Why Can’t I Get Over My Married Lover?
How do I get over my married lover?
I had an affair with a married man almost 3 yrs. ago that lasted about a year. I fell head over heels in love with him and I told him so.
He was the best thing that has ever happened to me. I told him many times that I loved him and he in return told me he loved me. I told him that I was leaving my husband for him and he told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do, but he was not leaving his wife, he loved her.
I want him back so freakin bad, and I have been trying everything to get him to realize that he loved me.
I even told his wife tht he talks to me and tht we were still seeing each other, but I guess tht didn’t work, because he is still with her. I just want all the stuff that he did with me back. He was so sweet and kind and everything that I wanted in a man.
He told me in Nov. 07 that he didn’t want to see me anymore, and that he didn’t want me to call him again, but I did, several times after my Dad died, I just wanted to see him and get one of his hugs. But, he told me that he didn’t want to see me.
I guess that he does love his wife, because whenever I see them togehter they seem to be very happy and loving.
he knows about the affair,(I told her) but she still is with him. I want him back so bad and will do anything to get him back. How can I make him realize just how much he means to me and how much I love him?
He will not answer any of my calls.
Related Information:
Tagged with: dad • Guess • head over heels • head over heels in love • love • Married Affair • married man • several times
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
he loved the excitement that came with that affair, im sorry but if he loved u he would have been with u now
The reason that he is not answering your calls is because he is married and in love with his wife, and has told you not to call him.
You are feeling lonely and upset about your relationship with your own significant other.
In my opinion you need to go to counseling together and find out what happened to the love that you both shared.
And get over Mr. Wrong. Hes married, end of story.
cause you’re a loser that has relationshp issues. seek counseling.
ps. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU. HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU.
HE LOVES HIS WIFE AND DOES NOT WANT TO GIVE HER UP FOR YOU.
ACCEPT THIS.
ACCEPT THIS.
MOVE ON.
MOVE ON.
sheesh.
get it yet or should i keep on w/ the CAPS?
If you don’t let him alone, they’re going to put a restraining order on you! Honestly, you sound like a real bunny-boiler.
This guy is a dick and you are pretty stupid if you can’t see all he wanted from you was sex… he got it, there’s nothing else you can possibly give him now. He obviously is trying to work things out with the woman he loves (who is not you). Move on!!!
God is punishing you for being immoral.
" have been trying everything to get him to realize that he loved me. I even told his wife that he talks to me and that we were still seeing each other, but I guess that didn’t work, because he is still with her"
WOW!!!!!
You need to get over this now. He told you he didn’t want you. The man that you "fell in love with" wasn’t the man you thought he was. He LIED to you just like he lied to his wife.
Trickery – is what you fell into.
You need help.
I can see why he doesn’t want to see you anymore…you told his wife about the affair. Hello! Anybody in there????? What made you think that was going to win him over? He now views you as a mistake. And obviously she’s the one laughing at you, because he’s going home to her now. Bad play on your part of the game. Best to look somewhere else…your problem with getting over him now is because he’s the one who got away.
Your relationship with this man is what you call….OVER. He and his wife have obviously worked though all this together. You need to do the same with a therapist. Have some respect for them but, mostly for yourself.
Hon, you need counseling. He have told you long ago he doesn’t want to be involved with you. It was an affair and he no longer want to be a part of it. Apparently his wife has forgave him and they are working on their marriage.
It’s pretty selfish of you to even try to break their marriage. Leave them be and you need to face your own reality. If you are not happy with your husband, then do him a favor and leave him. Let him find someone else that will love him and appreciate him. What you did to your husband was not right.
Let him go, stop with the phone calls. At this point you are starting to sound like a stalker.
You told his wife?
He *hates* you now.
You will never get him.
He is married. Leave him alone. Women should stick together. If they did then perhaps all these married men wouldn’t cheat. Not saying its just the womans fault cos its not. It doesnt seem that u have tried to get over him. Delete his number. If u know it then ask him to change it so u don’t call him. But don’t do what ur doing anymore think of his poor wife who is trying to make a go of things with her husband. Equally u deserve someone who will treat u well and be all yours. He isn’t that person.
you are not being punished, you are not being stupid- you were not in love with your husband so you left-your lover still loves his wife and so he is not with you-it sucks- you need to try your hardest to move on-this man is not for you and he never will be- please leave him alone and seek your own happiness-he may have loved you in his own way but it is over and you need to mend and move on-there is someone out there who will make you forget all about him-there always is-be smart this time and be with someone who is available to love you like you deserve!-good luck
Ur a dum dum
You did almost everything wrong.
