Is there any way to make yourself fall out of love someone who is not good for you?
I am 40 y.o. and have only truly been in love once before I met this man, I’ll call him Cliff. My first "in love" experience hurt me so bad – I swore I would never fall in love again. Since then, I have been in a few relationships, and loved the men, but have not been IN LOVE with them – not even my husband of 10 yrs.
When i met Cliff, I was not attracted to him at 1st,. He had brain cancer, and survived.The first few months were great, but for over a year now, it has been pure hell. He is jealous, insecure, accuses me of all kinds of crazy things, including that I know all his neighbors and they are in cohoots with me, and let me know his every move. Weird. is a brain cancer survivor. I sometimes wonder if that has anything to do w/ his psychosis.
Anyway, I am still in love, but I no longer even like him. I almost despise him, but keep going back cuz I am so in love w/ him.
I don’t want to be in love w/ him anymore. Is there I can do to help myself fall "out of love"?
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Tagged with: brain cancer • cancer survivor • cohoots • crazy things • hell • love • love quot • neighbors • psychosis • quot • relationships
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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i don`t think so.
if you are not in love , you will go away from him and let him go on his way.
i think that this is a beautiful romance that the 2 of you have together.
especially because of his illness…
if you wanna to run away…it is so easy…
just let him go and find you selves another men…
but, the question is :
what you will loose and what you will get.
take a break, a moment 4 you and i hope that everything would be just fine and nice for you.
wish you good luck.
thats not love thats a bad habit.
Nothing you’ve said sounds like love…..Distance yourself from him!
Are you really in love or is it just that have you always felt sorry for him and hoped that you could ‘help’ him recover? Do you worry that if you did break up with him and something happened to him you would feel guilty? I am sure you care for him greatly in a loving way and you can continue to do so as ‘good friends’. Distance yourself slowly….
There’s a very good chance that Cliff’s behavior could be the result of the brain cancer coming back. Is he being checked regularly?
Now here’s the hard part. You say you love him. How do you define love? When you truly love someone you love them without judgment. You love them even when they hurt you. You love the true person they are and you’re able to look past the surface stuff and see the goodness in them.
This doesn’t mean you have to stay and take their crap. You have to love yourself more. You have to love yourself enough to respect yourself and to keep yourself safe. You have to love yourself enough to say no when someone you love is disrespecting you. You have to love yourself enough to set some healthy boundaries and to not let anyone cross them. You have to honor yourself at the same time you love others.
What Cliff is doing is driving you crazy. You know his accusations are false. The brain cancer history is probably a contributing factor to his actions. If he is not seeing a doctor regularly, urge him to do so. His paranoia may be signaling a return of the cancer. Or it may be a side-effect of whatever medication he’s on. Or it may just be his innate personality. You say you don’t like him anymore but you love him. I suspect what you’re really saying is you love him but you don’t like his actions.
Now you have to decide how much you truly love him. Are you willing to stay with him in spite of his actions if they’re related to his brain cancer? Are you willing to walk away to preserve your own sanity? Do you love this man enough to see him through the hard times? Do you love yourself enough to say no, you won’t subject yourself to his insulting accusations? If the brain cancer were not a factor would your decision be different?
I told you this was the hard part. You’re in a difficult situation but I believe you already know what you want to do. Do what feels right to you. Will you stop loving him? Probably not. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being with someone who is acting the way he acts? Only you can answer that question.
To fall out of love, if love is true won’t happen. What you can do is decide what’s best for both of you and act based on that. If you no longer want to think about him, every time he comes into your mind, replace that thought with another one. Do this on a regular basis and eventually you won’t think about him as much. If you are prolonging things because you’re still seeing him, stop seeing him. Eventually you’ll forget about him. But I would urge you to really think things through first so you can do whatever it is you decide with a clear conscience.
Well if your married it is harder to leave because this would be considered a major disability. But you do have to look out for yourself if he is being abusive. It’s common for brain damage to affect a person’s personality. You may have liked the person he was, but you do not like the person he has become. If your married to this man seek marriage counseling and get these issues out in the open. If your not married to this man tell him you care about him, but you can not deal with how much he has changed. If it does not change just walk away. You can not put yourself in a position that you are being abused he may be just insecure, but that is no reason why he should be a butt. He should be making the most of what little time he has left and not dragging others down to his level of misery. I hope this helps you.