Islam – suicidal because of past zina. deep regret, self hatred, regret – hidin from my future husband?
really hope a noble muslim man/woman can help me. i am suffocating in my own guilt and starting to feel suicidal 
i am muslim girl and i have found the man I am going to marry. he is a good muslim man and has brought out a better muslim in me as well..
there is just one BIG problem, i told him i am a virgin, but i have had sex with 3 other men that i was involved with in the past from the ages of 18 -22 years. I was not on the path of islam and strayed badly in my younger years. my guilt is now killing me as i have lied to my future husband, the love of my life – i wish i could turn back time and undo it but i cannot.
i am soo guilty, the thoughts are always in my head, i feel so so low and i always beg allah for forgiveness. now i will never do what i did again, i want to marry, settle down and have a good married life and be a good muslim woman and a muslim wife.
buy i my fiance knows NOTHING – he always says he cannot accept his wife has been with anyone else – he will leave me if i told him about the grave mistakes of my past.
somebody please give me some guidance.. should i leave him?tell him? i do not want to do this as i am fully devoted to him and want to keep my past where it belongs. i dont want it to ruin the right way of life i am about to start.
am i unchaste for him.? i am truely repenting..is this a good enough reason not to tell him anythin and just repent, do tawba and live my future according to the rules of islam
please, please please do reply back to me my muslim brothers and sisters – this feeling inside me just will nto go – i truely know what guilt, regret is, it is eating me up
I have always been a muslim from birth, i am not a convert – its just that when i was younger i was doing a lot of gunaah
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Tagged with: 22 years • according to the rules • allah • anythin • brothers and sisters • fiance • forgiveness • good enough reason • grave mistakes • guidance • guilt • Hidin • Islam • love • Man Woman • Married Life • muslim brothers • muslim girl • Muslim Man • muslim wife • muslim woman • Path • Self Hatred • virgin • way of life
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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Don’t commit suicide. This is the only life you have, and once you die that’s the end, so it’s worth holding on no matter how bad things are. Things WILL get better.
If he’s nice he won’t care that you slept with with 3 other men. Tell him the truth and tell him that you were scared to tell him the truth earlier because you were afraid of him rejecting you. If he’s reasonable, he’ll understand.
If he rejects you just for not being a virgin, well then is he really worth being with? He must be pretty shallow to dump you just for not being a virgin.
Be sure to use condoms and get tested for STDs to make sure you don’t have anything from your previous partners and that you don’t transfer anything to him.
____
I’m no muslim, but living the pain of living the lie would be far worse. As we say in the south, when you mess up, fess up.
Asslam Al Aikum Sister, InshAllah I do not think I can be of help…
But I would suggest you repost your question in the Ramadan Section
[Society & Culture > Holidays > Ramadan]
as majority of Muslims are active there.
Maybe someone more knowledgeable and more mature than me can guide you…
Of course you should visit your local imam and talk with him too.
There is no need to worry sister. Everything will be fine. I am happy to hear that you have repented and have been asking Allah swt for forgiveness. Well as for your guilt, I will say that your sins are between you and Allah swt. Now if you have done wrong to somebody you must tell them and ask for their forgiveness. But a lie that will not hurt him I am not positive that you must tell him. I would say that if it will ruin your relationship I would not tell him and make sure to keep praying for your forgiveness. That and since the partners were in the past before you came to Islam those sins have been forgiven along will all the others. So don’t worry so much, just be happy you have found a good brother to be with. I myself have had partners in the past before I reverted to Islam. Those sins are forgiven alhamdulillah, but of course I still feel a bit bad about them although I know I am a very different person. So for you as long as you think you’ll never do it again and you feel you’ll be happy with your husband and telling him will hurt the situation then don’t worry about it. Hope I was of some help, as salam wa laikum.
Salam
i am agreed with sunshine,
post it in that section,
regarding your question i should not say you to tell anything to your husbend, Allah is Sattar Ul uyoob. he covers our faults and like other to hide other to cover faults,
do Astaghfaar,
this matter is between you and Allah…do astaghfar regularly. its upto God he can forgive u if hv decided not to do all that again. i wud advise u that not to tell a single word to ur future husband. it will ruin your relationshop.. v ,human beings dun have big heart to accept n forgive others.. put ur matter in the court of Allah..dun discuss it with ur husband..if u really thinks he is a nice man n he came in ur life means Allah is thinking good for u.
The truth will set you free! You have to tell him that you are not the one he is looking for. Of course he will find out later on that you are not a virgin and the marriage may just end in divorce. Since you are truly repentant, hopefully Allah will help you if you ask for someone else who could accept you for who you are now. May Allah help you, ameen.
Salam,
dont hide anything from him. Believe in Allah and He will plan all things right for you InshAllah as He is the best Planner of all and Settler of issues.
Just tell him everything and dont hide as you dont want this to come up after you are married to him.
Oh ya, also no suicides, that is a straight ticket to Hell (quite sure there is no exception for that, but Allah knows best).