Now do something right and move on.
I hate to be the one ot break the news, but your ex-lover already knows how you feel. What you don’t seem to realize is that when he told you he loved you, that he lied. Oh he may have has some feelings for you, but not the ones you thought he had for you. He just told you he loved you to get into your knickers, and you fell for it.
Sad that you have and are throwing your life away over a lie. Now be a good girl. Learn from your mistake and let him go. You really don’t want him anyway. Even if you got him, odds are he would have found another lover and cheated on you.
You are paying the price for getting involved with a married man. You do need counseling before trying to move on. This is baggage you will take into any relationship you are ever lucky enough to have in the future. You really don’t want to carry it around any longer.
Why buy the cow if he got the milk for free????
He doesn’t love you, and I’m sure you promised him butt sex and that’s why he said it in the first place.
I feel so sorry for your husband though.
Take NO for an answer. He does not want to have anything to do with you. He is happy with his wife. He has asked you not to call or get in touch with him, yet you continue to do so. Stop it. He was honest with you from the beginning and told you he would NOT divorce his wife. What is the problem? There is nothing you can do. It was a fling, it’s over. He does not care how YOU feel about him. Move on with your own life as he has moved on with his.
u can’t get over him because your not facing reality. your not accepting it for what it is. u may need some therapy so u can get someone to help u sort this out. people who don;t face reality run the risk of becoming emotionally sick.
seems to me like this guy loves his wife and wants to make a go of things with her. that means that you are out (and quite frankly, you knew that this was a possibility when you started seeing a married man). the things that you’ve done are a sad, pathetic excuse to get him back. when will it be obvious to you that it isn’t working? it’s been almost two years and i think that it’s time to start moving on with your life. stop calling him. stop calling his wife. all that you are doing is torturing yourself and eventually you are going to find yourself on the wrong end of a restraining order (which will impact your life in a lot of ways that you can’t even imagine right now) or an angry wife at your doorstep brandishing a gun. this does not only happen in the movies.
concentrate on living strong, healthy, and confident. exercise more and eat better. make new friends and find new hobbies. this will help keep your mind off of contacting this guy. you can’t have a relationship if only one person wants it and this guy has told you in both word and deed that he wants nothing to do with you. you have to find a way to be okay with that.
The reason affairs are so enchanting is because they operate in a realm that is not real … a large part of what fuels the excitement is the fantasy element.
Once you told his wife, you brought the affair into the realm of reality. That would have had a very confronting impact, and his relationship with you went from being a deliciously seductive secret to something vile, shameful, deceitful, and dishonourable. At that point, it lost all appeal.
He enjoyed having sex with you, and said whatever was necessary to make that happen. However, he told you from the outset that he loved his wife and was not leaving her. And it’s almost two years since he told you that he doesn’t want to see you anymore and he doesn’t want you to call again. You’ve seen him with his wife, you acknowledge that they seem happy and loving together. Yet still you call!! This is very obsessive behaviour on your part, and most unbecoming. It comes across as clingy, irrational, and desperate. It won’t make him yearn to have you back, the most likely outcome is that if you really don’t stop they will report you and take out a restraining order against you.
You have to stop calling him. You had an affair with him for a year, but now it’s long over. You have to stop deluding yourself that there was anything more meaningful to it … there wasn’t. You mentioned that you were going to leave your husband for him … if you didn’t do that and you are still married, then it is time for you to start reinvesting in your marriage, and devoting more love, time, and energy to your husband. If your marriage is over now though, then you are going to need to reinvigorate your social life to distract yourself from endlessly thinking about this married man who is not yours. Don’t let your own life ebb away hung up on him. You can’t have him, and you must accept it. You can still rebuild a wonderful life for yourself though.
