My Husband Of 10 Years Left Me And Filed For Divorce
My husband of 10 yrs left me and filed for divorce. I am devastated and don’t want to divorce.
I love him…
My husband and I have had our ups and downs for the past 10 years like most marriages. We had a fight 4 weeks ago and it escalated to him moving out and filing for divorce within 3 weeks.
He says I have emotionally abused him (silent treatment, yelling, talking to like a kid, etc…) and he doesn’t want our relationship anymore.
I have since stopped calling and texting as much as I was in the beginning, which only made things worse. I’m trying hard to give him space and time. I have accepted responsibility for my mistakes and am working with a therapist to change my behavior.
His chief complaints are I don’t speak to him respectfully, always question him and control things, smother him, won’t accept his decision to divorce.
I am truly sorry for the way I have treated him and have expressed that to him, but he said he doesn’t believe me because I promised to change when he left me in January. I did make some changes, but they were not to his standard and he didn’t mention anything until our fight 4 weeks ago.
I am desperate to save my marriage and I don’t know what to do. I have been reading books, taking anti-depressants and courses on relationship rebuilding, but nothing seems to matter at this point.
He says he is 75% gone and has recently agreed to speak with a counselor with me to find it if he is making the right decision. This is the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in life and the pain is almost unbearable.
I can’t function. I cry from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. I have missed work and am planning to take FMLA to protect my job. I’m severely depressed and feel my life has no meaning without my husband.
If he leaves he takes everything away from me. I only associate with his family, I don’t have many friends, everything I have done in the past 10 years has revolved around my husband and our marriage.
I feel like I am loosing my identity. I want to show my husband that our marriage is worth saving and that it can be saved, but it is hard when he keeps moving further away and refusing to deal with our problems.
He has walked out and it is difficult to even get him to talk to me. I don’t know what to do. Divorce is not an option for me.
If you don’t have anything helpful to say don’t say anything.
I just can’t handle negativity right now.
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Tagged with: 10 years • anti depressants • chief complaints • control • counselor • divorce • fight 4 • Filing Divorce • filing for divorce • hardest thing • job • love • marriage • Moving • reading books • relationship • right decision • silent treatment • Smother • space and time • ups • ups and downs
Filed under: How To Save A Marriage
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I am truly sorry you both have to go throw this. But i can understand his feelings. He has been beat down too much. He just needs peace in his life. All is not lost yet he has agreed to counseling. So the love is not gone yet. I work hard to make sure I talk to my wife every day and I mean talk find out about her day and if she has anything she needs. We never yell at each other because you just close down then. We’ve been married 34yrs and can’t imagine being with out her. So I always treat her with respect and she shows me the same.It sounds like your really trying to change and I hope he sees that. Don’t give up hope I know he still loves you. Just wants to be treated like a man not a sounding board.
Perhaps you should have thought about this when you were treating him like a piece of crap. Life is not always about YOU! Your question tells me a lot about you because the whole thing is about YOU! YOU are depressed and on FMLA. Divorce is not an option for YOU!
I think you need to take an inventory of what your life is and learn from your mistakes. You lost this round. Dust yourself off and be better going forward. Pain from loss is a difficult but effective teacher of how to be better next time. Respect for those around you is a great start.
You need to quit focusing on yourself. And then show your husband what you are doing to change. No demands. If he’ll go to therapy then fine, if he won’t you’ll have to learn how to deal with how you’ve treated him.
Show him you can change or let him go.
You didn’t mention if you have any children? Right now, in the moment, you feel like you’re the only person on this earth. Well, guess what, s*&$# happens! You are NOT alone. From someone who has been there, done that, I’m telling you NOW, dust off the a@# of your pants, lift up your head and get back out there in the "real world". If divorce is not an option, then start attending counseling, together and separate,TODAY! Don’t put it off. You need to learn about yourself. Why do you feel abandoned by him? I truly hope this story has a happy ending. Good luck!
It seems that your esteem has taken a toll. He knows this too. This is not attractive to him. However, your main focus right now is getting yourself to be healthy enough to function in everyday life and work. I woudn’t beg him anymore. He knows how you feel. Work on you. Also, realize that half of the problem is him. I would hardly categorize you ignoring him and the other things you mentioned as verbal abuse. Maybe you haven’t shown respect like you should, but that is something that can be worked on. If he wants to work with you, then that’s a great thing, but if he’s set on leaving, there’s nothing you can do. Please realize that your life is worth much more than having a marital status. The bond you share with him is precious, but don’t belittle yourself to nothing without the bond. People make mistakes, and we must do what we can to overcome them. I think forgiveness is key to a successful relationship, and if he is not willing to forgive and hold a tight grudge, then you will always feel bad no matter how much progress you’ve made. Your ultimate judge is God, not your husband, so try to work on you, and do some things to relax. Take a nice bath and listen to music. Get out and enjoy time with other people. You will (and hopeful he will realize) just how much you are worth. Best wishes.
My heart goes out to you so much! I went through a similar situation a couple years ago. The best thing you can do right now is to come to Jesus. He loves you so much more than you realize! He is the only one who can satisfy your heart. When I got married, I thought my husband would make me happy. For the first couple years, I was so miserable because we weren’t in love. Then I came to a crisis when I realized I couldn’t keep my husband forever. It was the hardest thing I ever did to give up my hope in that relationship. I realized that JESUS is the only one I can keep forever. So I gave my heart to him, and now I’m so happy!! He does the sweetest things for me to show me how much he loves me! My husband and I did get back together by a miracle, but my happiness doesn’t depend on him anymore. I’ll be praying for you!! "For I know the thoughts I have toward you,says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope"! (Jeremiah 29:11) (See verses 12-13) He loves you, and I do, too! See Jer. 31:3. You can come to him just as you are, giving him all your anxieties. He will carry you! If you believe he died for you, ask him to forgive your sins, and follow him, nothing can ever take you away from him. See John 10:27-28
Your husband doesn’t need your permission to file for divorce. Obviously divorce IS an option for him.
He wants more sex and he doesn’t want to have to ask for it. If you can’t supply it, you deserve this situation. As do millions of other women.
email me!!! I am going thru pretty much the same and all the other blobs have no idea how crap it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dove, I would love to hear the story of the restoration of your marriage. God is so good.