My husband’s ex-wife continues to call?

My husband’s ex-wife continues to call even though she has been asked more than once NOT to call?

This will be long. I have requested that hubby’s 1st ex wife NOT call my home due to her trouble making ways. I have been asking his ex-wife this for at least 1 year.

So finally I was PISSED after she called yet again 6 days ago and then 3 days ago. So I sent her a certified letter adding the post office certification number to both pages of the letter and made copies for my own records as well as paid for receipt requested.

Well the letter was received to day and his ex-wife called yet again and as soon as I answered the phone she said “Mary, thank you for the letter, I needed something to wipe my @ss with” and hung up quickly. I am at my wits end with this woman.

I have called the phone company and found out what I need to do to put a stop to it but it can be a lengthy process.

I can’t exactly block her number because both of hubby’s ADULT daughters live with their mom and I do want the girls to always be able to have contact with their dad.

I have seriously considered changing the phone number but again, I want hubby’s daughters to always be able to call their dad if they need to. I need some creative suggestions to get this woman to stop calling.

I am open to ideas. I don’t want any conflict between hubby & his daughters but I am afraid that will end up happening because the girls don’t think it’s right why their mom can’t call. I will past a copy of the letter I sent the ex-wife.

Just to be able to follow this, Joann & Jenny are the ADULT daughters. Kim is their mom, the one that refuses to stop calling and Julie is hubby’s second ex-wife that he had no children with that also called my home on 9-15-08 and I can only suspect she was given the number by ex-wife #1 (Kim) because the 2 do talk from my understanding.

Heres the letter:


I am sending this letter since you and I can not see eye to eye and have a civil phone conversation due to your screaming. Did you even notice that I was trying to be civil by using a normal tone of voice? I was not screaming at you one bit when you called tonight until you started your screaming at me first.

Let me start here, I have asked you more than once to NOT call MY home because I am sick of the nonsense you have caused in the past when you have called including when you told Bob that you & Julie had talked and decided that since I killed my last 2 husbands that he (Bob) was next.

I heard you say it with my own ears when you were talking to Bob on the phone when you told him that last year.

If I would have killed anyone, I would be in prison for life and besides, I can not give a person lung cancer or suicide which is how they died and another thing, I was divorced and remarried to my late husband with a new baby for 26 months when my ex-husband died of lung cancer.

Your accusation was wrong, un-called for and simply not acceptable in my life! And yes, my life consists of Bob each and every day & night whether you or anyone else like it or not. And you then accused me of taking Bob away from his daughters and more than once when we moved up north. Let me tell you something about that move.

We made a decision to move mainly due to finances because of Bobs slip & fall causing his dislocated shoulder that led to a 2 month medical from work that later led to his layoff the day he went back to work that soon after led to his sub-pay from work being garnished for spousal support for Julie when it was being paid each & every month and always at least 2 weeks early and the garnishment was for more than the spousal support obligation and Julie refused to allow her attorney to file the paperwork to stop the garnishment at that time and of course, we could not afford an attorney to fight it. So we had to make the decision to keep from sinking financially.

Move to something less expensive and rent the house out in an attempt to save our finances. I have no reason to keep Bob from his daughters whatsoever. Besides, I am a firm believer that he can’t be a good dad to my kids if he can’t be to his own.

Bob has been a good dad, paid his child support and lived nearby while the girls were young. The girls are older and need daddy less as kids tend to do once they grow up besides, it’s not like the girls seen Bob very often anyway when we lived in Garden City and that house was how far from your house?

Maybe just under a mile?

Then you falsely accused me of not giving Bob his phone messages from his girls. I have never nor would I intercept Bobs calls from his daughters and not give him a message, ever.

As a matter of fact, I was on a phone call when Joann called here the day Jenny was flipping out with the knife and I told Joann that I would have her dad call her back and then I proceeded to ask Joann if it was an emergency and she said yes so I ended my call and gave Bob the phone. Oh lets see, what else have you falsely accused me of?

How about that I am with Bob for his money, well that IS a joke in its self. Bob has no money and has debt whereas I am debt free, my income is more than his believe it or not.