I know how you feel… I am in the same boat. I am not married but I did fall in love with a married man. My only advise to you is.. if you really love him and if he means so much to you, then let him go. It is clear that he wants his wife back and wants to work things out with her. I have put myself in your shoes and sort of hoping he tells me one day not to call him anymore, that way I can move on and I will understand. I know it’s hard, but if you really love him you will let him be happy. My married man does not know what to do; sometimes I think how could I take him back to his wife? we can’t be together and I love him so much that I don’t want him to be lost. I am a sinner I know and deserve any kind of comments. however; all I know is that half of me wants to take him back to his wife and the other half wants to keep him with me. I hope it gets to the point where he can tell me not to see him anymore.. I will do so.
I hope this helps…
I’m seeing a married man as well. But he told me from the beginning that he could never leave his wife, although he’s no longer in love with her. It was hard at times in the beginning, but once I really starting accepting that I could never really be with him legitimately, my feelings, or the intensity of such, starting waning. I still love him deeply, though, and that won’t go away for a long while. It seems, for now, that no one can compare; but I don’t NEED to be with him. We still see each other occasionally, but I’m looking to date others, even if it’s not for love. Also, I’m looking to relocate as I am so over the area I live in now, and some physical distance between us would be so good for me.
Good luck. Once you truly start to accept that this man is not yours to have, life will slowly start opening up new possibilities for you. Hopefully, ones that are healthier and offer more promise. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it can be very difficult and heartwrenching. But remember, if a man really wanted to be with you, nothing would stop him. Really. And that doesn’t make you any less lovable. You’re not a bad person. This is just unhealthy bad behavior that serves you no good.
Well I had this same problem, and let me tell you! The game is over once the wife finds out about the two of you. He probably would have return to you and continued the affair, if you hadn’t confronted his wife. Rule number one! Anytime that you are involved with a man that is attached or married and you still want him anyways……….never approach the other woman or wife….NEVER!!!! Hello!!! Stay back and he’ll come looking for you if he still has feelings for you. This man played his game with you and tested you to see what you would do and sure enough “you failed by calling him up and then telling his wife about your love for him. Rule number two! If a man really wants you he will find a way to get to you, no matter what his situation is (even if he is married). So from now on, always be strong and silent and the stupid married man that’s trying to trick you, will come running back to the stronger more confident woman that can keep herself together and not go insane by running after him. If he doesn’t then let him stay with his wife and don’t call him. He’ll wonder what happened to you once his life with his wife gets boring again and it will!! Good luck to a positive relationship and real love with an available man of your dreams!!!
I recently had a very painful breakup with my married boyfriend. When we started dating 9 months ago, I did find out early on in the relationship that he was married and separated at the time from his wife for 3 years. I asked if he planned to divorce and he said yes in the next year. So, I continued seeing him and we drew closer and closer. I found out the circumstances of his split with the wife…he was unfaithful to her. As we begin to get closer and closer, the wife began calling him more and more and seeing him at their kids events. After he split from his wife he moved in with his mistress for two years. That did not work out and I met him within the next few months after he moved out from the mistress. He has professed his undying love to me and promised that we would someday be married. I believed him and said I would love to be his wife someday. Well, in the end, he decided to go back to his wife and try to give his marriage of 26 years another try. I told him I respected his decision to go back to his wife and that God was shining on his life as he made this decision.
I say all of this to offer my advice on dating a married man. You are setting yourself up for failure. There is always the possibility they will return to their wives. It does not negate the fact that my heart still hurts as I loved him dearly and I know he loved me. However, he was torn about how to handle his feelings for his wife and felt that through guilt and shame that he needed to give his marriage a second chance. I told him I hope and pray that he is going back for the right reasons and is willing to work on what tore them apart in the first place – the cause of the infidelity. So, I had to let him go. I told I would not attempt to contact him or get in the way of he and his wife working on their marriage. It is the right thing to do….let him go!
I am actually a male in the same position. Innocently rediscovered an ex who remarried several times. Said that she loved me dearly and we were always meant to be together – she had made a huge mistake in letting me go and has been trying to find me for years. This was my first true love – my first everything.
