How can I save my marriage?
I have been married for just over 9 years. No kids. My wife recently found out about my four month affair with another married woman. It was mainly texts and about 6 face to face encounters. We only had sex once. But that was once too many, I admit. I love my wife with all my heart and don’t even think of the woman who I had the affair with. My wife says she wants a divorce and is tired of my accusations and criticizing her of having relationships with her guy friends. She says she’s been unhappy the last 2 years. Now this. I have apologized to her, the one I had the affair with, and the the husband of the one I had the affair with. I believe I have done the first step in realizing that I want to save my marriage. Second I have apologized and continuously do on somewhat of a continuous basis as our conversations have been just text since I’m away from home for work, overseas, for another 2 weeks. She says I would do it again if we stayed together but I assured her, that I would not. She has told me it’s over and to quit communication w/ her and to leave her alone. Not sure if she’s talked to an attorney yet or not.I love her with all my heart and don’t know what else to do or say. I don’t want to buy her anything fancy as she’ll think I’m trying to buy her back. I’ve come to a fork in the road and don’t know what direction to go to from here. I don’t know if I should give her time to be alone the next 2 weeks or so, or continue communication via texts but it has ended in "leave me alone" after every short conversation in the last week. I need direction of what "I" should and need to do in your response. Thanks for your time and advice.
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Tagged with: accusations • continuous basis • conversations • divorce • fork in the road • guy friends • heart • love • marriage • married woman • relationships • texts • thanks for your time
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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my husband just did the same thing to me..I feel like I am watching my own life here …why why do men cheat? If you loved your wife you would never have done that in the first place…you have done all you can. I can’t feel like I can trust my husband again either…the trust is broken…he is trying to make up and its been since new years eve…I came home from my night job unexpectedly and caught them both…I just don’t feel the same anymore and I can’t fake it…I don’t even want him to touch me…my advice to you..is take the steps on your own and say ok..I will file for the papers and try reverse psychology..maybe she will realize that she will miss you..you seem sincere but my husband is also verbally abusive and doesnt present a team effort in our marraige so….I don’t see it working…period…thats the only advice I can give you…good luck and learn from your mistakes..a woman isnt stupid..we always find out some way or another.
Ricky..your advice has some valid points but mostly is B/s..my husband did prevent me from leaving the house ..that is kidnapping…and he took my cell phone that is also illegal..men are stronger than women and we need court protection..how many women..ie: oj..and Nicole..have had it out and who paid the ultimate price..with the courts protection…your point is moot…and you give bad advice.
Leave her alone already! What you’re doing is pathetic.
I don’t think it can be saved once trust is broken. Maybe with the right counseling, but it’s not easy to find someone who would be dedicated at helping to repair the marriage. Both partners must be willing to try. It sounds like she is not.
you are saying that u love her so much how come u cheated on her then if u love her so much she is right
well telling her you wont do it again and letting time prove it to her are 2 different things.
Fight for your wife. She is worth fighting for, if you are serious about your relationship with her then fight.
I must’ve seen this Q like 20 times already.
Dude, apologize to her and let things handle itself. If it doesn’t, then move on.
I know by my experience that shes sick in her gut, to the point she cant breathe at times cos of this kinda sh1t. However its worse in your case , cos she didnt do anything to deserve it, i did.
The only thing you can do is tell her the other woman meant nothing and that you lost ur mind for a bit lol
Never do this sh1t again if she does have the heart to forgive you, it hurts to the f*cking core man. She will always get disgusted when she thinks about it and she will. My husbands affair happened over a yr ago and i still wont let it go. So you better love her like you say cos its gonna be a rough road lol AND it wouldnt hurt to buy her nice things at this point you have to do what u have to do.
I’ll be honest with you. LISTEN REALLY GOOD. This is how guys get screwed. The best thing you can do is Look out for your ass right now. Protect yourself.
Your going to be dealing with a Vindictive Woman now. She is Very dangerous. You screwed up, Forget it. The least of your problems.
If you keep texting her, it’s all in writing for the Courts and will be used against you.
If you keep calling her and texting her, she will slap you with a Protective order for harassment. Think Not, a protective order is served every 42 secs. The courts hand them out like candy for women.
*** hang around here awhile and learn from women.
Think you are just trying to reach out to your wife. In the eyes of family court you are harassing her. She stated to leave her alone.
A vindictive women will play the courts like a fiddle and they will beat you like a redheaded stepchild.