Asalam Aleikum,dear sister,dont be suicidal,Allah knows about us all,nothing is hidden from him.Allah is FORGIVING AND MERCIFUL,pray for forgiveness and guidance.Your man is NOT BETTER THAN ALLAH,IF HE IS FORGIVEN THEN HE SHOULD FORGIVE AS HE HAS HIS OWN SHORTCOMINGS TOO AS HUMAN.
Tell him the truth and IF HE IS THE RIGHT MAN FOR YOU,HE WILL STICK BY YOU AND EVEN TEACH YOU THE WAY TO HUMBLE YOURSELF BEFORE ALLAH TO ASK FOR GUIDANCE.
Pray to Allah to make it easier for you,ask Allah if this is the right man for you,if he is then sister believe me HE IS GOING NOWHERE BUT STAYING,IF HE GOES HE WASNT MEANT FOR YOU,BELIEVE ME.Anything meant for you will never pass you by.Just leave it all to Allah.
My husband commits zina wathes porn drinks goes out with strippers I have married for over 20 years 3 kids at this point older is 18 I am scared don’t know what to do
who v r to conclude those matters v r also in some way in one or other matter guilty in this just stop spreading your view and getting comments on those who know god maight have forget ton at your first touba if u go on thinking again and again god maight say when i have forget her sin y she is making remark again and again this i hard from my my moulana during qutba at prayer hall if there is any bad thing u have seen u should go away out of it neither u should go again and again to that place it is same apply to u also as i m shia muslim i just give my thoughts on it i dont want to mention my name
plz dont go to the comments of my friend faiz which i find above one who has to face knows better than any suggession of others
never tell your husband and destroy your life .islam does not permit you disclose your sins to anyone.repeant with true heart just between you and Allah,and indulge your self with 5 times salat,do good whatever you can and wear modest dress never get mixed up with non mahram men,after repeanting make sure u will not comit the sin again.Allah will forgive all sins except shirk.
never reveal your sins sister u will regret it, astaghfirullah i was a sinner, and how tormenting it is to think about how u displeased Allah is awful, i made an even bigger mistake by telling my husband and now in every argument he threatens me that he will expose my sins, i am trapped in this loveless, violent, tormenting relationship and cant leave him because im scared of being disgraced. dont ever tell a soul. its between u and Allah. Allah has put a curtain over your sins dont take that down. if anyone can also advice me.
jazakallah
salaam alaikum sis all i tell you is neverrrrrrrr tell him in your life, im pretty sure if its a lie to protectect your self its ok. esp if its a lie for the better. you know your trully changed and as you met him loyal form now on. so do tobah not only for that but general aswell for all gunas you have made in your zindagi. known or unknown big or small, i recomend daily do 2 rakaat nafal istighfar. and always recite with yourself Al fateha, it will guide you. weatehr to marry this guy, do namaz istikhara. but befoer you do search up on it, get as much info as you can. discuss it with family or older person (not about your past as you cannot discuss) but about weatehr this marriage will be right for you.
Allah swt is the Most Gracious the Most Merciful.
im going through an extremely awfull time and have been for the past 3 years straighttt, im in a big mess big misery. But i have firm trust and faith in Allah swt, i got strong hopes, there is no hope but astaghfirullah because my only hope is Allah swt.
Im veryyy regrettfull for my past, sooo much it hurts me. i have been veryy bad. but im not like that anymore for a long while now. but my past is all backfiring on me. hardddddd in such a manner that if i was dead it would be better, but i would never commit suicide astaghferullahul azeem. as the other guy mentioned it sure iss a straight ticket to hell.
well khoda hafiz sis. i dua for you.
there is no date on this either.
a.s.c everyone i think i have an idea for ma dear sister
Conceal the things what Allah has concealed, be patient repent to Allah continuously you will feel better. Allah Hafiz
Dont be a cheater What will you do if comes to know abt yr sins thru those men U slept with? Wht will u tell him on yr wedding night abt yr not being a virgin? Allah will help u if u stay on the path of truth.
I am a divorced girl. last year one man came in my life and proposed me for marriage. though i also liked him but i told him that it would not be possible. but he said that he will do anything to get me. slowly i started loving him more. and now when it became impossible to live without him. he says he will marry to the girl of his family’s choice. he talk to me says that he love me but will not marry me….. please help me i love him very much i want him. i live in backward area and everyone knows about us………
Hi my dear, do not tell him anything. Your sins are between you and Allah SWT.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “My entire nation is safe, except al-Mujahirin (those who boast of their sins). Among the Mujaharah is that a man commits an (evil) act, and wakes up in the morning while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret, he says: “O so- and-so! Last night I did this and that.” He goes to sleep while Allah has kept his (sin) a secret but he wakes up in the morning and uncovers what Allah has kept a secret!” [Saheeh al-Bukhari]
Abdullah Ibn Masoud (May Allah be pleased with him) related, `A man came to the Prophet and said: `O Messenger of Allah! I have mingled with a woman in the far side of al-Medina, and I fulfilled my desire short of actually having sexual intercourse with her. So, here am I, judge me according to what you decide.’ Umar Ibn al-Khattab (May Allah be pleased with him) then said: `Allah had kept your secret, why did not you keep your secret?’ [Sharh Muslim]
DO NOT tell him. Allah SWT is The Merciful but humans are weak and judgmental. So please do not reveal your sins to anyone, keep them to yourself. If Allah SWT Wills it, and He has sent your way a good Muslim brother, then He will cover up your sins from everyone. Also you need to repent sincerely but you already know that. All the best, may Allah lessen your sorrow.
