I want to save my marriage..please help?
My husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years and I thought everything was great until about 2 months ago he had some form of a midlife crisis (hes only 36) about how we dont have kids (I cant) and he feels worthless etc..so we got passed that now about every other day he just turns off towards me..he’s made comments that really hurt just last night he said if he doesnt feel better soon he’s going to leave. Feel better about what? He’s harping on arguments we had early in our relationship. Almost as if it just gives him a reason to not care. He says he loves me wants to be with me but he does not show it. I cry constantly I love him with all my heart and all I want is to make him happy. I am so confused and I want to fix it, I’ve tried being sweet, listening, making his favorite food..everything..when i tell him how i feel it makes it worse. I need ideas..help..he says everything will be fine but how I can I live my life with no affection or love I feel so alone now and it would be nice just for him to make some effort..any suggestions… is this marriage going to last? is it worth saving? Neither one of us have ever cheated so I don’t understand where things went so wrong.
just to add.. I’d love to adopt but he has something against wants his own blood for whatever reason. He went from feeling bad about not having kids to now he says he’s to old to have kids and doesn’t want them. It’s been a roller coaster kind of couple months. For example right now he’s been talkative and funny..but give it a hour I’ll be in tears again. he says we don’t need counseling we’ll be fine but I like the suggestion of going on my own…
He’s 36– I’m 26..so no I am not starting to age 
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Tagged with: 3 years • affection • counseling • favorite food • heart • love • marriage • Marriage Help • midlife crisis • relationship • roller coaster • suggestion
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I don’t want to be too "Christian" but try watching "Fireproof" It is amazing!!! Watch it first if you want but i encourage you to watch it together. Try going to "fireproofmymarriage.com" (I think that’s right) and also have you considered adoption? I am adopted and so is one of my brothers because my parents couldn’t have kids- until 16 years of marriage!! LOL! There are a lot of things on adoption out there. In case you don’t know much about it there is open and closed adoption. open is where you can have contact with the birth family. That is what i have and i wouldn’t do it any other way. And don’t worry about not loving the child as much as you would your own – once you have it it doesn’t matter if it came from you or not!!!
I hope this helps! Oh and for more personal stories on adoption, try googling "the hudgeon family."
he’s being a jerk, you dont deserve that, leave his ass
You CANNOT fix him.
Tell him that you can’t live like this, and if he wants this marriage to work, he needs to get to a counselor with you.
If he says no…..find a good divorce attorney
Get some counselling ASAP.
There are alot of issues going on, you both need to get everything out on the table and get some help to get back on track.
If you can’t have a child, then maybe he’d like to adopt?
Takes 2 to fix a marriage. If he’s this confused about how he feels maybe he should pack and go somewhere else for a while to rethink his priorities.
There’s thousands of children waiting to be adopted in a loving home, being a parent is much more then carrying a foetus for 9 months.
Every marriage has it’s rough patches. Have you considered marriage counseling? Your marriage deserves every opportunity to work, which means trying couseling. If he isn’t willing to try, then maybe he’s not in it for the long haul. Best wishes.
Of course it’s worth saving. You married for life, right? Instead of fighting with your spouse, fight for your marriage. Get marriage counseling. If he won’t go with you, go alone.
alright well i might be able to help. if you cant have kids meaning you are unable to have kids he should respect that about you he should love you no matter what just like his vows said through sickness and health.. he needs to stick to that and pull his head out of his rearend and fix his own problems that he obviously has deep inside… but about him bringing back the past seems to me that he is guilty of something like he is mad at himself for some strang reason,,, something that he hasnt told you so he finds every little thing to get into an argument because he feels he is a failure … it sounds to me he could have some skeletons .. talk to him hun:)
-Try going on a vacation. Maybe a change in scenery will help.
- If he does not want to adopt, try being foster parents.
- Try a counselor
* also consider the fact that he might want out of the marriage and is making excuses
** you sound like a lovely person and deserve better
i read this and got that awful feeling in my heart that just stabs away at it. you love him so deeply that te idea of being without him just takes everyhing out of your heart and soul. you may have already done so but if not you need to ask him what it is that he wants to get better, not during an arguement or even necesarily when hes sayin it coz emotions can be too high make tim eto discuss it, it may well be something you have no idea about and you can resolve. i have recently been through a breakdown myself and i no doubt made everyone around me feel like theyd done something wrong, i nearly lost my 5 year relationship as a result and it was the last thing i wanted but i felt so isolated and as if no one could ever understand, everything he said seemed to hurt me but i got through it and was fortunate enough that he had the patience and that my friends helped to support him to support me. if hes had a breakdown your the first person whos gunna get it, hell be unhappy in his life and the one place hel feel comfortable to let it out is at home but that doesnt mean home is where the problems are, its usually a huge mixture of things.
speak to him dont tell him how you feel at first ask him how he feels and go from there. myself and my partner agreed to not let things escalate for a while and to say if something wa too mjuch to deal with at which point we agreed to back off. were now back on track and able to talk about it, its took a while and things arnt 100% but were still together
i hope you can work things out it cant be easy for you but im sure with time oatience and love youl work things out. x
there is also the possibilty that
yes go to marriage counseling on your own for your mental health. Also don’t think about bring a child into a bad situation as it won’t patch things up. Your husband sounds depressed about something. Take your time and try to pamper yourself, get away for a few hours for me time. But talk to a counselor soon.
He is bringing up old arguments,and banging on that you cannot have children,sounds like he is feeling guilty over something,I would put money on another girl lurking in the background,do some digging,most likely a co-worker or an old flame,check the PC ,his mobile phone,credit card bills,if he is younger than you are you starting to age?Men rarely leave unless there is someone else waiting for them
You need to have some marriage counseling. It works wonders, depending on who you have counsel you. In my experience having a Christian Pastor counsel my wife and I, helped us through so much in our beginning stages of being married.