Whatever you do. Stop the text. Assume phone calls may be recorded. Keep your head, Never say anything that is stupid or can be twisted as threatening her. If she screams at you on the phone or in person, Leave or hang up. If you become frustrated and raise your voice to her. She or her lawyer will be visiting a judge claiming she is afraid of you. You will be banned from the house or from contacting her, with threats of jail for you.
You can bet your soul that she will be telling her lawyer & a judge how you physically, mentally and emotionally abused her for 9 years. Not your sweety pie, it happen everyday.
You have time, Find and talk to a good divorce lawyer. He will advise you of how to handle going back to the house. She’s emotional and p-off and will think nothing of getting fired up, next thing you know she calls 911, claiming you stopped her from leaving, stood in her way. She might put a few scratch on herself and say you did it. The oldest trick in the book.
* Getting you arrested is sweet revenge. It’s what she wants, the police want and it’s exactly what Family court wants. Your lawyer will agree with what I just said. Ask your lawyer why.
Slap yourself 4 times and forget thinking with your heart, Think with your head. This is the prime time how the women get over on you. Your emotional and thinking stupid. You might save your marriage, maybe not, just protect yourself at all times.
You need to call a Lawyer so you don’t do anything or say anything you will regret
Assume she already has a great lawyer and they are hard at work painting you, as an abusive, unstable man.
**** Never assume for a minute, Your Love or the Truth has anything to do with Divorce, lawyers or courts.
Vindictive women can ruin your life and will glady do it.
**** Mark, I wish every word I wrote wasn’t so. If you don’t believe me I would gladly direct you to a number of web sites & resources to back up what I’m telling you.
*** Mystacall, You think my advice is a joke? You think anything this guy does or says won’t be twisted by a Lawyer and an angry woman? You are sadly mistaken.
Protective orders are handled out without a drop of proof of anything. They are served on just the words of a woman at an emotionally charged time, " I FEAR, are the magic words. In fact this is done without the guy present to defend himself. It’s done in secret. Sound unfair? They work great for the guy in court. Now that he is Painted an unstable, violent wacko that needs to be restrained by the courts. The woman looks even better as the victim of his violent rage.
*** I hope I covered all the feminist correct buzz words. Rage, Violent, Unstable, anger. O forgot Male aggression.
What does a protective order mean for man. Banned from his wife, his kids & his home & label unstable & violent. Great for your career & future. Looks good to friends & family too.
Should we lie and say this isn’t an incentive for women to grab the house and custody of the kids? That women don’t use protective orders to destroy their ex’s reputation? There so rare in divorces right or rocky relationship ? Every 42 seconds.
Consider my advice the Man’s verison of the battered husband syndrome.
Men are getting smarter and we are learning to beat ya at your own B/S game.
Mystacall, I’m not sorry for exposing the truth, that you wish to hide. Don’t like a guy getting the edge, being informed, better he is unprepared, head spinning and in the dark. Let him fall into the traps. Don’t like a man to be Empowered, do ya. Naw! Times a changin!
* Knowledge is power.
Why did you cheat on someone that you love? Did you forget that you loved her? She’s going to have a hard time getting over this if she ever does. The trust is gone and I don’t no if she will ever get it back for you. If she’s been unhappy for the last two years, then it sounds like you don’t have much of a chance. Sorry to be so blunt.
First of all, being somene who has been repeatedly cheated on by my then boyfriend turned now husband of a little over 3 years, you suck dude. Really, you do. My hubby cheated and cheated. I let him beat me down so much mentally and emotionally that I had no self respect left. We then married against my gut feeling, married alittle over a year, got preg., had a son, who is 15 months old, and now things are good. Great husband and wonderful father. Being preggers amde us. He works hard, but all the good that he does now will never erase what he did before our marriage and before our son. I love him, but I know that one day his infidelity will rear its ugly head again. I don’t hold that against him. Although, I did for a while. You have already broken that bond with your wife. You have already done the hardest part…..actually f**king someone for the first time besides the woman you vowed to be faithful to. That line has been crossed. Once you cross it it’s a whole lot easier the next go round to do it again and she knows it. I am a believer that someone can change for the better and learn from their mistakes, but the odds are stacked against you! You work away from home, you are gone a lot of the time (and you don’t have a job that’s close by so you have to come every night), she will have no clue what you are doing, and number one obstacle…..as long as you hold a job that you can not be home with her every night, she will never trust you again…….ESPECIALLY if you did it while yor were out of town! We, women, over analize everything. I bet that she can just imagine you being with her intimately. It’s what we do. You have seriously hurt her and I proud of her for standing up for herself and knowing that she deserves better than someone who will risk everything for a one night stand!!! You say you only had sex with her once, right? Do you honestly think that she believes that? Whether it’s true or not, but seriously??? When I found out, AFTER we were married, that he cheated maybe up until the day of the ceremony, we’d been married over a year and I was 3 months preg. I had to decide whether to forgive and hopefully forget or to give up and not give us as a soon to be family a chance. I chose to stay and have not regreted it. But it happened that way for us. He didn’t cheat while were married…I never gave him the opportunity to (I trust him now, but there is ALWAYS doubt, but if he did I would be gone in a second. You are going to have to have to give her time. If you love her the way you say you do…prove it. That doesn’t mean try for a week or two, it means not giving up. Actions speak louder than words. Change your job to a local one to start. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can learn some lesson from this. It took me almost 3 years to get over it. If she does take you back, which will be a long and hard process, you better realize what you have while you got it this time. Good luck….you seem like a genuine guy.
