Is my marriage worth saving and if so can it be saved?
Is it worth saving? If so, do you think we can make it? Here is the situation. My wife and I have been married for nine years and together for a total of 12 years. We have a beautiful 5 year old son together. Our marriage from the beginning has been kind of rocky. We’ve fought over many issues in our marriage many of these have gone on for years and to this day we still continue to fight over them; for example, household chores. My wife is really messy and lazy when it comes to helping around the house. This is something that I noticed even when we started dating but I just thought it was something that she would grow out of as we got older (we met in college). I learned this isn’t the case. Throughout our marriage I’ve done almost 85% of the chores in the house. This includes the so called male jobs as well as the cooking, washing dishes, washing and folding clothes, paying the bills, filling out the X-mas cards, etc, etc. I’ve asked her many times throughout the years for help and she would just ignore my requests. I don’t think she meant to do it but subconsciously she just didn’t do anything and get back to watching TV or reading her books/magazines. We’ve gotten in some big arguments (tons of yelling and name calling from both of us as well as throwing items) about this issue throughout the years to the point where it seems I resent her. In addition to her cleanliness, my wife is constantly late to appointments (affects me and my son), can’t multi-task (hence why I do all the housework), and must be reminded to constantly clean up after herself (picking up her clothes off floor, turning off lights, fans, etc.). Believe me I’m not perfect but after so many years of arguing over some of these issues I guess I started to resent her to the point where my feeling for her started going away. In addition to this resentment, we have the worst sex life. In fact, we haven’t had sex in probably 2 years (I guess resentment on my end and I’m not sure on her side). We’ve tried a few times in this period but we always end up not being able to go forward. I’m actually kind of “weirded” out by the whole experience anyway. In fact, our sex life hasn’t been good in quite awhile. So this has been my life the last few years. We’ve both have thrown the “D” word several times in the years but have always done so in a heated argument so maybe my wife never felt like I meant it. Anyway, I’ve been out of the house for about a month in an “unofficial” separation. I told her back in July that I didn’t love her anymore and that my feelings for her changed so she asked me to leave the house. Here is the kicker—part of the reason why I finally took the step and told my wife how I feel is I met a women who I’ve been communicating on an emotionally level with since May. We are professional acquaintances but we both have expressed interests in one another and could see us dating if circumstances were different. We didn’t do anything physically but have acknowledged that there is physical attraction on both ends. To make a sincere effort on trying to save my marriage I’ve since broke contact with this women. It was hard but I know it is the right thing to do. In regards to my marriage we’ve tried counseling but so far it hasn’t really been much help. The counselor has given me suggestions on how to forgive my wife for not listening and helping me these last few years and ways to communicate better. The big problem is I’m not sure if my feeling can return back for her. When I think of why I want to stay the reasons tend to point back to holding on for my son. Also I find myself wanting to be single again. Believe me I have no desire to be “pimping” out there like some gigolo but I just want to meet someone who I may be more compatible with. I use to think my wife and I were had so much in common. I guess over the years this has changed. It seems like we have become more and more opposite. Please help. I’m open to any comments and suggestions. THX and sorry for the long story.
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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