And how about when you accused me of canceling Bobs medical coverage on Joann when Ford said she was no longer eligible due to not residing in the same home with him?

I had no reason to cancel HIS own daughter and besides, the medical coverage did not cost us for him to carry his daughter so why would I have canceled her?

And how about when I was blamed again by you because Joann could not get college money from Ford because he was not claiming her on his taxes since you are?

Have you even thought about how unjustly I have been accused by you for things I have no control over?

But I do have control over whom is welcome to call MY home and your NOT WELCOME!

So for all of the above reasons, I do NOT want you to call MY home EVER again PERIOD! You will have to have Joann or Jason call our house or get a message to Bobs parents for him to call Jenny if she is hospitalized. There is no reason why Jenny can’t call if there was an emergency with Joann and Joann can’t call if there was an emergency with Jenny.

The girls are adults now and mommy don’t need to be involved with the relationship Bob has with his girls. The three (Bob & the girls) can manage quite well without you being involved.

Oh, and if the girls need something, they can call their dad themselves NOT you like you did last Thursday, telling Bob that Jenny needs money for the attorney. Jenny already called her dad regarding this issue and then you called about the same issue.

Let one thing be known, Bobs money is very tight due to ex-wives that think they are owed something, YOU & Julie.

You told Bob during the late summer or early fall of 2006 in the Garden City living room that you would not go after his pension and something could be worked out and what did you do?

Go after it like you said you would not which made me realize that your word was worthless. I heard you tell Bob this as well. So what it boils down to, Bob has no money to help pay for an attorney as much as he would like to help his daughters when they need help financially.

He’s on a pension now that is severely reduced due to ex-wives and bills have to be paid which leaves him very little money. And do you know how bad this will make Bob feel when his daughters birthdays & Christmas comes to not be able to give like he is used to giving to them?

Ya know Kim, things did not have to be this way and it’s 100% your fault things are the way they are because of your mouth running as fast as a ducks ass. I actually liked you when I first met you, I really did but you soon showed your true colors which changed my mind in an instant and I don’t budge very easily so the way it is now is the way it will be forever most likely.

To summarize my letter, you were wrong for your accusations and never even attempted to rectify your wrongs and you were wrong for attacking Bobs pension like you said you would not do proving your word to be completely worthless which makes you a worthless person in my eyes and I don’t keep worthless people in my life so I repeat one last time, I do NOT want you to call MY home under ANY circumstances.

The phone is in my name and I pay the bill and I will not hesitate to change the number and NO ONE will get it if you call one more time and I do NOT appreciate you giving Julie the number either!

Bobs daughters are welcome to visit our home anytime they like and to call anytime they need or want to talk with their dad. That has NEVER nor will ever be an issue.

PS ~ I heard you call me a psycho bitch when you were talking to Bob earlier today, takes one to know one! ;-)

Hubby HAS told this woman (actually both ex-wives) NOT to call many times and I have heard him do so.

Youngest daughter has a cell phone, oldest daughter does not. We live in a rural area where cell phones don’t work 90% of the time and we have a metal roof that stops the cell phone signal anyway, so hubby having a cell for the girls to call him on is not an option. Hubby actually does have a prepaid cell for if he’s away from home and needs a phone but like I said earlier, cells do not work in our corner or the rural world. We are surrounded by Amish folks, not cell towers. ;-)

Ex-wife #1 calls from her cell, her home number & her work number at the American Legion. I should maybe call the Legion and let them know she’s using their phone to make harassing calls huh?
By the way, hubby is 49, I am 38 and his first ex-wife is believe it or not, like 52 and acting like a 12 year old. It’s really time for her to grow the heck up!

I honestly feel for whatever reason, the ex is jealous that hubby & I are happy & get along well and because I have minor sons ages 10 & almost 8 that hubby is helping to raise since their fathers have passed away and he’s the closest thing they have to a dad. Though, I promise, I have NEVER tried to come in between his daughters & him because I truly am a firm believer that he can’t be a good daddy to mine if he can’t be to his own flesh and blood.