To be honest, I do not think you can. How is your wife to believe you love her if you cheated on her? One could not and would not even entertain the idea of cheating if they sincerely loved someone.
For me, do not lie to me, cheat on me or hit me, everything else we can work out. Sorry, but you blew it big time. It would be best if you do as your wife asks and leave her alone. She is hurt and if you are lucky not beyond forgiving you in time, but once trust is lost it is hard to regain. My best to you.
Each relationship is very commalitiated and different. First here are some reasons why people have afaire’s with others. Because they start caring for the with person they are talking to. Because the person that you are in the marriage with you are afraid to share something that you are holding back emotionually because you don’t want to hurt the other person because you love them too much.
Sound of all if you want to save the marriage you should give her about a week of space. Send her flowers from 1800 flowers and two tickets to a restarant.
This is what you say, Dear ………
I am very sorry for my stupidiudlity. I took some time to think about my actions and I am not happy about them. I am relazing that if I was a woman I wouldn’t want to talk to me eather. I know you probably don’t want to hear this right now but there is an actiale about men and that about 60% of men make actions before thinking and I am the present that did this. I am so ashamed of what my actions have cased. You to pill away from me. You ask yourself if this is what I really wanted and your answer is no. If you forgive me? I am not asking you to.I want you to but I wont ask you to but I don’t have a right to.
Here are reason why I would want you to. I miss you like the wind when it blows. I close my eyes and think of you, as my heart beats faster. That never happened with her. I still feel tingling throughout my whole body when I think about you and I speeding our lives together forever. I know now that with my actions it will take time but I am welling to change for you and show you that you are the only star that keeps me shining, lighting up my soul. So please, meet me at this restaturant for the 6 years that we had just to talk that is all I am asking. Please…..
Please take theses flowers knowing that this is the meaning of your breauty looking down at me. The flowers light the nature we had within our relationship. I am sorry if I ruded that but give us a chance to talk it through, That is all I ask for.
That my friend is how you make up with a relationship. When you get to the restarant get in a talk about how you feel. Ask if you and her would be welling to go to marriage countiseling for the both of you. See what happens. This well mostlikly work if it doesn’t I am sorry to say she needs more time to herself.
You need to get ride of the other woman. "STOP TALKING TO HER!" if you mean that you really want to save the marriage. Make what I wrote with the tickets. Be welling to really change for her and don’t just say it like an ASSHOLE would.
In the restartant if she gives you a dirterty look say please I am only homan and people make mistakes. I was honest with you and I want to change some guys dont even want to do that. I still love you and I understands if it will take time but from my half I feel I want to make it workout please I am welling to listen please tell me your half on how you feel.
If all goes well just kiss her and hold her hand, kiss her hand, pay for her, and open the door for her look in her eyes and brush your hand on her side of her face.
If all goes really well tell her that you want a family some day.
Good luck hope this works for you. Weath a try if you love her in the ever lasting way. Like you say you type on here. Tell me what happens.
All me regreads
Marcey
Remember admiting you are wrong is the first step.
Mark, let’s face reality here. You screwed up. If she doesn’t want to forgive you there’s no reason why she would have to. And, after being married to you for nine years, I’m sure she knows you by now.
She probably hasn’t been having a relationship with guy friends and is sick of your accusing her of it as well as sick of your screwing around on her. Can’t say that I really blame her.
Mistakes do happen. You have taken a huge step in fixing this, but there is so much more to do….. you can still save your marriage.
Your finished… it will never be the same, next time you might think about the consequences before you act…once a cheater, always a cheater…