How do I stop loving my married baby daddy?
I don’t need any comments on here telling me anything nasty. I’ve heard it all before and I don’t need anyone to call me names or tell me about my lack of morals. TRUST ME I KNOW. I have been in a relationship with a married man for about 6 months. Well I never intended to stay with him and have tried many times to end the relationship. Well anyways he is married to his wife of 10 yrs and we have discussed that he will never leave her. This I know and am ok with. They have a 2 yr old son and she is currently pregnant again. Well recently we found out that I am also expecting. At first he threatened me with suicide and after I lectured him about maturity and responsibility he came the realization that this is OUR problem and not just mine. He jokes about the baby having more of his genes and talks about how he hopes it’s a girl and everything. Well we recently ended out "relationship" sexually a couple weeks ago since he wants to try and be faithful. This I respect, I am not the first girl he cheated with but I can be the last. Well anyways we still talk on the phone and he tries to get sexual on the phone which always ends up in us having a sexual encounter. I need to leave him alone and move on and find a better man. He is 10 yrs my senior and married…I want to not love him anymore but it is hard. I’m having his baby and I don’t know what that is going to do to his life except ruin it. I need to find a way to stop wanting and needing him. WHAT DO I DO?
I was hanging out with a cute single successful guy that was totally into me, but all I was doing was thinking about my baby daddy and wishing he was there. I even paid someone money to take me to the next state to see him for two days! I have gone on two trips with him, one lasting as long as 18 days! I need help! I have to stop my obsession…what do I do??? Go to therapy? Listing all the things about him that are bad doesn’t help…I feel bad because if I feel the way I do about him, I can’t imagine how his wife feels and I don’t want to take him from her. PLEASE HELP WITH ANY POSITIVE ADVICE!!!
Related Information:
Tagged with: 101 Names • baby daddy • better man • couple weeks • genes • married man • maturity • money • morals • Nasty • obsession • realization • relationship • relationship with a married man • sexual encounter • single successful guy • suicide • thinking about my baby
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!
London
You give lectures on maturity and responsibility? You want to ruin his marriage, and you want positive advice? Gawd. You think you are responsible and mature?
Do you know it all? Do you know the odds your child has of ending up in prison compared to a child from a traditional conjugal family? I’d bet any amount of money that you do not. You say don’t judge me, I don’t; the law of consequences will. Sorry. Read up on it.
Hon, I would never judge you. We all have our faults. But this is why I say that morality aside, it’s wrong to fall for a married guy because it’s YOU who ends up getting hurt in the end.
I know it sucks. I agree. You probably didn’t intend to be put in this situation. At least you’re a reational woman who understands that he’s not going to leave his wife…many women think that the man will leave the wife when he has no intention of doing so. Consider yourself better off in that aspect!
And even though it’s not under the greatest of circumstances, you have a life growing inside if you! Congratulations!!! I don’t know the entire situation, but I don’t think he’s totally evil. It’s not like he’s dropping you because you’re pregnant with his child. It’s not like you didn’t know going into the situation what was going to happen. He isn’t going to leave his wife. You know that and you’re fine with that. So now you need to figure out a way to not care about him.
For right now, that might be virtually impossible. It takes a hardened heart not to love someone that we care about. I’m sorry to say this, but your best bet might be to cut all contact off with him. NOTHING.
It will be hard, but that’s probably your best bet. When you talk to him, even when you’re not sexual, it’s still going to tug at your heartstrings. And it might feel like you’re dying when you don’t talk to him for a long while…but that might be your best bet in getting over him.
Focus on that baby. It’s all about the baby at this point, not you, not him. Best of luck to you!!!
London, feelings are fact. They don’t have to be logical or positive. They just exist.
Your problem isn’t your feelings for your baby daddy. Your problem is that you think that your feelings for him should dictate your behavior toward him. Newsflash! Your feelings don’t make you do anything. You make conscientious decisions to do things.