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29 thoughts on “My husband’s ex-wife continues to call?

  1. Michael A says:

    Contact your local police department or sheriff’s office. Report the ongoing harassment. Have a record of phone call dates and times with your phone activity record. You may need to have recordings of her abuse. Get the requirements from the officers, so that you do not violate any laws. With the complaint filed, request a cease and desist order be issued. Depending upon local laws, you may have a restraining order issued against her. If she violates the order, she will have grave legal consequences.

    Good luck with the nut balls. Remember it takes a few of them to make the rest of us feel normal!

  2. dragonfireresurrected says:

    dump the phone
    most people have cell phones anyways
    and let their daughters ( since they are adults ) get their own cell phone

    end of issue

  3. Lalique says:

    Sorry for your troubles. I would get a new phone line with a private number. You said your girls were adults, so I suggest that they get their own cell phones to keep in contact with their dad. You shouldn’t have to put up with this type of harrassment just for their sakes. I know nothing you decide to do is easy or simple, but that’s life. And it’s your life….so that should make any steps necessary to remedy the problem all the more worth it. Hope it helps…good luck!

  4. nell says:

    Call your phone company and block her or change number Sorry u have to go tho that

  5. says ME. says:

    Writing to anyone who already doesn’t see your point of view is probably just wasting paper. Since the "children" are adults, they can connect with their dad on their own. Get their own phones. You should either change your number or get a cell phone of your own where neither of his ex wives have your number.

    But the writing to the other mom, I just don’t see that it will do anything positive. She doesn’t see and probably won’t see things your way. You can only control you, not her. (Not saying you try to control her! lol, hopefully you know what I mean.)

  6. xchris says:

    Call Jerry Springer…

  7. drewxjacobs says:

    Learn to utilize your answering machine and caller ID. Don’t pick up if it is someone you do not wish to speak to. Eventually, she will get the hint. As far as the adult daughters, they know how to reach their dad and I’m sure he knows how to reach them.

    You can cut way back on all of this drama just by doing this.

  8. lovebug123 says:

    Wow, that was long. Look, you let this woman get under your skin and she knows it, and she loves it. You should not have felt obligated to write this woman a letter and explain yourself. You really don’t have control over who can call your home, tis why we have annoying telemarketers and is why people have caller ID. I say just let the answering machine pick it up and screen your calls.

  9. rrm38 says:

    Change your phone number and don’t give it out to anyone who may give it to this woman, not even his daughters. Or put a block on the ex’s number(s). That takes a phone call to enable the call blocking service with your phone company and a few seconds to setup the numbers to be blocked. Get a prepaid cell phone and give the number only to the two daughters. This will give them a means to contact their father. They’re adults and should be able to understand this. Your husband can hold on to the cell to be available to his daughters. If the ex calls the number, he can deal with it. It sounds to me as if you are both perpetuating the situation with this woman. If the children are grown, there is no reason for him to communicate with this woman. He shouldn’t even be on the phone with her for you to overhear all this stupidity. You are perpetuating it by sending letters such as the one you’ve posted. All that does is add fuel to the fire. If the two of you really want this woman out of your lives you’ll make it happen. I think you’re both enjoying the drama in some odd way.

  10. kirk1500 says:

    Just hang up on her every time she calls. When you hear her voice, don’t say anything, just hang up. Eventually, like an unruly child, she will get bored with it because she can’t get a reaction from you.

  11. Schroedinger's cat says:

    Don’t talk to the woman. Period. Let your husband handle her. She is his baggage, not yours. It isn’t worth the time and trouble to put a block on your number because if his kids have the number, she will have it. If the phone rings and you see it’s her when you’re home by yourself, let the machine get it. When your husband’s home, let him get it. When he talks to her, leave the room. If you answer an unknown number and it’s her, hang up as soon as you recognize her voice. Don’t say anything, just hang up the phone. The only reason she does it is to get a rise out of you. If you stop playing the game, you’ll win.