I was willing to leave a loving wife of nearly 20 years but before communicating that to the ex, who had asked me if I would do so with a view to leaving her drunk inconsiderate, selfish, loveless other half (her sentiments – I did not know the guy), I told her to make her decision on the basis that I was staying with my wife. She immediately sent me an email ending our relationship, cancelled her email account cut me off all communication and ran back to her husband who she claims to have always been the love of her life. All the problems she told me she was having all of sudden ceased to ever have existed. She did say that we could be “good friends” and has graciously left me access to her Facebook site.
I walk around in absolute guilt because my wife is the greatest and I feel that I should leave her for doing her wrong – this however would devastate her. If I tell her what I have done she will leave and be devastated. I am willing to live with the guilt and hope to make it up to her. I am glad however that I created the test for the ex and her true motives came out. She did not want me, she was merely bored and wanted to be rescued.
I know how you feel, I am going through exactly the same thing but I found that what is helpful is think of all the negatives of the person you have just lost and all of the positives you have, keep reminding yourself of them. You are not a bad person and those who are telling you that you have sinned are probably also those who claim that sins can be absolved simply by walking into a confessional.
It is not wrong to love the wrong person. We must learn from the experience and move on. I have a great friend who tells me off and balances it with loyal support as well – I hope that you can find the same. As for you telling her husband – common people that was an act of desperation (give her a break. The irony is that even as I type, if I were to contact her and tell her that I would leave, she would do the same. In my case, I didn’t want to break up a salvagable marriage so it might be slightly different but think it through. What is the worst that would happen to him. She will kick him out, when the desire is overwhelming, if he cannot find someone better, he will go for you until he does. You are worth more. With that sort of love to give, transfer it to someone who wants and deserves it. If it is not your husband so be it but move on. You are fast moving into the realm of your next regret being all the irrecoverable time you have wasted on him.
Good luck and move on if you have not already. It has only been three days for me and it has been so successful that by the end of the week I believe that I will have the courage to delete our facebook connection.
As for those writing comments. Some constructive support for her please – she needs help to move on and not be a whipping boy for you. She has written for help (probably knowing really what she should be doing) – he is happy now let’s move to doing the same for her.
I am 74 years old and married. Two years ago I met up with my first love who I dated when I was 17. We fell completely in love and have shared many hours together on the phone and met several times for lunch. Sex is not involved. He will not leave his disabled wife as he says she would have to go into a home without him. We love each other so much and he wants us to be married some day. He tells me such delicious stories of his life and has had a much more adventurous life than me. He and his wife have been all over the world where as I have not travelled much at all. I have done nothing at the side of him. He rings me for hours every night whilst we are both in bed as he has his own room and we are in touch several times as well during every day. Whilst he is abroad he still rings all the time, the only thing is I have always to ring him back as his wife does not know he uses his mobile to ring, so whilst I am available to him, I do not have the same courtesy. I love him to distraction but the stress of it all makes me ill, and he suffers from bouts of depression too. We cannot leave each other, the idea frightens both of us and is impossible, but we both feel as though we are going mad sometimes. He evens talks about when he buys our wedding ring and where we will go on our honeymoon. I would so appreciate any views from someone.
What does moderation mean, what do I have to do?
I know exactly what you are going through. I met a guy 2 years ago at my work (his mom was with him). There was an immediate attraction. He asked me out for drinks and my phone number right in front off his mom. After seeing him three times at my work,I agreed to go out with him. He was so charming and we talked about our careers and families (I told him I was still married). He was ok with it and on numerous occasions encouraged me to leave my marriage so we could be an actual couple. After 6 months he began pulling away and withdrawing stating it was due to his dad’s bad health. Then all of a sudden all communication stopped with no reason other than he needed time to think. One year later I find out that he was married the entire time and lied about it to my face. I was devestated by the entire betrayal and wanted to hurt him anyway possible. I contacted his wife on Facebook and told her he had lied about not being married and she had no idea what kind of person she was married to. He contacted my work and told them all kind of lies about me and accused me of stalking him for 2 years. Once again I was devestated by his lies. My heart goes out to you but we both have to pull ourselves together and forget these creeps. They are not worth our energy much less our love. We are both better off without them in our lives. The heartache becomes less over time. Good luck to you!