That said, here’s what you do. Tell yourself that "it’s okay if I still have feelings for this guy. And yes, it is okay to wish that I can be with him but I can no longer act on these feelings because that would be destructive." Then act in accordance with that statement. That said, no more meetings, phone calls, emails, or any other type of contact. Keep yourself occupied. (Preparing your house for the baby is an EXCELLENT way to kill time.) Eventually, your feelings for him will fade and you and your baby will be able to move on with someone else. Good luck, sweetheart.
i don’t understand how people that are doing the wrong thing in the first place be so careless as to get pregnant. and now you want to leave him why you so selfish and thoughtless you should be trying to stay connected with him since you have a connection now. I feel sorry for him to a point because he picked a bad one to get involved with but from the way it sounds you must have one damn good piece of assss
If you are truly serious about leaving him alone and letting him get on with his life, then move far away, change your phone number, get an unlisted number, don’t ever contact him or see him again. Don’t contact him for money to help with the baby. You’re on your own. Scary, yes, but this is what you have to do if you really want to leave him alone.
Well honey, I am in the same situation as you. Stop beating your heart too much you might choke the innocent gift from God growing inside of you. The truth is your baby daddy’s marriage is over. I know what you are feeling it is not an obsession it is love. There is more than one kind of love. I believe and know that. You are not in this alone. He loved you knowing he is married and you loved him knowing he is married so you both knew what you were getting into. Polygamy has always been part of human nature even though denied by society. Even strong men of God practiced it David, Isaac and Abraham. Who must look after your child – his daddy, he slept with you, he must support his child and take responsibility for his actions. An innocent child deserves both parents. Fight for you love for him, if he did not love he would be coming back to you but rather buying sex elsewhere. Frankly I do not care about my man’s wife as she told him to dump me for her instead he cannot stop loving me so her marriage will suffer ‘cos of her selfishness. If a man chooses to have more than one wife – he should be faithful to them and fulfill his duties to both of them.
oh goodness…
Why don’t they teach contraception at school? If you had made sure you did not get pregnant your problems would be minor. I feel so sorry for the child.
Sometimes I cannot believe the answers that I am reading that you received. You need to get out of his life and for your own sake, do it before you have this baby. He is a loser and you are a pawn and you feed his ego perfectly. He is no good to his wife or to you. Get away from him and never contact him again.
Get an abortion if it’s not too late for that. If it is, give the baby up for adoption when he/she is born. If you raise him/her yourself, you’ll never be able to forget who his/her father is and what stupid choices you made.
Every time you want to be with him imagine him with his wife and remember that you are in the back seat. Then want more for yourself. He is using you, whether you realize it or not. If you go to therapy the best thing you can do is work on your self-esteem in general. Then you will see this for what it is and won’t put up with being used.
Good luck.
When you are ready you will end it, no earlier no later,
I think that you should jus keep the baby don’t let these losers tell you 2 abort your child or give it up 4 adoption and to stop loving him get with another man it might take awhile 2 get over him but the love will eventually fade away believe me I was in a similar situation and as far as he go being a father to your child if he wants to see him/her take the baby to one of your family houses he has to pick the baby up from there so u won’t have to even see or talk 2 him that’s the only way your gone to get over him is by not talkn 2 him for a while to u know all ur feelings r gone for him when u can go a whole day with out even thinkn of him then all the feelings are gone and you can move on and still let him be a father to his child so goodluck
^ to “Liz”
In my opinion, you are a horrible human being and NO different from this poor girl. Actually, you’re much much much worse.
Shit happens, people get pregnant without having intentions to, and one day you will more than likely experience this as well. Married men and women cheat on each other, it’s apart of life apparently.
I am so sick to my stomach with hearing people say SHIT to girls who get pregnant. Especially if this is their first child, I had my son at 21 and no, it wasn’t a planned situation but I grew up from it. Never once thought about KILLING my child because I wasn’t happily married to a man, who could have been cheating on me anyways. And no, I’m not on ANY government assistance.
Being ignorant is a common thing for today’s society. Also, giving up your child just because you don’t want to be reminded of the dumb guy you got pregnant by is possibly the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.
I hope to God you don’t end up reproducing and passing on your genes of being a fuck.