My wife says she loves me but doesn't feel the spark there, help with rekindling?
I will try to make this a brief as possible. I love my wife, we are currently going through the worse part of our marriage now. I myself am able to distinguish lust from emotion, my wife not so lucky she is quite the opposite. She gets attached, recently she expressed the urge to kiss a lesbian. Me being the swinger ideal guy allows it with hopes of possibly seeing where it may spice our already great sex live up.
Fast forward a long talk and quite a few tears she has feeling strong feelings for this woman. She wishes to be with her, I feel powerless, I wish for her to be happy even at the cost of my own happiness. Yet I took an oath to stand by her no matter what. Lately I have become restless with the thoughts of my other self seeing the bad before the good. I am incapable of channeling my love to her, she wants to love again yet she is unable too.
I ask you the internet dwellers: Is there anything I can do to show her how much I wish for her to be madly in love me with me again?
No kids on an insanely awesome little Bull Terrier. The funny thing is, I exceed over everything the lesbian is. I have been there when she was crying, holding her telling her it will be alright we can get through it. Example: Out of the 10 times she has needed the new woman she has been able to talk twice! All 10 time I have been there. She begged her to come over and help solve this she refused.
I know swinging can open a can of worms. I am seeing now not all of us can turn that lust switch off and cut ties to emotions. It was a big mistake I am paying for now. I full fill her needs I offer massages, to cook dinner, go to movies, open the door still, kiss her head, rub her feet when shes cold, tell her I love her many times a day.
She does still speak to her, I know she may need to cut ties and only she can do that. It doesn’t help she feel inadequate for such a great guy as myself she has constantly said she doesn’t deserve my kindness, and I deserve better.
I have read notes, I have read cards, I am at the point where I feel I am fighting a lost cause. She is seeking help it just feel like this is going to drag out and I do not wish for that. She is quite indecisive which makes it worse. There is nothing more painful than seeing the one you love and hold over all others not love you back. She barely knows this woman yet holds her in such high regards, even over her own husband.
She, and even her mom do not know why I stay by her in this darkest time. I do, My oath to her, our family, our friends, and to God. I am just having such a hard time keeping positive. I thank you for all your answers thus far please keep them coming.
I have given her my all, every fiber of my being, every time I even thought of her I texted her, telling her I love you. Deep down we all have two sides, a light and a dark. My dark tells my light it has lost her and to move on make the choice for her & be done with it get on to the healing and the bitches. The few years invested can be re-couped.
Even if I feel it is slightly true, I still am bound by the honor of my word to stay with her till the bitter end. I will continue to strive to show her I care, I love, I wish to have her by my side. I will continue to support her in her seeking help, I would even attend sessions with her if she asked. I will because I love her. I wish nothing but the best for her be it with me or without i am her friend before all, I seek to see her happy, that is why I stay.
To show her I am there for her, to show her I stand by her side even in the face of such a monstrous task ahead of us. To pick her up when she has fallen and carry her on my back.
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Tagged with: 10 time • big mistake • bull terrier • can of worms • cards • emotion • emotions • feelings • funny thing • great sex • happiness • kindness • Kiss Lesbian • love • marriage • massages • new woman • ties • urge • woman
Filed under: How To Get Her Back
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At this time in your life swinging will not work the way you might think..
That unfortunately is the challenge of having a swinging and open lifestyle. What you need to do is find out what about this woman is meeting her needs that you are not. Then once you find out what that other person provides her then find ways to fulfill those needs yourself. NOT copying, but finding ways to meet the needs.
It would be helpful to know if there are kids involved. If so, there is an even more urgent reason to pull this marriage back together.
To make this work, your wife is going to have to cut off all ties with the woman she "has feelings" for. If she is unable to do this, then it is highly unlikely that you will be able to "rekindle" the relationship. Has she actually come out and said that she is homosexual? This also poses an obvious problem and blow to the relationship. Honestly, if this is the case, this might not work out.
However, if her lust for this woman is pure curiosity, then there’s a chance to fix it. She really does have to stop seeing/being in contact with this woman because it is a distraction to the marriage and the vows which you both took on your wedding day. The best way to "rekindle" after this has been done is to change your mindsets. Both of you need to begin thinking of ways to make your spouse feel like their life is worth living. This is key. Once you do this, and actually follow through with it, the love will honestly just come back. Think of ways to make the other person’s day brighter. To make them feel loved.
My apologies for the long answer. I hope I helped a bit though.
You need to stop and put yourself into her shoes and see where she is coming from. You might have to look and see if you have changed things in your relationship. You might want to start by looking back at some old love letters or cards that she has given you and try to duplicate the same feelings that she shared. Try to do something that is totally off the top and make it so romantic. Try to start over when you both felt the spark.
Welcome to the club my wife told me the samething 5 months ago. There noting you can do you cant make her change her mind about you. Just be there for her when she need you and take care of yourself stay busy or else the though will consume you. Take it from me I know we still fighting through this. God Bless
Wow deep down i think you know the answer to teh problem your just having a hard time letting go. I know how hard it is to put so much time in a relationship and to love someone with all you have. But you have gave her you all and you deserve for her to give you the same. You sound like a great guy and you will find that person for you good luck.
I hate to say it man but it might just be best to let her go.