    How do I know, you ask? I got this kind of drama after my husband and I got married (minus the kids, thank god). The second wife always says the first was insane, but in my case it was true! :-)

    Rise above. Take the high road. Yes, it’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, and when you first disengage from the situation her bad behavior will get even worse for a while, because she needs somebody to toy with so maybe if she pushes you a little harder you’ll get drawn back in. Resist the temptation. Also, remember that if she’s saying crazy stuff like what was in the text of your letter, people know it’s BS. It’s just easier to go "uh huh, uh huh, she totally did that" than to be the target of the person who’s batshit crazy. It’s self-preservation on their part–they go along because her wrath is directed at you instead of them.

    Make the conscious decision to walk away from it. By being silent, you’re like a mirror: when you don’t respond to all the anger and venom she directs at you, it reflects back at her because you won’t engage it. That’s what a mirror does, it passively reflects what is projected at it and remains unchanged. Good luck.

  12. jina says:

    I’m sorry I couldn’t read your letter to that annoying woman but I’m pretty sure I can still give you my thoughts and opinions on this topic. First of all I kind of swing both ways with the whole ex calling your home issue. She has the "right" to call because she still have connections with your husband who is her ex-husband. She might still have things that concern the both of the them. Unless what she’s calling about is really nothing important and its mainly to annoy the crap out of you. Anyways that’s my "civilized" side talking. The other side of me is quite annoyed by your situation. If I were in your shoes I’d want to just beat that girl up and give her a piece of my mind face to face matter how immature that would make me look. Anyways moving on…don’t the adult daughters have cell phones?…Don’t any of you have cellphones? I don’t even know anyone that uses their home phones these days. It sounds to me that this ex-wife needs to go get her own life and move on…as well as the 2nd ex wife…what the heck are they doing just calling up your house as if it’s a big happy family. You should get caller-id…when she calls no one needs to pick up…either that go get a restraint order on the crazy annoying woman. She needs to find something else to spend her time on. Until something is actually permanently resolved…you shouldn’t allow your emotions to be known. Meaning don’t let her know how much she bothers you…because that only gives her more attention and she might actually enjoy calling your house just to get you pissed. From now on just act completely normal….when she calls you happen to pick up ..just act normal respond to whatever the heck she needs..and then hang up…continue to do that and act as if she’s not bothering you at all…but in reality behind her back you’re finding out ways to keep her from calling and intruding into your life. You should talk to your husband about it…it’s HIS ex wife ..he should tell her not to call because he’s in a relationship with you and that you don’t appreciate it and that’s that. He should defend you not his ex-wife…anyways whatever you do don’t give her the satisfaction of knowing that she has the power to get you mad so badly.

  13. rockydog777 says:

    Gee does this bring back memories. I too was in the same situation with my now Ex husband’s ex girlfriend whom he had 2 daughters to. I tried so very hard to keep it all civil for the children as they didn’t ask for the problems and I didn’t think they deserved it. Unfortunately no matter what I said, this psychotic b***h would not give up. I would receive up to 18 phone calls in one day from this sicko. So i began to record them in a diary, and eventually got an intervention order against her. The other tactic I used was to record her and let her know that I was recording her, then the next phone call I would receive from her, i would play it back to her. I must admit the recording didn’t stop her, but gee did it get her She stopped the phone calls after I put the intervention order on but the day it was no longer valid she began again. The best thing to do is to just stay cool, be extremely nice I mean so nice it makes her sick. You really have to feel sorry for the poor women, she obviously thinks about you and your husband alot and her life obviously revolves around you guy’s. Imagine living like that.
    I think you have done what any mature minded person would do in this situation, now I guess just use it as a game, laugh at the pathetic little girl.

  14. bigmomma says:

    This is your husband’s ex-wife or wives. Why are you doing all the work? Even better, why does it bother you? Is he ok with this? If not, then time for him to put an end to it.

  15. n2mama says:

    OK, so given that cell phones aren’t really an option, and if you change your number to unlisted you’ll still give it to the girls who will in turn give it to Kim, I think you have to get a little creative. The line you already have that is the one she calls-hook up to an answering machine with the volume turned off. Get a new unlisted number and don’t give the number to anyone in his family. Use that for your day-to-day communication with your family, friends, etc. If Kim continues to call the old number she’ll either get tired of leaving messages, or leave worse and worse messages. The beauty there is that you have them recorded, which you can use. Use with your husband, so he can hear exactly what she says and how she says it. Then use it in court to get her prohibited from contacting you in any way. Good luck.

