Husband Doesn't Work?
My husband doesn’t work and I am working full-time. We don’t have enough money to go out and we are 8,000 dollars in debt. He hasn’t worked in 2 years and seems to not mind a bit. I told him it was okay, since he helps me at home with my 2nd job. If I ask him to work, he will tell me that he is going to wash dishes and doesn’t know how long he will last before he drops dead. He may or may not get a job and if so, may be very miserable. Is my marriage worth saving. I have a son who is 10 years old and I hate to hurt him. He is not his biologicle father and isn’t too attached, but has disabilities. I also take care of my mom. I need his help around the house and taking my son to school. Also, I am persuing a new career and studying at a university. Any ideas?
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Tagged with: 10 years • disabilities • dishes • full time • job • marriage • mom • money
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Do you love this guy?
Whatever, that is up to you to figure out and if you don’t bye bye. If you do…
What costs are associated if any in his working? Can you do all the things he is doing now while doing the things you already have on your schedule?
Can an alternative schedule save time and money and make working actually worth something. My wife ended up staying home because we figured all she did was work to pay the sitter. No point working yourself for nothing right?
It isn’t easy to not be bitter when your the only one dragging in the money and you can’t see everything the other is doing for you…
get a job and tell heim to get a life
get rid of the sponge
have u checked the batteries
tell your husband to get a job,or else?
Apply for scholarships, government help, etc. then drop him and get a trusted caretaker to help you.
honey?, is that you?
I would NEVER take care of a man
If he isn’t dying then make him get a job. It sounds like you are burning the candle at both end and need a break though. Something has got to give. Sorry to hear that life is not treating you well right now but if he is just there for the food and free living then you can afford to lose him.
Tell him to get a job. You’re working 2 jobs to support his lazy butt! If he wasn’t around you would have more money and more time to do the things taht you want to do. He needs to grow up and get a job. I have no respect for people who leech off of other hard working individuals.
I would dump his ass as you don’t seem to really be that into him as it is. And you are already supporting your family. Do what’s best for you. Good luck.
drop that looser and focus on you and your son!!!
Go buy yourself some football cleats and punt his sorry ass to kingdom come.
it sounds like yo have a lot on your plate and a very little help, he might be depressed but he neds to get off his butt and get a job. He is not going to do anything about it since you are picking his slack.
See what happens if one day you get home and tell him that you quit your job and you are going to wash the dishes now.
Finish school and then get a good job and then dump his dead beat as*
I would make the effort to save your marriage by going to some counseling. You need to tell him straight out how you feel. If he isn’t okay with working at all, even after you explain your feelings to him, then I may consider looking for a man that has and wants financial stability. It takes 2 incomes usually in a household to afford anything and you shouldn’t be the one working BOTH jobs.
You have a lot going on around you and you need someone who will be there physically, emotionally, aswell as financially. It takes money to do anything no matter what it is, it seems.
Talk to him first, then suggest marriage counseling so that you both can work things out and bring in more money to secure your lifestyle.
I wish you and your family the best!
i just answered your other question about him not eating your cooking? And he doesn’t work either? geezzzzz… he should be cooking you dinner!
If he is helping with you son and mom plus the house work. He’s doing quite a bit to help you. Maybe when you start your new career, perhaps the extra money will help.
if my husband didnt work for 2 yrs I’d drop him off at a corner and tell him to have fun cause he wouldn’t be coming back to my house. He is the MAN of the house and you shouldnt have to be doing this all yourself. Taking the responisbility for the home is awesome but when you get home and that house is sparkling clean…Will your mortgage company take that as payment, his good housekeeping skills? I don’t think so. He needs to step and take care of his family. If he’s not willing to do that, I think it’d be time for him to hit the road!
I think he should be helping you out financially, after all, he is part of the family. He is helping you with your son and that is great, but he should be able to help out at least some financially.
This may be the unpopular answer but… there are some people who are just not suited to the workforce. However, even then, he should be a full-fledged "house husband" (that means YOU should NOT have to lift a finger in the home) AND he should get some time of part-time job which he can tolerate. If he can not agree to even this, than I agree with the previous answerer, get rid of the sponge. Good luck!
EDIT: I just read your other two questions about your husband. And I think I’m going to revise my answer to: kick him to the curb!!!
Deal with the real issues for a change.
Is he depressed or simply and addict/alcoholic? It has to be one of those two.
Good luck.
MY IDEA IS YOU SEEM TO BE DOING EVERYTHING ANYWAY, SO WHY DO YOU NEED THIS LOSER HANGING AROUND? IF YOU ARE ASKING US, OBVIOUSLY, YOU REALLY DON’T LIKE THIS CREEP TO MUCH EITHER-DUMP HIM-YOU’LL DO MUCH BETTER IN THE LONG RUN-I GUARANTEE IT!
