My husband had an affair with my best friend…What should I do?
I just found out through a saved e-mail on my husbands phone that he had a 4 month affair with my best friend whom I’ve known since grade school. I would never in a million years suspected that this happened.

My husband is nice guy,charming, good looking, he absolutely adores our 3 year old daughter, volunteers as a YMCA coach, has an amazing job. He’s like the poster man for perfect husband. Maybe this is why I’m so shocked.

The weird thing about this is that my friend was the one who introduced my husband and I. They were good friends in college, studied abroad together, interned together, I think his mom to this day still likes her better than me. She said they were just friends so I made a move on him. We hit it off…fast-forward 6 years and we’re married with a 3 year old daughter.

The worst part of the story is their e-mails. It wasn’t just a fling, hes in love with her. Apparently she ended things and he all but begged her not to.

He says he’s “utterly in love with her”, thinks he always has been, she says what they’re doing is wrong. He says, he loves the sound of her voice, the way she looks at him after they make love and the way they can talk for hours about anything. She says the feeling’s mutual, but reminds him that he’s married, he says it isn’t fair to stay married when he’s in love with someone else. She says he made vows, he says he already broke them, he feels horrible for what he’s doing to me, but he can’t help the way he feels, he says he’s never been unfaithful before, he wishes things were different, wishes he could change the way he feels.

He says he wishes he could go back in time and do everything over again. (Pretty much saying he wishes he never married me). She says she feels awful too, but they can’t be together. She says regardless of what has happened she loves me, she says our lives and families are too intertwined, it could never work . She says she can’t be responsible for my broken marriage.. doesn’t want to lose me as a friend….it pretty much goes on like this for a while.

Sorry for the Essay, but I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this. We all pretty much have the same circle of friends.

I don’t know what to do. Should I confront them? A part of me is tempted to send all of their e-mails out to everyone we know in one big massive e-mail, but I think I’ll regret that in the morning. Another part of me thinks that if they’re so damn in love with each other they should just be together. (Yes, i know that’s pathetic). If he leaves he’ll definitely want custody of our daughter. His dad’s a judge, he’s a lawyer he’ll have the upper hand there.

Maybe I should just pretend I never saw the e-mail. The affair has been over for about a month and 1/2 , my friend has been distant (now I know why), things with my husband are normal although he’s been a little distant as well, I though it was just his job ( he doesn’t know that I know about the affair). It makes me numb knowing that he’s in love with someone else. If it wasn’t for our daughter he probably would be begging her to run off into the sunset with him right now. I’m so confused. I want to hate them, but I still love my husband….is that weird. Do I tell him that I know, stay, leave? I don’t know what to do anymore.

Sorry again for the length.
Please don’t answer if you already did…I guess I just still don’t know what to do.
I already copied the e-mails. I guess I don’t really think he would take my daughter away from me, but It is better to be safe than sorry. We do have a prenuptial agreement, I’,m not worried about him divorcing me and leaving me in a cardboard box. I have a job as well.

If I sound calm it’s because I just recently saw the e-mails, I guess it hasn’t fully sunk in. The thing is the e-mails were saved to his phone, he doesn’t have a password on the phone. I’m starting to think that maybe he wanted me to find the e-mails. Shouldn’t they have been deleted. You don’t leave something incriminating like that on you cell phone. God, I don’t know. Thank you for you advice. I truly do appreciate it.

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