  16. hagertygal says:

    OK, this will be long, but here it goes. I go through this with my ex husband. I let him get to me, as he left phone messages on my home phone and my son’s cell phone, etc. He has no life, and has nothing better to do than to try to egg me on into a fight. Guess what worked???? I stopped responding. Yep, no matter what the message was, or how insulting or untrue, I just refused to reply, because that is exactly what he wanted. He would get me all worked up, and than he’d sit back and laugh, at the fact that he made me angry or miserable. It is all about control. I stopped giving him control over my emotions, and he had nothing left. If she really gets to you, go and file a restraining order. If she breaks it, she will go to jail.

  17. sun_is_shining says:

    Now you’ve stated it in writing to her, you have evidence to move forward with some kind of restraining order. There are lawyers who will do this for you on legal aid. I suspect she won’t just stop because of a letter, and will see what you’ve written as an opportunity to escalate the situation. She gets a feed off making you upset, and it is hard not to react. I know this from personal experience. However, now you’ve stated your case, that’s what you need to do. Put up the wall and any communication now will be through legal channels because she has slandered you, and is causing the quality of your life to diminish because of the stress of dealing with her. I think you are well within your rights to mention her using the work phone to harass you, to her superior, today, if you have real evidence that she does this (not assumption – because she may be stepping out of work to make calls). This should, at least, stop the calls from her workplace, while you get the legal stuff sorted. Once you sort her out, the other ex-wife should stop as well, as she’ll see that you and your husband are serious about laying down a clear boundary as to what is acceptable behaviour from people who choose to contact you in your own home. If she doesn’t get the message, you proceed the same way with her.

    Good luck.

    Edit: Oh yes, like others are saying, record and document. That’s important for any potential legal proceeding.

  18. Jennifer says:

    My father had the same problem with his ex-wife who he had been divorced from for – get this – over 30 years! He just told her never to phone again or he would call the police.

  19. Diva-Ish says:

    Here’s my advice.

    Next time you send a letter leave the emotions and the details out. Just tell her to cease and desist from making further harrassing phone calls.

    Get a tape recorder for your phone (radio shack sells them or go to eBay) and just start recording her phone calls to you and also keep a log of every call — how long and how often. (actually check with your state if you are allowed to record conversations without the other’s consent. For example, in GA you can record conversations as long as you are party to it… however, some states call that wiretaping if you do it even if you are part of the conversation .. so, don’t it until you research the laws for your state)

    But don’t answer the phone and let her leave the mean messages on your answering machine … that will help you also build up some evidence.

    Once you have your evidence advise her that you will be filing for harrassment if she does not stop soon. keep a copy of your evidence at another location (like a very good trustworthy friend and a copy for your reference) Never let her know what you have … just let her know that her actions are subject to legal actions.

    do not play her games nor get into her petty ways.

    good luck and I wish you the best.

    godspeed … when you are dealing with loony crazy scorned ex’s.

  20. rickikurts says:

    You really need to change the number and get a private one. The adult daughters can have the number (obviously) and since they are adults they should respect the fact that their mother does not need the number. As far as your letter, don’t ever do that ever again. Don’t waste your time and energy on her. She does it to push your buttons. Pretend like you don’t care, act like the nicest person in the whole world and it will drive her insaine and she will eventually give up.
    Worry about your life inside your own home and focus on your little boys. Screw ex wives anyway, there is a reason they are EX wives.

  21. elishamae says:

    . Its no use writing her. Just ignore her. You know, People who have nothing to do are busy minding others business. Get rid off her and mind your own business. Just be normal with the situation. Don’t panic..