Sis you NEED to tell him otherwise if he finds out himself and that u lied to him it might not be good for you. Siss trust Allah! You need to tell him the truth and explain Why u lied if he truly loves you and is understanding he will forgive you. he might feel angry towards you for few days dependig on what he is like but thats something to expect after that u just need carry on aplogising and ask for forgiveness..Sis if u hide it then the truth will come out eventually…if u hav full faith in Allah then he will marry you and forgive u. remember whatever happens happens from Allah and whatever He has written for you.. I Pray everything works out for you Insha Allah xx
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Sister, I suffer from the same problem.
. Just keep asking for forgiveness. Hope i helped. 
.
I have been with this guy for a year and i told him about everything in my past,i had been in 2 failed relationships and i had committed zina, when he came into my life and my life changed. But things aren’t the same now, though i’m not married to him, he keeps taunting me about my past. so, i’d suggest you not to tell your husband about it. And Alhamdulillah sister, I do repent of zina as well, and inshallah allah swt will forgive us and inshallah give us a better life! We just have to confide and seek refuge in him. He is the all knowing and all forgiving. Just need to promise ourselves never to return to that path, to do good deeds, and inshallah allah will turn all our bad deeds into good ones. it is said that ” THE PERSON WHO REPENTS A SIN IS LIKE A PERSON WHO HAS NEVER COMMITTED A SIN, ALLAH LOVES HIS SLAVES WHEN THEY TURN TO HIM AND REPENT”
Yes your sins are between you and allah. You can help.yourself. No1 dont tell him or anyone else n the most important thing to do is think of virginity operation. Dont have sex for months and let your vagina muscles to tighten up. And then go hymen reconstruction. Your muscles will tighten up and the doctors will.stitch your hymen. On the wedding night it will rip and bleed zgain. Its a life saving operation and can cost up to £4,000. Dont even think of fake hymen. This is more safer way n proven. No one will find out. It is expensive. However if you.dont have money then save up for like a year or make some excuse up.like lets get engaged i want to study and then marry or ask him money but use a good excuse. Worst toworst get a loan or sell thingd. You can even pay them monthly on.what you can afford and when you they will do the operation for you. It a very dimole operation and same day you can return home. Can.be done at lunch time. Goodluck.and hope it helps xx
Hey, i was going throught something like that, not as worse…
but i researched a lot, and its a sin to tell ur sins to others, nd if ur lieing to protect a relationship that is completley fine. Your sins are btw u and Allah. Allah says he hides the sins of those who hide their own sins. and the guilt God i know how that feels, but thats from the satan …he wants u to feel that way, so you will go and tell ur fiance, and mess up ur relationship. Take the guilt as a punishment, and the only way to feel better is by doing good things, go do good halal things, help other ppl etc. The more good u do the more bad will squeez out of u … i KNOW its easier sad then done. My problem is very small compared to urs im styll a virgin, but the guilt kills me everyday.
But just keep on saying things happen for a reason, our mistakes make us a stronger person (if we learn from them). Now keep ur sins to ur self, u dnt need to tell anyone sweetheart.
Asalamo alaikom sister,
There is no need to tell your future husband of your past sins, it should remain between you and Allah SWT. Its best to keep it from him and repent to Allah swt sincerely for Allah swt conceals the faults of the believers.
Its good that you are feeling guilty because guilt, regret and remorse are three things which lead to the path of forgiveness/repentance and taubah. May Allah swt forgive you for your sins nshalla.. everyone makes mistakes, just say Lhamdolila that Allah swt bestowed his mercy upon you and guided you to the right path
Every day is a new day, life is about learning from your mistakes and bettering yourself as a person and most importantly as a muslim! I wish you and your fiance a happy blessed married life nshalla <3
All the best.
There is no need for all that please don\’t let all these comments confuse you. You are fearfully and wonderfully made! Things you have been through you alone can take it up to the only Living God, which is the God of LOVE, LIFE and TRUTH which is JESUS CHRIST His Blood cleansers you thoroughly, giving you Assurance,Restoration,Peace and Acceptance.. The list can go on and on its amazing how you can be transformed from the inside out. Romans 6:20-21\’When you were slaves to sin, you were free from the control of righteousness. What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death! So its a choice which you can either accept or reject I\’ll be praying for you take care. John 3:16\’For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.