You should put it to him like this If he loves you and wants to be free of debt he needs to get a part time job at least so that his checks can go to making payments on the debt. Stay in school THATS where you & your son’s future really is. When you guys get the debt down to a reasonable level & you’ve got your degree reasses your situation and if he still wants to be lazy leave him. I would also suggest getting a bank account without his knowlegde and putting as much money as you can aside in that account. Dont get a debit card to it or checks and dont feel guilty about it he doesn’t feel guilt with you doing all the work.
leave him. if you are worried about hurting your son by doing this…think about it this way, what is your son learning from this man? do you really want this man to be your son’s example of what a father/husband should be? you made need his help with things, but it sounds like you work hard and deserve a better partner. i would move on before he completely sucks the life out of you.
It seems to me that you are a busy person and everything is taken care of by this man that is doing most of the home work. At least he is not sitting around doing nothing, taking your money and have women calling and going in and out your house while you are at work. I had that happen to me. Maybe he is sick and you don’t know it. 8,000.00 is not allot of money. Tell him, when you are done studying and the debt is paid down alittle, then he need to go to work. Then you will be in much greater debt, with care for your mother, son, the home and the 2nd job at home. You should really tell him thanks for all that he does.
I bet you also volunteer at school, host family holiday parties, have taken in at least 3 stray pets and jump for a friend that needs help.
Rachel. You can’t do it all! He doesn’t work and you have a 2nd job???? He doesn’t help in the home? Of course he isn’t going to get a job, things have been fine for 2 years now. You need to learn how to say "No". Even if it’s just sometimes. If you keep going at the pace you are none of it will matter, you’ll be sick. My idea is this. Tell him to get a job or get out. You’ll find a way to get your son to school. If that’s all he’s doing then it shouldn’t be too hard to figure it out. He at least needs to be pulling his own weight, somehow. If not financially, your home should be spotless and your meals should be cooked, the shopping should be done and your son should be well taken care of. You need a wife! lol. You are doing a lot to better yourself. If you don’t think he’s going to line up with your goals then boot him. Good luck..and for the love of God, take a day off!
Make yourself a pre-arranged plan.
Find alternative ways to get your son to school .. and for help with him. And with your Mom, too.
You can tell him .. that no one knows how long it will be before anyone drops dead.
Really think if you want to live with a man who probably will never get a job. If you don’t .. then it sounds evident that you could take care of you, your son, your mother – without him .. your husband could be another liability.
If your husband is able to work … then consider on insisting that he get a job. If he continues to refuse to get a job .. or just simple don’t get a job … then decide if you want to live this way for the rest of your life … or not.
If you don’t .. then put your pre-arranged plan into action.
Think of what your future would be like without him in your future … versus …. now.
Your have choices. Only you, knows what will be best for your life.
If you are unhappy … then try to find happiness. Happiness will show on you .. and on everything else that you do.
I think you need to talk about it with your husband. You need to make him realize that he has to play his part in your marriage. But first you need to know why is he the one he’s now. Two years without work is a lot dear. If you really love him, and want to work out a way without letting him go, i suggest you tell him to help you help him. You want to him work and don’t stick with dishes, you may have to morally support him to come out of this miserable living of his. You need to be stronger in your heart and in your mind and you need to make him believe that he would do good if he do some kind of work. And you have to have faith in yourself that you can make it happen. And you will. But it’s all you, and you alone that can make it happen. Its your choice to do it, and its alone yours. May God be with you.
he sounds like an unmotivated sponge. Get rid of him unless you enjoy working so hard to support someone who is lazy. some women dig dudes like that. I definitely wouldn’t though.
Thank you for taking care of this looser. if you didnt that would make one more criminal out on the streets.
Sounds like your husband is very selfish and thinking only of himself.
Don’t ask him, TELL HIM, to get off his LAZY BUTT and get a job, that your sick and tired of trying to do it all yourself, because you can’t. You need help.
He needs to realize that he needs to be a man and live up to his responsibilities at home and help to provide for his family.
If it was okay like you told your husband, then why you asked this question?
I was wondering how different people will response if the person who asked this question was a wife not a husband.
Does he has any problem like depression? Can you both work this out?
Look on the bright side, he are helping you with your another job, helping around the house, with your son and your mom. For me, that is something. The fact that you are free to pursue your career path and further education-do you realize how lucky you are?
Open up and talk things through with your husband if you still love and want him.
Good luck!
Tell him you no longer are wanting him to stay home, that the financial stress is really getting to you. If he doesn’t change (not too likely), divorce him. You don’t need the stress and this isn’t a two-way relationship. Good luck.
I don’t think people should divorce. Try
to make your marriage work.