I meet her ten years ago. I was buying postcards from ebay and yahoo.i noticed that a certain lady had beautiful postcards for sale that were beautiful. I had bought many postcards from her without realizing it. i was a single male who was going thru problems i had with ptsd. I had been in vietnam and had been in combat that along with agent orange was hard on my soul.
It was like i put the puzzle together. I had PTSD bad and felt guilt for the deaths i caused, heck, the north vietnamese i had klled. i was numb and didn’t get out of the house just to go to the va doctors that were treating me. Had just finished a 6 week inpatient PTSD program at cinninnati,ohio well the program worked and i realized i had PTSD. I had a nervous breakdown and been in lock up 4 times before i wrote her.
I learned so many feelings i had hidden by getting drunk after school and work. I had gone to college and then officers school and when it got time to get commissioned i failed the military’s physical prior to getting my bar to be a combat infantry lieutenant. I had found I was numb and she breathe life back into me. well the army let me out and i received a 190% service connected combat pension.
My mother was alive and just found out she had cancer she wouldn’t recover from and the doctor’s send her home to die. Well i had a good job as a surface minecoal foreman and then I worked for the office of surface mining.s he wanted to get married but i had a mother dying of cancer. I paid my little sister to come and take care of mom. My girlfrend was ready to get married but i couldn’t until my mom died. I found out she was married and i told her to get divorce, i would pay for it. i loved that woman right after i found out what love was. she told me she would help me sort out the problems i just found out i had.
Well we didn’t get married and now i want her. she wanted to take her time. her and her husband had a large diary farm. i told her she owed half of it and not go though a no contest divorce. she had children. well i noticed a big change from her, you got to remember the va had a lawyer over my money. It would be 3 years for her to take over my money. i got sudden death and had a device implanted in my chest. since that her daughter had 2 kids so she was grandmother and lived several states from me. Know she seems she doesn’t want to have to be with me.
I love her but know it’s like she has lost all love for me. seems to me she puts distance between us ever chance she gets. I believe now she doesn’t want me. I can’t work but have a full pension that is 100% service connected. i also am home bound and get pay for that.
I love her so much and it seems she doesn’t love me anymore. I’m catholic and I won’t have sex with her until we are married. Every time I mention the fun we had she changes the subject. I think she should be honest and tell me how she feels. I’m getting older and I feel she has lost her love for me. I know I am a man but I never understood life and she’s the first I loved.
I think she’s is gone and she won’t be honest with me.
Thank you for your time
peacejohnny james basso
I met my boyfriend when I was 17 years old. We dated for 3 years and I was pursuing my undergraduate degree when I got pregnant with our first daughter. Two years later I had our second daughter and he was the love of my life. He’s a very successful CEO of a private organization and the love of my life. My first real and true love. Nothing matter in the world except for him and our girls. I loved him dearly.
Six months after I started my first job I travelled on a business trip for the compnay I work for. I was new and so I was introduced to all the directors and managers before the seminars started. The final director who introduced himself and when he shooked my hand and he was the only one to asked what country I came from. I felt my heart literally flattered inside my stomach.
I had no clue what was that but I felt something and when the first break was given he came over and spoke to me. I left the seminar with him on my mind and I couldn’t focus much after. He visited the country I work in 7 months later and I joined him for lunch on last night before he leave. I turned him down earlier becuase I’m not single. We had great chemistry and we kissed…I love that guy with a passion and I wrote him an email daily for 10 months. Then he got married and I was devastated. He called me denying her and said he want her to leave and I cut off communication with him. 7 months later he started contacting me again and the feelings was so strong I never let go. I got married exactly a year later to him and I told him and he wanted to see me on the wedding and I send him a picture and he immediately wanted to come visit me and wanted me to leave my husband. During all this time he said he put his wife out. We were making arrangments for his arrival and I was leaving my husband but there was a part of me that wanted to know…..where is your wife? He got angry said some mean things to me and I cut it off right at that moment. He contacted me four times after that and I never responded.
That was finality for me and letting go is hard becuase I still deeply love him but I keep focusing on the negatives and I don’t ever want to be with him again. I told my husband and I’m working tirelessly at my relationship. I fell out of love with my husband and fell in love with someone else.
