust your feelings. like i said G.O.D. has nothing to do with it
Your husband is not going to change without counseling, and the fact that you have a boyfriend would only make your husband more distant. If you no longer love your husband, do yourself and him a big favor and move on. Don’t prolong the pain and suffering.
I think that you are in a common misconception… God wants you to be happy, as his child, he wants you to find happiness in your life. It’s apparent that you aren’t happy with your husband. I think you are doing the right thing by getting your divorce and being with someone who makes you happy… however, you need to get your thoughts strait before you endanger your relationship with your boyfriend… if you truely want to be with him, do it.. but don’t hold your marriage over his head, let him know that you want to be with him and no one else. But please, don’t let your religious thoughts taint something that could be a potentially perfect life change… remember God wants for you to be happy..
God doesn’t want you to be unhappy or in a unhealthy relationship either. He wants what is best for you. I don’t know enough about your situation to really say too much more. Did you ever try to talk to your husband about your feelings of neglect before your affair? Did you try?
Good luck!
Stop being such a religious nutjob. Isn’t it obvious that your religious convictions are just making you unhappy? If there really is a God, then why would he possibly want you to be miserable? I don’t believe in God, but obviously you do. Why can’t you just think that all this stuff that has happened to you is God’s plan and his will?
You are on the right path. Your soon-to-be-ex-husband is a psycho. You are better off with this new guy. Be happy.
I know exactly where you are coming from. We are in the same boat. Forget about God’s will or else you will send yourself to hell although you probably think you are there already.
You can’t change your feeling for your bf because you love him. You just need to manage your guilt, accept what has come to pass and move on.
You said it in a nutshell when you said "but I can’t go back".
just relax and don’t blame urself for whatever is taking place in your life…..i m sure u beleive in something like destiny if u beleive in go….so please understand that things will work out the way they have to even if u do not plan for them…..our life never goes as planned it always takes its own course….secondly..a man or a woman never decide purposefully who they fall in love with it just happens…if we were to decide who we fell in love with logically wouldn’t our lives be so much more peaceful….so u falling in love with ur bf is not decided by u it is cicumstantial and we all need to be loved and we deserve at least the happiness of love and need to know that someone cares and also need to know that we can always go home and feel warm with our loved one around…..it was ur husbands fault not to realise ur worth and to let ur heart go and find love somewhere else….isn’t it the responsibility of both the spouses to love???no u want that ur marriage should work out…..the ay u have described ur husband so u think he will ever be able to put this affair behing him and be able to love u???the answer is no…..and u really know it but u just think that u may be wrong….ur husband will always daoubt u and will never trust u again so don’t try to make urself more unhappy…..u found someone to love u and accept u for who u r the way u r….y throw that away????u gave ur husband a chance and he has proved that he could not love u and make u feel warm in 3 years…..and ur boyfriend has done it in maybe les number of days…don’t take an unecessary step towards unhappiness….u will never be able to feel happy with ur husband unless he provides u with more love and care than ur current bf which he will not…and resulting in three lifes being ruined….your husband will never love u the way u want him to…u will never be able to forget ur lover completely and ur lover will be unhappy too….it is best to leave ur husband ad time helas wounds and ur husband will find huis happiness too somewhere else….all the best to u!!!!!!!!
You are married but back with your boyfriend (I’m assuming more than platonic) – and you are concerned that God is upset about a possible divorce?
Divorce is painful and not ideal, but better than what you are doing.
Divorce.
Slow down or your new relationship will end just as the marriage. Be careful – this may be a rebound guy. Make sure this time.
It all begins with Choices.
Sounds like you failed to "marry well" and you were seriously in buyer’s remorse.
Instead of working on the relationship, or even getting out of the marriage, you got involved in an affair that brought it all to a head. This is where one bad decision fails to make right a previously bad decision.
If you were concerned with God, you would fulfill your covenant, which is to God, not to your husband.
So, you should feel guilty, because you showed a complete lack of integrity when you went down the garden path of infidelity. Lots to feel guilty about there.
Now let’s look at it from your new boyfriends perspective. What is to keep him from realizing that as soon as he doesn’t match up to expectations, you will be on the lookout for something new?
All that is to say this. "Your husband has every right to be noisy, distrustful, and hurt. If you really want to do the right thing, you need to work on your integrity first and foremost. You must earn that trust back. But don’t ever expect him to "get over it" cause you sure wouldn’t. It really takes a lot to forgive someone that is unfaithful. It takes even more to go back there and take your lumps in humility.
You know, chances are there are underlying reasons your husband is distant and unemotional with you. He probably needs some help in that arena, but don’t give up on him. Right now, you need to work on you first, and maybe this can be a good thing in your marriage. I have seen that happen, odd as it may seem.
When you make a decision ask yourself, "Could I tell my grandmother about this with a straight face?" The good grandmom, not the one that used to run a speakeasy:-)
I was in the exact same situation six years ago. I even told my then boyfriend that it was over (cause as you, i felt that i needed to work things out with my hubby, since that was who i took vows with) Well that only lasted for three days, the worst three days of my life. I knew then that my marriage was over, that i was truelly in love with my boyfriend. I ended my marraige and my then boyfriend is now my hubby. We are having our five year wedding anniversary in May, and we are still completely and utterly in love ( I still feel like i’m in the honeymoon stage, lol) For me, having an affair was the best thing i ever did (although i should have ended my previouse marriage before i had the affair) but in the end, it worked out beautifully!! Good luck Hun!!
You should appologize to your husband for what you put him through by cheating on him then tell him you are going to divorce him so that he can be free of you because he deserves someone better. I know you probably believe you just made a mistake and are an otherwise good person or that God will forgive you. I cannot speak for God, but trust me, you are evil. You cheated on your husband and do not deserve to ever be happy. You should just become celibate and join a convent and spend the rest of your life selflessly helping others and denying your own happiness as punishment for your sins.
Stalking is not a good thing—although stalking (?) or obsessing? Are you simply annoyed by your husband’s behavior or do you fear for your safety?
Marriage is not easy and there is nothing in the contract that says it will be. The "in love" part comes and goes over the years. That’s why people make a contract when they wed so that long term investments, (such as children, property, retirement, building foundations for future) are not interrupted by human sentimentality. Remember the parts "in richer, in poorer, in sickness and in health" meaning you weather the inclement seasons.
Sounds like you’ve had three years of winter and have been playing hooky in the Bahamas. Put down your Pina Colada and do what’s right. It’s OK to amend your marriage contract as long as both parties agree up front. Let your husband know that it takes two to make a marriage work. His "wanting" you is not enough. Communicate your terms, be flexible and renegotiate your futures together—including a point of termination in the event that one or both of you don’t hold up your end. A good marriage counselor may be able to help you two through this— in fact given the information you’ve provided here, it might be wise to have a third party involved.
BTW—don’t worry too much about the BF. If he knew that you were married when you got involved, then he should have known that their were risks attached. He is as guilty as you and in some states, he could still be held liable in the court of law for criminal conversion (spouse stealing). Most states don’t recognize this anymore, but some still do—and in other countries, the law is still on the books.
Unless you truly fear for your safety, try not to use such powerful language (such as stalking, which connotes criminal activity) when referring to your husband’s reactions. He may be a little obsessive at the moment, and in all fairness, wouldn’t you be too if you thought you were at risk of losing what was promised to you for life?
When in the marrige is getting difficult in the instant needs help such as counseling, but you already trash your husband who choose you as the one. If the marriage situation happend you fight for it, if he get cold put him hot. but if you are not a fighter you are a runner you get what you receive.