  22. MzRichieRich says:

    The woman telling you to get a life is probably a psycho ex wife LOL, any-who… i totally understand that women like this cause soooo much drama in peoples lives! I just suggest that when you speak to her let her sound like the witch-of-the-west. Show no emotion because she totally LIVES for you to react! Even when you write the letter, anything that sounds like too much Emotion i would take out and just state facts! Keep copies of anything coming back and fourth between the two of you. You need to check and see if the law permits you to record conversations. Sometimes if on phone calls you feel the need (or your husband feels the need) to record, do so! If she is on an answering machine it is usable for a restraining order because she has knowledge that it is recorded.

    If his kids are adults you need to cut out the "middleman" she is of no importance anymore… the kids can call him and he can call them ON THEIR OWN! Don’t let her get to you anymore.

  23. kywyldefyre says:

    Get the daughters each a prepaid cell phone and make it clear it’s ONLY to be used to call their father. Then change your number. Get caller ID, along with an ANSWERING MACHINE and STOP answering the ex’s phone calls. Let whoever calls from those numbers leave a message.

    You can also look into filing charges in court for harassment. As well as take out an EPO (Emergency Protective Order) or a Peace Bond. Peace bond would be the better option. Then, record the conversations each and anytime the ex’s call. Should they violate the Peace Bond.. take it to court, each and every time. The judge will eventually get tired of hearing all the drama and fix the ex’s but good.

    And.. no more letters. That only brings you down to their levels.

  24. Devil2Crazy says:

    change your phone number

  25. cylenneh says:

    get the phone number changed again and tell your husband to get a cellphone and have the witches call him and nag the hell out of him on his cellphone. my husband has a 15 year old daughter and his ex-wife better not call on my home phone. when she needs to speck to him she gets the daughter to call him on his cellphone. she knows not to call my home under any circumstances i dont care if it is for the kid. he has a cellphone they need to use it.

  26. ouragon says:

    I can’t believe how much power you’re giving this woman. You’re addressing her accusations one by one with your emotional responses. Though you say it’s time for her to grow up, I’m sorry to say that you overlooked the fact that it’s time for you too, as well. An adult would never engage in all this silliness.

    Moving forward, you need to change your home number, make it unlisted and never give it to any of these people. Then your husband needs to get a cell phone and give the number to his girls, asking them to keep the number confidential. That won’t last forever, but when they do share the number it won’t be your home number. The cell phone should take messages even if there isn’t good reception. He can check them often. If, somehow someone gets your number, hang up on them without even speaking and leave it on the answering machine for a few days. Just erase the messages. I think you might, deep down be enjoying this conflict, so it might be hard to just stop. If the cell phone number idea is unworkable, the girls could be encouraged to communicate with their dad via email. It’s rare that a true emergency occurs, and this could be a temporary measure. When the ex’s interest dies down, you could give the girls the number again.

  27. pixie says:

    Try reading this book – I Hate His/Her Ex by Alex Cooper. Its all about issues with your partner’s ex! :) Highly recommended. xx

  28. Yvonne says:

    Girl I know just how you feel. I’m going through the same with my husband ex. And the excuse is always the same. Well we have kids together. They are two grown adults. Omg

  29. Helen says:

    If she has threatened you and/or your husband, keep a record log of any threats, along with any receipts of received phone calls (such as cel phone bills, etc) I too agree that in getting a “No Contact” restraining order would be your best bet. Although unfortunately that may not be enough to restrict her.

    People with extreme personality disorders have a habit of violating them constantly due to the fact that they think they are invulnerable along with taking a chance of un-reliability of your court system in your area in the strict enforcement of them.

    She may just get a “slap on the wrist” every time she violates it.

    If that happens I suggest to also get a fine system instituted and attached to the no-contact restraining order. This way not only will she run the risk of getting arrested, she will also have to pay fines to you and your husband out of her own pocket for every violation.

    You may have to hire your own lawyer to obtain a fine system as well in addition to the restraining order, but it may be worth the peace of mind in knowing you have this extra security. In the meantime, I STRONGLY suggest, no more letters sent on your part!

    When you do this, you are only adding more fuel to the fire and in turn, making your own situation worse for yourself and your husband.

    It is best to let her incriminate herself without any help from you and it looks better for your case.

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