I know what you are feeling when you love someone nothing else matter. Be strong and you are not a bad person because of this. Please stop being negative towards her she’s a woman who fell and is still in love a married man. I’m experiencing the same feelings and they can’t seem to go away but I will never contact him again.
Join your family and friends surround yourself with things and people that will have your mind distracted from him. You will be fine.
its making me laugh all these women commenting when theyve obviously never been in the situation- well i have! thankfully i feel im a stronger person because i broke up with my married dude 6 weeks ago and havnt looked back since! i dont understand though why u want him back? you sound like u have issues is what im saying. he told u loud and clear he lives his wife, he did the right thing in ending things to make a go with her. she is the victim here. by revealing all to her and pestering him constantly u are makin theyre marriage stronger. believe me ive done all of that, it never drove him away mind- he never once dumped me, always gave me the ‘i love my wife but im not inlove with her, we sleep in seperate beds and im only there for my kids, its u i love and one day ill summon up the courage to leave and we can be together’ oldest trick in the book as far as im concerned. u should thank your lucky stars he ended it, he did u a favour! now get counselling and move on! you are only harming yourself!
Maybe the married men are not lying when they tell us they love us but they love us at that moment. I’m married 20 years-stale marriage but small kids and honest fear of being alone which I am trying to deal with. I had a married lover for 11 months. He ended up telling his family wife child about me and that he loved me and got kicked out.
He told me he did not love her from the start. He told me her good but mostly bad attrubutes and I could rationalize why he would have been unhappy with her.The thing is he loved his child more than everything. On multiple occasions he distanced himself from me-each time requesting “space” but he kept coming back. This time he is distruaght about his child’s loss of respect for him. He doesnt know what he wants He had told me he can not see me unless he gets divorced. The wife has contacted me bitter and vengeful on several occasions as well as my husband who knows to a degree.
I don’t feel I have to hurt him the way my married BF hurt his family with the details. In the meanwhile I m missing the emotional intimacy with may married BF but I am going on. Keeping busy. We all know it is wrong but someone we justify. Doesnt matter what socioeconomic situation, race, sex, education . We do it because we are missing something deep that we receive from this person. But it isnt real until it is real. Maybe “Space is a good think” In your case, however, he doesnt love you , he doesnt want to be with you , he doesnt want contact so be respectful and stay away.
Go on with your life,Meet someone you can be happy with or work harder on your marriage. The adult part of you tells you your spouse isnt filling your needs and the child part is afraid to be alone. Figure out how to treat that child. This is the advise I have recieved. Good luck
Thank you a bunch for sharing this with all people you actually realize what you’re talking approximately! Bookmarked. Kindly also consult with my web site =). We may have a hyperlink exchange arrangement among us
I have been unhappy since my ex leave me.
i was introduced to one Dr.(gbocotemple)
by a friend he cast a spell on me and
today i have my ex back i’m very
happy.The spell is Love obsession spell
is working he has called me 7 times today
since this morning. He has never called
me these many times during the years we
were together…. I am a believer in your
spells” ….Lynn.
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was to contact you and a request for a specific love spell, and vadoo spell’s powers began to work their magic. My spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, vadoo spell. Words are not enough.contact the great man on vadoospell@gmail.com
First of all, for those of you posting about love or vodoo spells be warned — if you tamper with Free Will then bad karma will come back to you. You cannot make someone love you. No love spells are to be directed towards one person — instead you send out to the universe that you want love to come to you. So people please don\’t mess with magic or vodoo and open portals that you have no business opening.
Now to the original post. Your ex-lover told you he wanted to end the affair and cut off all contact from you. He means it. He wants nothing more to do with you. The fact that you called his wife and told her he was still contacting you was a pathetic, desparate move and it probably only made the husband and wife\’s relationship stronger. I\’m sure she is monitoring his phone records and knows for a fact that you two are not communicating. You entered into a relationship with a married man. That is guaranteed heartache because you are attempting to steal a man that is not yours to steal. His emotions are with his wife, his physical presence is with his wife, his finances are with his wife. His LIFE is with his wife. You were nothing more than a fling that went horribly wrong.
Try to gather some pride and self-esteem and work on the relationship that you are in. Do not contact this ex in any way shape or form. Just forget about him and let him get on with his life.